Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

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  • philipbradbury
    philipbradbury Posts: 5 Forumite
    If, when you get divorced, you settle for a split pro-rata your incomes, pay a proportioned share. Else accept that by being married you share everything equally and obey the rules.
    Philip Bradbury
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    MSE_Debs wrote: »
    When I moved in with my husband two years ago, we agreed to each pay half of all bills. He now earns twice as much as I do, so is it now a little unfair?

    I can afford to pay my half of the bills and still have money to buy clothes, go out, etc, but I struggle to save.

    My husband isn't mean, and happily pays for meals out more often than I do. But it's unfair I need to pay as much when he has more disposable income than I do. Should I ask him to contribute a greater share of the bills?

    What would the husband in this example be feeling if he was the lower earner?

    I couldn't be happy knowing that my husband was paying half the bills and struggling to save money while I had plenty of disposable income.

    We pool all money that is earned. It doesn't matter who earns it - we are a couple. We have everything in joint accounts but I can understand how some people prefer to have separate personal accounts with equal amounts paid out of the joint earnings each month.
  • Traveller1981
    Traveller1981 Posts: 408 Forumite
    philipbradbury wrote: »
    If, when you get divorced, you settle for a split pro-rata your incomes, pay a proportioned share. Else accept that by being married you share everything equally and obey the rules.

    Er, and what rules would they be?
  • Victoria270385_2
    Victoria270385_2 Posts: 23 Forumite
    Can i ask, once i am debt free the plan is to have a joint account for the bills and our separate ones for ourselves as OH smokes (spends around £30 a week) and has a child so pays CSA (£35 a week) so i think its only fair that comes out of his wage. However he gets paid weekly and i get paid monthly. Is anyone else in the same situation....how do you work it so that there is enough money in the pot to pay the bills when they are due. Do one of you put in more and the the other "pay you back" when they get their weekly wage?
  • elvis86
    elvis86 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    I think people are getting bogged down a little in the specifics of where wages get paid to and whether there is a joint account etc.

    What's actually being questioned here is the principle, and as I see it there are 3 options that various people sign up to:
    1. A couple pool all income and everything is paid for from that account.
    2. A couple split all outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) equally and retain the remainder of their individual income as disposable income (regardless of any differences in income).
    3. A couple split all outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) proportionatly to their incomes, and retain the remainder of their individual income as disposable income.
    So if Jack earns £1000 per month and Jill earns £2000, and their outgoings (eg mortgage, bills) total £1500 a month, dependant on the approach they adopt, the following will be true:
    1. After bills Jack and Jill have £1500 to spend between them (ie £750 each).
    2. After bills, Jack is left with £250 disposable income whilst Jill has £1250.
    3. After bills, Jack is left with £500 disposable income whilst Jill has £1000.
    To me, options 1 and 3 seem fair. My personal preference is probably option 3 where both people work full-time (as my OH has a more demanding job, I'm comfortable that he should have more disposable income than me), or option 1 where one person doesn't work or works part-time.

    Option 2 however, just doesn't seem fair at all.
  • aintshesweet
    aintshesweet Posts: 242 Forumite
    Some of the comments in this thread make me laugh :rotfl:

    "obey the rules" - and who makes them??
    alcarm77 wrote: »
    I'm a bit surprised that so many money poolers are framing this as an issue of love. A lot of people seem to be suggesting that if you don't share all your money, you don't really love each other. I think this is a bit unrealistic. A lot of people have different spending and saving habits, and getting married doesn't mean that you automatically love everything your spouse does.

    So true!

    Now I'm not married - and nor do we have kids - nor do we own a property.

    I've been living with my OH for 3 years now, okay, not a huge amount of time, but as a first step in the relationship, going 50/50 in the finances worked for us. AS A FIRST STEP.

    We've had pretty much the same salary (it's grown a tiny bit for both of us) the whole time.

