Not been honest and need to face up to the debt

Dfw_2 · 26 April 2015 at 9:32PM

Hi

I have reached a point where I need to tackle my debt head on before the situation gets any worse. I have about 13500 in debt owed to three credit cards (about 9000 is 0% interest). My husband knows I have debt but not the full extent and I know I need to face up to it and tell him. He's always been supportive but I'm ashamed to admit it...it's not even like I have anything to show for it its just consistent overspending. I'm on maternity leave at the moment so can't do much to properly tackle the debts but am making sure I meet all the min payments without fail.

When I go back my working hours will reduce to part time due to childcare costs etc but we have worked out a budget so we both contribute to the house which is fine. I don't want my husband to pay my debt...he wasn't the stupid one but the secret is driving a wedge between us as I feel so guilty all the time. He knows there's something wrong. I feel so ashamed, he's really good with money and clued up about these things.

I know the situation isnt dire, we have enough for bills and household costs and are even managing to save some as a couple but I need to tackle this before it escalates and gets worse and I need to get on top of my spending habits. Has anyone been in a similar situation...could do with the advice

Worried and ashamed

Timchips82 · 26 April 2015 at 10:45PM

Hi

My situation is similar. We have a lot of debt. My wife knows that we have a lot of debt. She also knows how much we are paying back each month in our debt free journey and how long we will be paying for BUT... I find it impossible to actually say the total amount. She isn't daft. She could easily work it out for herself.

Of course, totally honesty is the best way BUT... we are all different. Perhaps put a plan in place and then tell him a few months in when you are making in-roads in to the debt

As you said, he knows that you have SOME debt. How much does he think you owe?

in_need_of_direction · 27 April 2015 at 7:58AM

Hi dfw, some similarities with something money wise I faced with OH. I'd say tell your husband. My OH knew there was something really getting to me. By the time I told him, he was relieved to hear it was just money as he had been through every other scenario from a health issue to a permanent split! Good luck with whatever you do.

immoral_angeluk · 27 April 2015 at 9:32AM

You have to be honest with him. The longer you hide it, the angrier he'll be. It's really difficult to admit to things when we feel so ashamed, but if your partner is a decent person they will stand by you through thick and thin. You can work this problem, TOGETHER, you just need to be brave and take the first step. Ask for help.

Teacher2 · 27 April 2015 at 3:21PM

I'd say tell your husband as he sounds decent and will stand by you. Are you afraid you'll backslide? Cut up your credit cards and go cash only in that case. Also, get your self a budget schedule, either online or in book form (I use an accounts book from W.H. Smith) and write down all your joint income and outgoings. Budget ahead for bills, utilities and council tax.

Muppet_With_Money · 27 April 2015 at 3:30PM

You really must be honest with your other half. I wasn't when it came to light that I have consolidated a loan and not told my husband. He found out and I still denied it, even went as far as doctoring the documents to think it was for less amount of money. He found this out too and now some 8 months down the line, it looks like our marriage is over. He thought he could forgive me and we muddled through, but now he wants to leave.

I really wish I had owned up and not tried to take him for a fool. I would give anything and everything to be able to turn back the clock and be honest. He is not worried about the money, just about the lengths I went to, to try and deceive him.

It's a total mess, I urge you NOT to make the same mistakes as I have done.

Good Luck :-)

rockm87 · 27 April 2015 at 5:17PM

Be honest. your meant to support each other in marriage.

it could be worth sitting down as a couple (if he is clued up about money) and sorting this situation. He could help you with a realistic budget that means you arent just overspending all the time.

being married means youre part of a team, and if his strength is budgeting and money...then damn well make full use of that!! ;-)

ThatFishingGuy · 27 April 2015 at 7:28PM

Really. Don't be ashamed.

We're all slaves to the machine, and the more you beat yourself up for 'overspending' the worse it'll get.

I had a mental breakdown a this time last year and I'm just recovering now. I learned a lot.

Who I could trust, who were my friends, what was important to me.

I spent cash I didn't have on things I didn't need, or just a little extra here and there. I felt good at the time, but the depression had a way of tainting it all.

You only live once, cliched but true. The worst thing you can do is not pay the state, that's the only thing you can be jailed for. Even if that in itself is robbery. Anything else is replaceable.

I'm not saying that you should keep going the way you're going. I had a point where it was electricity or food, and still it had to be food that didn't need cooking or refrigerating!

I guess what I'm saying is that any sane person wont pity you or be ashamed of you. If you love each other it won't matter one bit. In fact it'll help, cause when you're sat on the sofa watching telly drifting away into your personal debt grief, they'll turn to you and snap you out of it, or ask you if you want to talk.

We live in a country where we get poorer and the rich get richer. Don't beat yourself up. We're all in the same boat, if we weren't, this website wouldn't exist.

Tell him and tell him why you didn't tell him. He'll understand.

Just my angle anyway.

Chin up, and in the words of Dory... "Just Keep Swimming!"

Lezconnecting · 20 May 2015 at 9:43AM

I'm in a very similar situation and have decided to go it alone on the debts I have run up.
I owe twice as much as you do.
I have made a decision not to tell my hubby as he can be very critical and it would cause him a lot of worry about paying it off and would probably never trust me again and who could blame him.
Anyway everyone's situation is different. Only you can decide but I personally thing that admitting you have a problem and tackling it is the first step. I wish I could turn the clock back but can't so the only way forward is to get stuck in and pay as much as I can when I can and stop spending more whilst the debt is reducing in the background.
Good luck xxx

Not been honest and need to face up to the debt

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