Secret debt... How do I tell my Husband

kittykatneedscash · 6 March 2017 at 2:07PM

Hi NervousNellie you seem to be putting off the inevitable I don't want to sound harsh but you haven't found the right time to tell him in the last 8 weeks will there ever be a 'right' time? You have had 8 weeks of worry wondering and worrying how he will react if you've told him when you first posted who knows where you could be already, he can't support you unless he has the chance. He is probably worried as he knows there's somethings wrong and is likely to be jumping to all sort of conclusions. My advice is tell him as soon as you possibly can. I'm sure you will feel like there's a huge weight lifted that you are no longer keeping secrets from him and he may even be relieved if he knows why this is the reason you have been different. Good luck you have lots of support here

worriedDan · 7 March 2017 at 12:28PM

Hi,

You will feel better once you have spoken to him. I was in a similar position. My wife knew we had loads of debt but not the full extent. I have recently shared this with her and it;s been fine. She was actually more worried about me than how much we owe. Does you husband know that you have some debt, or will it be a total shock? You mentioned that you already have some debts with your husband? Are these significant debts and will you be able to service the total amount when you speak to him?

FoolishGirl · 15 March 2017 at 9:26PM

Hey there. First time posting but your story really struck a chord with me. So I too have been rather stupid with credit cards & loans & I won't go in to it all now but my debt spiralled to £23000. I felt stuck between a rock & a hard place thinking that I had no way to solve the debt other than to tell my husband but that if I did tell him I was sure that he'd leave me. I was losing sleep and becoming more & more distant, it's all been made worse by the fact that he's great with money. To cut a long story short my husband found out about some of my debt last week and it ended up with me telling him about all of it. It wasn't easy, I cried my way through most of 48hrs & he felt incredibly angry & betrayed.

I'm feeling shattered at the moment & I know that he is too. I'm so very lucky though that he wants to help me work through all this. He's already helped me sort a huge chunk of it out & I'm down to just over £16,000. He's worked through all the different ways to pay up the debt and we've used a snowball calculator to figure that if I pay at least a set amount each month I'll be free of it all in a maximum of 24months.

I'm incredibly ashamed & embarrassed of my frivolous spending (mostly over 14 months of maternity leave) & he's been left feeling frustrated that I didn't tell him earlier along with being angry & hurt. However, he has said that we can work through this & he just wishes that I'd told him earlier.

From one secret debtor to another...tell him...it doesn't solve the issue but as the old adage states 'a problem shared is a problem halved' & it's such a relief. X

NerviousNellie · 21 March 2017 at 2:35PM

Thank you so much for your advice, Its given me a bit of a confidence boost to tell him. Knowing that I am not the only one to have done this. I wish you the best of luck going forward

worriedDan · 21 March 2017 at 4:04PM

NerviousNellie wrote: »

Thank you so much for your advice, Its given me a bit of a confidence boost to tell him. Knowing that I am not the only one to have done this. I wish you the best of luck going forward

Hi Nellie,

Do you think that he might already know that you have debt? I think you mentioned in an earlier post that he has some debt too, so hopefully he will understand how easy it is to get into.

I don't regret opening up to my wife. I am still the one who sorts out the finances, but its great not having to worry about saying that we can't afford something or that we need to cut back a bit etc.

You might find that he is not as shocked as you expect.

Hillwalker17 · 21 March 2017 at 4:55PM

Good Luck with all of it.

Maybe it's time to post your debts so everyone can help you out with paying them off? The lovely people on here will probably save you money too on various things like interest, phone contracts and insurance. Someone will probably post a SOA link soon.

[Deleted User] · 21 March 2017 at 5:06PM

Nellie,

Please stop shilly shallying about and tell your husband, things will get worse before they get better, but you need his help to sort this out. He is already suspicious and that will only get worse, so do it!! Tell him!! No time is ever a good time.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to get all this off your chest and work together to sort it out.

NerviousNellie · 13 April 2017 at 6:56PM

I DID IT

I cannot believe I told him, I wrote a long long (too long) letter telling him everything and planned to post it on my way home from work and then drive off and tell him to read it but he pulled up in the car just as I did it and I broke down and told him everything (through insane tears)

I cannot believe it he gave me a huge hug and is obviously hurt I didn't tell him sooner but said it's only money and as long as I work hard to fix it we will
Be ok.

I cannot believe after so many years of deceit I can finally have an honest marriage to the most amazing man I certainly don't deserve.

Thank you to everyone you were all so right I needed to fess up and be honest. Best thing I have ever done. We are going to sit and go through finances tomorrow but for now we are going to sit and have a glass of wine.

Thanks again everyone x

Hillwalker17 · 13 April 2017 at 7:25PM

Well done NN.

I'm glad your feeling better and he understood everything. It must be a relief. Good luck with moving forward.

HW17

worriedDan · 13 April 2017 at 8:06PM

So pleased to hear that you have told him and that he is supporting you. The relief is immense isn't it! I found that the stress of trying to keep it to myself was worse than the actual debt! Like your husband said, it's only money! Wishing you all the best with your debt free journey!

Secret debt... How do I tell my Husband

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free