Cash as a wedding gift - any advice??

deborah007 · 1 June 2006 at 7:41AM

sunflower wrote:

i am in a similar situation

good friends of ours are getting married and have asked for cash as their pressies (only after i asked if there was enything they wanted - they didnt expect anything)

i am wanting to give £50 but am a bit scared of it going astray at the party, or that they wont remember who its from etc

i was thinking of writing a cheque, but thought they may feel cheeky/uncomfortable cashing it (i think i would)

i like the photo frame idea - but am already pushing the budget with £50 so dont really want to fork out anymore

any ideas?

Why not give them a card at the wedding with a note saying that the present is seperate and send it to their house/give it to them later.

If you are giving them money they will be happy with that, I am sure.

D

wigginsmum · 1 June 2006 at 8:33AM

We didn't want presents and said so, but one wonderful surprise sticks in our mind. A friend surreptitiously took professional-quality photos throughout the day, somehow managed to get them developed in the afternoon and handed us a complete album full of photos that evening.

lynzpower · 1 June 2006 at 11:27AM

I struggle with this too.

I gave my mate cash in the end as I would not be shoehorned into a 70 quid teapot and other madness on thier wedding list. I gave them cash in currency for thier honeymoon ( 40 quid) for a dinner on thier honeymoon. She opened it and the first thing she said with pained face " i dont know how much this is" :mad:

Another mate of a mate was going on a round the world honeymoon,( theyd paid for the flights and had some money aside for it- and they had a wedding list of cash but for specific things "dinner in nepal £3" bungee jumping "£50" "hostel night £5" which I liked the idea of.

You could always write a cheque to the builder if you wanted to make sure you knew where the money was going.

I do find it a bit crass TBH. I dont think we will have a wedding list at all, we dont need anything

VickyA_2 · 1 June 2006 at 12:07PM

lynzpower wrote:

I gave my mate cash in the end as I would not be shoehorned into a 70 quid teapot and other madness on thier wedding list. I gave them cash in currency for thier honeymoon ( 40 quid) for a dinner on thier honeymoon. She opened it and the first thing she said with pained face " i dont know how much this is" :mad:

What a lovely thought! (the cash in currency)

We chose our wedding list yesterday and we hope that we've got loads of reasonable things on it, that all add up to a large dinner service..... but if people want to buy us a cup and saucer from it then they won't be spending over £10. The lady who downloaded our list onto the shop's system was appalled that we didn't have anything over £50 on it! Too blimmin' right we don't....

Ranger · 1 June 2006 at 12:14PM

Hi
We've just got married and are living in a small rented house whilst building our own home. Because we have no storage room or idea of what will be needed when we finish building, we had a dilema over what to do about a wedding list.

In the end we gave people 4 options:
1) Gift vouchers from John Lewis, M&S etc.
2) Cash towards our honeymoon
3) A Donation to Wateraid (our favourite charity) - easy to set up from their website
4) Don't give anything - we made it very clear we really just wanted people to come along and have a good time celebrating with us!

Its always hard to know what people thought to this - no-one is going to tell us it was insulting. However, most people seemed happy!

I think times have changed - it used to be that there was no mention at all of a wedding list, and guests had to ring the Bride's father to ask what the couple may like as a present....

There you go - that's what we did, if that helps at all!

Tondella · 1 June 2006 at 1:29PM

It's tough for the couple too, as people have really personal feelings about this matter and the last thing we wanted to do was offend people. As soon as we put word out about the wedding people started asking us what we would like as a gift, in their words "we're not coming if we can't buy you something". We haven't lived together before, and so there are usefully alot of kitchenware that we could do with to set up home together. I've gone for some good quality makes (though avoided "trendy" nigella/jamie oliver ranges, le cresuet, kitchenaid, magimix etc etc) as I'd like to be mixing cakes in my wedding gift bowls when i am sixty, but obviously these won't be the cheapest makes. We consulted our family widely about what sorts of things they would like to buy for us, and my MIL said that, given the choice between a workaday toaster, and something a bit more special like a silver photoframe, vase etc, she'd go for the latter as she imagined it would give more joy. There are some expensive things on our list, but we don't expect to receive any of it, and those items are in the minority, I would say 3/4 of the list is under £50, and in some cases well under. We refused the cards that the gift registry offered us to send in the invites and instead wrote the following:

