advice on contact please

Jacko_amz · 26 January 2015 at 7:40PM

Hi everyone,

My partner has a 5yr old son with his ex partner, they have been split 2years now. Contact is very inconsistent and we just wanted some advice whether theres anything he can do about this.

My partner works full time and has one weekend off a month, the rest of the weeks he has 2 days off during the week. at the moment he is only 'allowed' his son on the weekend off. My partner has been asking for a long time now to have him overnight during the week however it is always a no with no real valid reason other than it will ruin his routine. we provide a very stable environment he has his own bedroom there has been no reason in which we have given as to why it would not be suitable for him to stay here on school nights.
mediation is always a no when mentioned, partner and ex partners relationship is very volatile and contact goes through grandparents however this cannot go on forever?
any suggestions on whether seeing a solicitor is worthwhile or will a court not agree to overnight once a week.

Thanks in advance xx

restless6 · 27 January 2015 at 11:44PM

I have a 5yr old son and have been to mediation.
It was in my sons best interests to remain at home during the week to maintain routine and consistency with school routine too.

I would suggest your partner change his working pattern to suit his son , so he can see him more at the weekend, rather than expect to disrupt his childs routine too suit him.

PETIE · 27 January 2015 at 11:49PM

restless6 wrote: »

I have a 5yr old son and have been to mediation.
It was in my sons best interests to remain at home during the week to maintain routine and consistency with school routine too.

I would suggest your partner change his working pattern to suit his son , so he can see him more at the weekend, rather than expect to disrupt his childs routine too suit him.

Would it not become routine if the father had the child on the same day every week?

As a person who grew up without a father I am sure that i would of prefered to see him on a weekly basis than not at all

restless6 · 27 January 2015 at 11:55PM

PETIE wrote: »

Would it not become routine if the father had the child on the same day every week?

As a person who grew up without a father I am sure that i would of prefered to see him on a weekly basis than not at all

I see your viewpoint but, why should the dad not attempt to alter his working days first?

Many many parents work around their kids routines, childcare and schooling etc , so i would expect him to at least attempt this in the first instance and from the OP , there is no mention of it yet.

Also with a 5yr old, after school say 4pm to bedtime at approx 7pm- it is not really much access is it? Better than nothing yes, but if there is a better alternative then no.

Guest101 · 28 January 2015 at 8:21AM

If mediation fails, go to court. Get a damn sight more than 2 days a month

elsien · 28 January 2015 at 8:29AM

My brother has a court order giving him contact every other weekend (Fri pm to sun pm), one evening a week to stay for tea and a midweek overnight stay on the weeks he doesn't have the weekend. He also has half of all the half terms and holidays.
He picks the children up after school and drops them off at school in the morning. It does not disrupt their routine because he is a sensible dad . Just because things aren't done exactly the same as at mums does not make it disruptive.
OP, talk to a solicitor. It would be best for all if arrangements can be made without involving court, but if there is little other option then her refusal of mediation won't help.

fivetide · 28 January 2015 at 10:13AM

PETIE wrote: »

Would it not become routine if the father had the child on the same day every week?

As a person who grew up without a father I am sure that i would of prefered to see him on a weekly basis than not at all

Totally agree with this.

Restless6 you seem to be completely missing the point that the dad has two days off in the week so I would suggest he works in retail or something so he has to cover weekends and gets his 'weekend' in the week.

On those days there would be no harm in dad collecting the child from school and taking them back the next day.

It would involve dad in the wee ones schooling and provide, as pointed out by PETIE, the same routine.

Dad needs to change nothing. Mum needs to behave a bit better and do what is genuinely best for the child by letting them have a relationship with dad.

Jacko_amz · 28 January 2015 at 8:53PM

hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies, there's no chance in the days off being changed that's a non-negotiable.

hopefully with time her bitterness will subside and she will become more willing to let him have access more.

at the moment court is not an option for the time being as finances aren't able to stretch that far. but it's definitely something we will think of and find the finances if it doesn't get better in the future.

TBagpuss · 28 January 2015 at 9:31PM

could you start by suggesting non-staying contact in the week? Maybe dad picking him up from school, and dropping him back to mum after supper, in time for bed?

it gives him more time with his dad, and makes it less of a stretch to move to include overnights in the week in the future, and gives dad the opportunity to have a bit of involvment with the school.

Jagraf · 29 January 2015 at 10:53PM

What about another weekend and then you can look after him? He can get used to you too, so every other weekend. If you work as a team it makes access easier.

Jacko_amz · 30 January 2015 at 1:59PM

we may try after school, i know that was tried in the past and failed as ex would dictate what had to be done after school and in 4hrs it soon goes.

That could be a suggestion Jagraf i will suggest that to partner when he comes home from work.

Sorry it seems all negative from me with your suggestions we just seem to have exhausted them all and when its always a NO it's like banging your head against a brick wall. Hopefully in time and as he grows up and is able to make his own decisions it will change

advice on contact please

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