Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis · 8 June 2016 at 1:13PM

Elsien, maybe, in addition to being spoken to in Mandarin, maybe Gitdog also needs a pet?

System · 8 June 2016 at 5:22PM

Yup, its cancelled....rebooked for next tuesday. Still dreadng it BUT this kind of works on my favour as i will be seeing my GP before the medical so i guess thats a silver lining of some sort.

Decided to stay at mien today, so ive cleaned my room, put a wash on and plan on dying my hair. Bored of blue so going back to pink! Pinks more of my summery colour

Glad you're feeling abit more stable today WaS **hugs***

System · 8 June 2016 at 6:53PM

May have bought this to cheer myself up

Introducing majestic mermaid kitty

Torry_Quine · 8 June 2016 at 6:57PM

Sorry that the appointment was changed but hopefully you'll get support from your GP.

System · 8 June 2016 at 7:01PM

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Sorry that the appointment was changed but hopefully you'll get support from your GP.

Thanks Torry,

The good thing about filling in that online consultation form is that hopefully it means the doctor will have all that info when i see her, which is easier than me trying to remember it all and explain in in 10 mins

I'm a little bit scared as i have no idea what they will say/suggest but my manager told me they have to help, they can;t just leave me to try and cope alone, and i need to get the point across that i need more support. So as scary as it is i hope it has a positive outcome.

(look at me trying to be all positive .... :eek: )

System · 8 June 2016 at 7:59PM

PENGUIN (domestic abuse/toxic relationships, copied from my FB)

After years of being told you're !!!!, years of being told nobody else would want you. being told they wish you were dead, that you ruined their life? It takes a lot to get over that. Even now i still dont believe i am worthy of love, that i deserve better, that anyone would ever love me. But you know what, someone does. And i am so !!!!ing lucky to have found someone who basically says !!!! all that, they love me. I still pinch myself to make sure its real and i'm not dreaming.
never let anyone tell you you are !!!!, you deserve better than that. you are so much more than that. you're a person and you deserve to be treated right. everyone thinks domestic abuse is being a human punchbag. but its so much more than physical, yes it can end up that way. but if someone tells you you are !!!!, if they criticize everything you do, if they isolate you from your family and friends, if they make you believe nobody else could ever want you, if they bring you down at every opportunity. That's not okay. i put up with it for 3 years because i was scared to be alone. but being alone was 100x better than being made to feel like !!!! everyday.
I'm trying to get over my past, but some of it still haunts me. Its !!!!ed up. My bf is the kindest most awesome person you can imagine, but when he;s nice to me, i still question it. i'm so used to being treated like !!!! that someone being nice to me, is alien to me. I know this how normal relationships should be, but i'm still so scarred that i dont know how to react. I've never really spoken out about this before but ive had a few years to reflect and i know now what i experienced was not good or healthy. I didn't have the confidence to leave. I had to wait til he cheated on me and left me for another woman.
What i'm trying to say is if you are unhappy, if something is wrong if youre being treated badly, it doesn't matter if its not
physical , get out. get out now and live the life you deserve to live. [/penguin]

Pyxis · 8 June 2016 at 10:29PM

MessedUp

:T :T :T

whitewing · 9 June 2016 at 11:53AM

Well done messed up - all your recent posts are about you sticking up for you.

You are an inspiration. I bet someone is changing their life right now because of you.

Glad you swapped a swine for a Swain.

jobbingmusician · 9 June 2016 at 12:02PM

OMG - I leave this thread for a day (completely unintentional due to late rehearsal last night) and come back to find psychic breakthroughs! I am soooo happy the bucket story was helpful, but actually your post, WaS, did resonate with something in me too - I am also aware that I'm a bit scared to be happy, and I don't know why. It's something to do with the phrase 'tears before bedtime'.

So there you are, I now have a lovely internal picture of us all being plants, growing together like climbing roses up a fence, all beautifully intertwined, with lovely flowers suddenly enabled to blossom. (How about a picture, Pycturexis?)

And MU - there are some lovely blossoms for us all to admire!

Good luck with the appt xxx

Lambyr · 9 June 2016 at 1:40PM

Hello everyone,

It's good to hear your feeling positive MU.

Unfortunately I have a bit of a downer going on.

PENGUIN (Bullying, human development, stuff that won't make me sound very nice).

Got a message today from a relative I don't talk to much, seemingly to remind me what a small world it is. Seems she's now friends with a girl at work - a girl I knew at school.

"Did you really break her ankle?!" - insert shocked smileys.

Yeah, I did. It was during a hockey match. She never really liked it that I was better than her so she spent the match clinging to me, trying to poke the ball away or block my shots or whatever she could do. Couple of times she'd poke her stick out to try and trip me. Eventually and inadvertantly on my part she was too close when she stepped in front to block a low drive... the ball went into her ankle followed quickly by my stick on the follow-through. She went down with some sort of fracture in her foot.

Truth is that even though it was unintentional, I didn't feel guilty about it then and I still don't.

This girl spent years trying to make my life a misery. I had an early puberty. I can still remember changing after swimming and this girl pointing at my hair down there and getting everyone else to join in mocking me. Somewhat ironically, it was maybe a week or two later we had the sex education class that brought up pubic hair.

I mentioned the other day I'm 5'10". I've been 5'10" since I was fourteen. I towered over all of the other girls at school in my year, and most in years above by the time I was 12/13. This was further proof to her and her clique that I was some sort of freak, as was not caring about Leonardo Di Caprio, or not giving a stuff about arguments over whether All Saints were better than the Spice Girls (I prefer rock and metal music).

One of the reasons I took kickboxing classes was because I felt if her aggressiveness towards me ever became physical, I wanted to be able to defend myself effectively... not to seriously hurt her but so that I could end any such confrontation quickly and put her off trying that again.

So when she went down that day screaming, crying... yeah, I'll be honest, I sorta wish I had done it on purpose. Plenty of people seemed to think I did, which didn't really help with not being branded a freak but it definitely stopped them from saying it to my face.

I hated school because of her. I think I was thirteen when I stayed up late one night and watched Carrie on TV, and honestly I wished I could have done those things Carrie does in the movie at the end. As an adult, I love learning... I spend far more time than is healthy reading about history, or learning about science. At school I did well but I deliberately never engaged with any of it - because then I'd be a "swot" and it'd be just another thing to put up with from her and her little group of cohorts.

And now, all these years later, I have to hear that she's still badmouthing me, over something that was not even my fault. That her mind somehow absolves itself of all blame for everything she did to me?

And yet that means she's won. The fact I'm sitting here, typing this and actually getting annoyed about it proves that she's had an effect on my life that I shouldn't be allowing her to have. Ah, well. Might order a pizza.

END PENGUIN

Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

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