Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?
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It was actually the making of me.heartbreak_star wrote: »I'm quite glad it's not 80 or 50 years ago now then. Things are, quite thankfully, different.
I made my own clothes - in the attic on an old singer treadle sewing machine.
I learned how to make the money I did have go further - I learned how to budget.
I left home to get married quite young - under 20 - so managed my own household buying food, paying bills.
I've never ever borrowed money from anyone (other than banks/building societies).
Younger siblings - treated much less strictly - have not fared so well.
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Move out and fend for yourself.
You will soon be running back home to mum and pay her exorbitant fees.
£50 a week? That amount is laughable, as is the view of that parents should continue to subsidise their adult working children.
If the adult child hit hard times then my stance would soften considerably.
I wouldn't even embarrass your mother by asking her to justify her figures.
The term " Something for nothing " comes to mind.0 -
Well costs do go up. Heating, laundry, food etc.
Think of it: You were paying £25 a week!
Did you not save?
Your mother would not have asked for £50 a week if she thought you could not afford it. Suggest £150 a month for 6 months then £200 if you must. Perhaps she wants you to stand on your own two feet?
Tell you what, pen and paper out. How much to rent a room in your area. Then add laundry,heating,electric bills, food, comfort etc. How much do you have left to spend now?0 -
Without knowing all the circumstances it's impossible to say what is fair, but I think it's very likely that your mum has been heavily subsidising your living costs. If she's been helping you out for a year like that she's probably decided that, for your own sake as much as anything else, you need to contribute to the running of the house. I expect she'll still be making a loss at £200.
The suggestion of going through the monthly costs is a good one, not for her to justify it to you, but to help you realise how good you have it. Bare in mind as well as electricity, heating, water and food costs, if it's just you and her she's also not able to get the single occupancy reduction on her council tax by having you there. Maybe also look on gumtree to see what rooms in house shares in your area are to get a good comparison.
Btw when I lived with my parents I gave them £300/month all in. I probably ate at least half of that in meat alone!0 -
I charge my son £100 a week and where I live that is a bargain. The cheapest one bed flat to buy is £200,000 and they come with very large service charges and ground rent. Rental flats could easily be twice what I charge him.
Unbeknownst to him I have not spent a penny of his rent but have saved it for a flat or house deposit. I did the same for his sister who has now bought a house with her partner. I sympathise with any parents who need to charge their adult children rent because they need the money for essentials but I find it shocking that parents would charge 'keep' to downsize their own jobs or to spend the money on holidays or selfish indulgences.
It is not good for young adults to live for free for several reasons:-
-They need to learn to pay their way and to be financially responsible
-They need to know their wages are not just pocket money for splurging
-Without paying 'keep' the difference between price of living at home free and moving out and being totally independent is too much like a cliff edge. It might even prove prohibitive and keep the young adult at home
-Only children are kept by their parents. Not to encourage a young adult to pay his or her way is to keep them in a state of prolonged infancy
That said, with the housing and mortgage market the way they are I can see little chance for my son to move out without finding a partner to share a mortgage with.
Our son pays us £250 per month & for that he gets everything provided although if he wants anything special in the way of toiletries, food etc he pays.
On top of this he's able to save £450 per month - something he won't be able to do when he has his own home
The money goes into our fun fund & tbh I don't see the difference between him paying it directly into there or pay into our everyday account and then us transferring it
At the end of the day what suits one family won't necessarily suit another0 -
The question:
is the wrong one to ask as it only allows for two opposite extremes. You will probably find that it's a bit more complicated than that.Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?
Ask your mum why she has increased the amount - perhaps £100 pcm did not cover the costs, or she now has a reduced income, or her outgoings have increased, or she simply thinks your contribution should be more, or some other factor. Nobody on this forum knows the answer to that question so talk to your mum!
Make an effort to fully understand her situation and reasoning and clearly explain yours. Neither her situation when she was your age, nor what your friend's parents do are relevant here. If you are both reasonable and realistic you will work it out between you.0 -
The people who are comparing the amount to how much it would cost to rent a room in the area are completely missing the point!.
When you rent a room from someone they are making a good profit from it. I don't think a parent should aim to make a good profit from their children paying lodge.
If you want your children to pay their way then you should sit down with them and work out how much of each bill they should be responsible for. For example them living there won't cause the mortgage/rent to increase. But there will be a small increase in electricity for example; but not by much. If they don't buy there own food then a proportion of the food bill should be included etc.
Once you calculated this then a fair amount can be paid to the parents and it will help them understand the cost of living.
Simply saying they should pay £200 a month doesn't help them understand anything about the cost of living and it could be way to much for someone who buys all their own toiletries and food. It could also be way to little for someone who doesn't buy anything and their parents still even buy their clothes, takeaways and entertainment.
Another theme that seems popular is secretly saving the money for them and giving it to them as a house deposit. This in my view is pointless and you should be working with your children to encourage them to save and get the best interest rates.
Secretly saving money for them is something you do for a very young child who you don't trust to not blow all their money.0 -
If you are wealthy and charge £100 a week . Fair enough, it will teach young adults some housekeeping sense. However not using this money and giving it back to them does not teach saving. If they saved for a deposit and you matched it. Fine.
I was brought up in a mining community and it was/is a tradition to pay some of your wages to your mother. No question. Eventually you moved out.
Personally our generation is too soft with our children and hence they expect more from you. The media also contribute to this " our poor children".0 -
£200 a month sounds like a good deal to me especially if all bills (council tax, tv license, internet, gas, electric, water, food, maintenance) are included. However i can see why this would be an issue if saving for a deposit to move out, baring in mind how expensive house prices are in relation to take home pay.
My 2 pence worth would be to speak to your mother and explain that you need to save for a deposit and ask if you can reduce the amount slightly. HOWEVER if this was agreed i would expect a moral response by the OP to not spend frivolously and automatically bank the difference into a savings account to be used for the sole purpose of a house deposit
If you have no intention of saving for a house, pay up!!! you'll never live so comfortably for less0 -
My 2 pence worth would be to speak to your mother and explain that you need to save for a deposit and ask if you can reduce the amount slightly.
If I was Mum, I'd want to know how much had been saved while the keep money was only £100 a month.
If it was nothing or very little, that isn't an argument that would sway me. 0
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