The most important thing is that you come and celebrate the day with us. However, as we have already had some enquiries about wedding gifts, we have bowed to modern tradition and compiled a list of gifts we would be particularly delighted to receive. If you wish to, you can view the list online at https://www.xxxxx.xx.xx or telephone xxxx xxxx xxxx. The staff are really helpful and will send you a list or talk you through it all on the telephone. Alternatively, if it is easier, John Lewis offer gift vouchers – which we would use to buy bed linen and towels.

I hope that no one is offended, I certainly won't be offended if people turn up without gifts, they'll mostly have travelled a long way for the day, and be looking at overnight accommodation too. Everyone is invited because we genuinely want them to be there.

nadnad · 1 June 2006 at 1:55PM

Tondella wrote:

wrote the following:

The most important thing is that you come and celebrate the day with us. However, as we have already had some enquiries about wedding gifts, we have bowed to modern tradition and compiled a list of gifts we would be particularly delighted to receive. If you wish to, you can view the list online at www.xxxxx.xx.xx or telephone xxxx xxxx xxxx. The staff are really helpful and will send you a list or talk you through it all on the telephone. Alternatively, if it is easier, John Lewis offer gift vouchers – which we would use to buy bed linen and towels.

i think you've done that really nicely - because I don't think you can win these days - iif you do do a wedding list some think you are being presumptious and if you don't do a wedding list people complain cos they don't know what to get, and you'll end up with loads you don't want, if you ask for money some will be delighted at not having to trawl for a gift, others will be disgusted.

So I think thats a lovely way of showing people there is a list whilst also showing you don't expect anything.

Tondella · 1 June 2006 at 3:11PM

nadnad wrote:

i think you've done that really nicely - because I don't think you can win these days - iif you do do a wedding list some think you are being presumptious and if you don't do a wedding list people complain cos they don't know what to get, and you'll end up with loads you don't want, if you ask for money some will be delighted at not having to trawl for a gift, others will be disgusted.

So I think thats a lovely way of showing people there is a list whilst also showing you don't expect anything.

Thanks, that means a lot because we would be devastated if we offended our guests - it is such a minefield to navigate.

me_me20 · 1 June 2006 at 11:35PM

We are getting married in 9 days (& Counting!), we didn't send out gift list details with our invitations, but were hounded for details of what we wanted, so we set up a gift list at john lewis with some very expensive furniture on (and a cheapish dinner service). We then wrote poems to our guest explaining that we'd like this furniture, but really didn't expect anyone to buy it! but " all contributions would be greatfully received!"

We have had an influx of cheques through the post already and over 20 purchases on the gift list! & we've got over half for the furniture we were hoping to buy ourselves! and we're not even married yet!

Most of the cheques have come from older (quite traditional) relatives who understand that we are already on our 2nd toaster and would like something substantial that is going to last! We'll have 4 pieces of furniture that'll remind us of everyone who was with us on our special day! and we'll be able to put a picture frame on it with a wedding photo in!

(I have however made sure that I have posted hand written thankyou cards, posted 1st class before I banked the cheques!!!!)

I really don;t think cash is an unreasonable request, and seems to be the prefered gift of our guests!!!!

NKS · 1 June 2006 at 11:47PM

Friends of mine turned the 'ask for cash but send a note saying what it was spent on' idea around. They were planning on going travelling, so priced up different elements of the trip and asked for anything from 'the bus fare from Delhi airport' to 'a night in XYZ fancy hotel' to 'an elephant ride for two'. They've been married some time, the trip hasn't yet happened, but the funds are still allocated and when they do set off they'll be able to think of me as they sit on that bus....

Cash as a wedding gift - any advice??

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