I don't think it gets much worse than this. Feel totally beaten

worriedDan · 20 March 2017 at 6:45PM

Thanks for posts. I do need a better routine for checking accounts etc. I seem to be logging in several times a day. Today has been much better though. My coping mechanism is to remember that my wife's small store card/ overdraft debts are not my concern at the moment AND that we do have 12k in my wife's isa. This means I can mentally wipe the 12k from the scary total, making it more mentally manageable.

parkrunner · 21 March 2017 at 2:25PM

worriedDan wrote: »

Since the start of this thread I have lost around a stone in weight, due to stress, worry and shame of the debt that I am in. I have had to take some time off work as I felt so awful. I am taking anti-depressants every day and have been referred for counselling. I never imagined that I would react so badly to what is a self inflicted situation. My main focus for the next 6 months is to stick to budget, clear around 10K of debt, but also to be a bot kinder to myself and get my health back on track.

One of the things that I struggled with was the thought of "what would everyone think if they knew". I still struggle with this to some extent. I worry that my friends who aren't in debt would judge me and view me differently. I spoke to an online counsellolr regarding these feelings and she asked me why I felt people had the right to know. My dad, sister and a close colleague know about the debt I gave rough figures) and none of them were particularly shocked or interested. They were more bothered about the state I was in. I have also found out that some people who I assumed were debt free actually have significant debts of their own.

I am so very grateful for this site and for everyone who has posted and supported me. It really has seen me through a very black period.

Great to see you are going to have counselling for the depression, the pills are good but counselling is even better.

As for others not being shocked or interested, it's probably because they also have debts but more importantly you have the income to quite easily overcome yours. So glad you told your wife

worriedDan · 21 March 2017 at 3:54PM

parkrunner wrote: »

Great to see you are going to have counselling for the depression, the pills are good but counselling is even better.

As for others not being shocked or interested, it's probably because they also have debts but more importantly you have the income to quite easily overcome yours. So glad you told your wife

Thanks Parkrunner. I think you are right about others having debts. I really thought that our situation was the worst ever - I had catastrophised it to such a level that I really couldn't imagine anyone being in more debt.

Mofette · 22 March 2017 at 5:41PM

worriedDan wrote: »

Since the start of this thread I have lost around a stone in weight, due to stress, worry and shame of the debt that I am in. I have had to take some time off work as I felt so awful. I am taking anti-depressants every day and have been referred for counselling. I never imagined that I would react so badly to what is a self inflicted situation. My main focus for the next 6 months is to stick to budget, clear around 10K of debt, but also to be a bot kinder to myself and get my health back on track.

I just replied to you in another thread, but I want to reiterate - you're doing amazing, you're an inspiration and your debt isn't at all that unusual tbh.

As people have said, your health is really important - you have stuck your head out and seen what's there and that is a major first step.

To make sure you don't end up in a further spiral, think about things you can do (staycation, stay with friends?) that would be as fun as going on holiday?
I take the time to go on little road trips to see people I miss out on. A lot of people have a spare room, you can pick up a bottle of wine and cook food together for not much cost, and see friends instead of soaking up sun somewhere else

We only go on holiday every other year, the rest of the time we are planning little road trips - you only pay for petrol and booze then!

And if you fancy a trip to Derby, we have a spare room and a wonderful local and I love to cook

Suffolk_lass · 24 March 2017 at 6:08PM

You should add a link to your DF diary in here - maybe edit the first post? - It makes a good read Dan

worriedDan · 26 March 2017 at 10:00PM

Mofette wrote: »

I just replied to you in another thread, but I want to reiterate - you're doing amazing, you're an inspiration and your debt isn't at all that unusual tbh.

As people have said, your health is really important - you have stuck your head out and seen what's there and that is a major first step.

To make sure you don't end up in a further spiral, think about things you can do (staycation, stay with friends?) that would be as fun as going on holiday?
I take the time to go on little road trips to see people I miss out on. A lot of people have a spare room, you can pick up a bottle of wine and cook food together for not much cost, and see friends instead of soaking up sun somewhere else We only go on holiday every other year, the rest of the time we are planning little road trips - you only pay for petrol and booze then!

And if you fancy a trip to Derby, we have a spare room and a wonderful local and I love to cook

Thanks Mofette! Might take you up on that offer one day!!!!

worriedDan · 26 March 2017 at 10:01PM

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

You should add a link to your DF diary in here - maybe edit the first post? - It makes a good read Dan

Thanks SL, I will try and edit it.

I don't think it gets much worse than this. Feel totally beaten

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