    We got a joint account last September to make bill paying easier. It's actually harder to balance the books now (mainly for food because most things are a set amount) because expenditure is all over the place and I'm not just accounting for where I'm spending the money now.

    We still have separate accounts for our salaries to be paid into. I would never give up the financial freedom I've worked for. I know if anything happens the savings I've made are all mine.

    Also - I love my boyfriend but hate his smoking and don't want to pay silly money to tar up his lungs. I also don't really agree with spending £50 on rounds of drinks instead of just paying for your own :mad: Our spending habits are way too different (he doesn't know how to budget) to come out of one account. I would continually want to throttle and lecture him for spending £5 on lunch everyday (yet moan that he's broke at the end of the month...).

    It's much better for us that he can be free and easy with his money (until he's broke) and I can spend or save as I see fit.

    He has been irresponsible with money in the past but has been faithfully paying back his bank loan - this means he has less disposable income than I - but this was his debit, not mine, and he won't learn the value of money and living within our means if he doesn't learn to budget and pay what he owes. It's a valuable lesson, one he has been paying for for 3 years.... it's not a cheap lesson but I've already learnt it and don't need to pay for it :p

    Paying someone else's loans/debts for them doesn't do them any favours long term (unless it's the type that they'll get broken knee caps for).

    It works... for now... but no one is saying that one household finances model will work forever... if it's works today and tomorrow, that's okay. You can always adapt it later to fit different circumstances (which of course we would if one of us got a larger salary or company car or we made babies etc.).
  • Alsi
    Alsi Posts: 1 Newbie
    My husband earns a lot more than me. We have a joint account, where both put the same amount and all the bills etc come out from. We also have individual bank accounts where we do what we want with any money we have left. We have never considered a joint account where we both pool our money, this is because my husband has 3 grown up children and 4 granchildren which he is always paying things out for and I do not think it is fair that my money contributes towards this when I have no children of my own.
  • elvis86
    elvis86 Posts: 1,399 Forumite
    Victoria270385 wrote: »
    Can i ask, once i am debt free the plan is to have a joint account for the bills and our separate ones for ourselves as OH smokes (spends around £30 a week) and has a child so pays CSA (£35 a week) so i think its only fair that comes out of his wage. However he gets paid weekly and i get paid monthly. Is anyone else in the same situation....how do you work it so that there is enough money in the pot to pay the bills when they are due. Do one of you put in more and the the other "pay you back" when they get their weekly wage?

    Doesn't that just say a lot - he can only find £35 a week to support his child(ren), but manages to find £30 a week for cigarettes.:cool:
  • aintshesweet
    aintshesweet Posts: 242 Forumite
    Victoria270385 wrote: »
    Can i ask, once i am debt free the plan is to have a joint account for the bills and our separate ones for ourselves as OH smokes (spends around £30 a week) and has a child so pays CSA (£35 a week) so i think its only fair that comes out of his wage. However he gets paid weekly and i get paid monthly. Is anyone else in the same situation....how do you work it so that there is enough money in the pot to pay the bills when they are due. Do one of you put in more and the the other "pay you back" when they get their weekly wage?

    ideally if he can get "ahead" by savings a month's worth of wages and always be in hand that will help you with making payments.

    it took us a while to get used to - my OH was always poor one week and couldn't do anything (he wasn't in a position to get one month in hand). It really helped when his company put him on monthly too, it became a lot more straightforward. the good thing is that my payday is 10th, and his is 15th, so with the staggered payments there's never nothing in the bank account.
  • Victoria270385_2
    Victoria270385_2 Posts: 23 Forumite
    excuse me! he pays £35 CSA which he has to pay....he also spends money on him when his child needs it/wants things and has him every weekend where we do things together etc...who are you to judge my husband! I do not mind our money being spent on his child when he is at our house for clothes or treats/days out etc but i dont see why i should pay for his upbringing. that was my point....not for you to belittle how much he pays
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