Separation advice
tshrbhag
Posts: 91 Forumite
Hi,
Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
I've been married to the same lady for 15 years. We are in our late 30s now. In the last few years, things haven't been so good and we have come to a point of divorce. For the kid's sake though, we have mutually decided to stay in the same house.
My wife has not really worked throughout the marriage apart from the first few years where she worked with me for a while in helping me a setup a company that we sold 2 years ago. Everything that came from that company will be split half and half.
I recently started a new software business all by myself. Now my wife claims that she wants half of that business when we divorce. At the moment, I'm a sole trader. As I haven't really saved much money from that business, that's not a problem either.
I'm however looking at some bigger figures in the future and want to protect the money that I make if we didn't go in for a divorce immediately. Would registering a Limited Company be of any help?
Any other advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
I've been married to the same lady for 15 years. We are in our late 30s now. In the last few years, things haven't been so good and we have come to a point of divorce. For the kid's sake though, we have mutually decided to stay in the same house.
My wife has not really worked throughout the marriage apart from the first few years where she worked with me for a while in helping me a setup a company that we sold 2 years ago. Everything that came from that company will be split half and half.
I recently started a new software business all by myself. Now my wife claims that she wants half of that business when we divorce. At the moment, I'm a sole trader. As I haven't really saved much money from that business, that's not a problem either.
I'm however looking at some bigger figures in the future and want to protect the money that I make if we didn't go in for a divorce immediately. Would registering a Limited Company be of any help?
Any other advice will be greatly appreciated.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction!
0
Comments
-
No. She could still be awarded some of the shares as a part of any settlement.
Your best bet is to either :
(a) Get divorced now, and have a formal, clean break order setting out what you are each having now, and dismissing any future claims. OR
(b) have a formal Separation Agreement now - make sure that you both take legal advice and that the deed records that you have. This is not cast iron but will make it harder for her to make further claims, as the deed would be part of the evidence which a court would consider when determining what settlement was fair, on divorce.
You say that you are splitting things 50/50 altough your wife doesn't work. What is your wife's earning capacity, and how does it compare with yours?> How old are your children?
If you wife's earning capacity is lower than yours, particuarly if the children are still young and child care is likely to impact her ability to be flexible in looking for work, then it may well be that it would be reasonable for her to have a larger share of the capital now, to off set lower income / earning capacity.
It may be worth considering offering her a 60/40 split in return for her agreeing to a clean break order now.
Go and see a solicitor to discuss your options. It is a false economy not to get proper professional advice.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
I made decent money over the years mate. I'm 36 right now. We have got properties together in joint name and the equity in them is massive. Plus we also have mountains of savings which are going to be 50/50. Even if she decides not to work, she will be fine for the rest of her life.
The new business is something like a pride for me. She was running around doing crazy things while I took control and started a new business. Now she claims 50% of it.Every action has an equal and opposite reaction!0 -
I made decent money over the years mate. I'm 36 right now. We have got properties together in joint name and the equity in them is massive. Plus we also have mountains of savings which are going to be 50/50. Even if she decides not to work, she will be fine for the rest of her life.
The new business is something like a pride for me. She was running around doing crazy things while I took control and started a new business. Now she claims 50% of it.
If you have plenty of savings then spend a little of them and go and see a solicitor. It might save you a lot in the long run.0 -
Totally out of curiosity, do you mind if I ask why you agreed to her not working? Was it her insisting she didn't want to, something you agreed because it suited both her and you (in terms of the kids, looking after the house etc...), or it is something you were keen on because for instance you believe that it was better for the children to have a sahm.
I am asking because considering the divorce rate in this days and age, and the fact that women still seem to be very much protected by the court in divorce proceeding, I am surprised that so many husbands seem not bothered with their wives not working (in addition to the fact that it would bring more of an income during the marriage).
I know that my husband would not be happy at all with me not working despite having children. That's perfectly fine because I certainly wouldn't want to be 100% financially dependent and I take pride in earning a living and participating in the family income.
I'm just curious trying to understand different motives for this decision. I'm also curious trying to understand your wife's position as to why she thinks she should be entitled to half the business if she never contributed to setting it up and running it.0 -
There are many ways to contribute. If the wife took more responsibility for the children and home, she may have enabled the husband to focus on building a business, even if she did not directly participate in the business. Also, presumably the new business is also part of the marital assets, just like real estate, pensions etc....0
-
Totally out of curiosity, do you mind if I ask why you agreed to her not working? Was it her insisting she didn't want to, something you agreed because it suited both her and you (in terms of the kids, looking after the house etc...), or it is something you were keen on because for instance you believe that it was better for the children to have a sahm.
I am asking because considering the divorce rate in this days and age, and the fact that women still seem to be very much protected by the court in divorce proceeding, I am surprised that so many husbands seem not bothered with their wives not working (in addition to the fact that it would bring more of an income during the marriage).
I know that my husband would not be happy at all with me not working despite having children. That's perfectly fine because I certainly wouldn't want to be 100% financially dependent and I take pride in earning a living and participating in the family income.
I'm just curious trying to understand different motives for this decision. I'm also curious trying to understand your wife's position as to why she thinks she should be entitled to half the business if she never contributed to setting it up and running it.
Other people may take equal pride in taking responsibility for caring for children and home, which is an often thankless task and one which does not offer holiday pay, time off or sick pay! One way to look at it is to consider what it would cost to have a full time nanny and a full time housekeeper - that is not a bad starting point to consider what the contribution of a stay-at-home parent or house wife/husband is.
In terms of the new business - you cannot under estimate that value of someone who frees up their spouse's time to pursue something like building up a new business. In most cases, both parties would have been involved in the financial risk, whether directly or indirectly. If the OP stopped work, or worked less, in his former job in order to devote more time to the business start up, that will have had a direct impact on the joint finances.
OP - if you want to keep the new business then that should not present any difficulty,it would be entirely fair to offer your ex something else as an alternative - a slightly bigger share of the money from the house, or from another of the properties, or of the joint savings, for instnace. an equal split foes not have to mean that every asset is split, it only means that the total value of the assets is split.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
One way to look at it is to consider what it would cost to have a full time nanny and a full time housekeeper - that is not a bad starting point to consider what the contribution of a stay-at-home parent or house wife/husband is.
This analogy often comes up and I personally find it totally offending. It's as if saying that he should have to repay his wife for services she provided for him in a professional manner. Surely the two are not comparable. It is quite different looking after your own children and keeping your own house than it is to look after stranger's kids and home? Not every sahm cleans their house to the standard you would expect a paid cleaner to do.
Anyway, that wasn't my query. What I am trying to understand is the dynamic that takes place when a couple where both work decide that the mum will stop work to look after the kids. In my environment, some men were quite happy with the decision that they would suddenly become the sole earner whilst the wife stayed at home with the kids, most that's the minority. Most have said at some point that they wished their wives had gone back to work once the kids had started school, but the wives wouldn't have it and they didn't feel they could force them to.
I appreciate though that my experience is not forcibly reflective of the whole society so that's why I am asking.0 -
I know plenty of Mums who are sahm and whose husbands are perfectly happy with it. I also know a sahd, who's wife is also happy with the arrangement.
Opinion is of course divided, but some people feel that it is important to have a parent at home, not only in the very early years but also to drop off and pick up from school when they reach that age.
It is also difficult to cover 13 weeks holiday a year unless you have a lot of family & friends around to help out, which not everyone does. There are not many part time, term time only jobs available.
I don't really see why husbands (or wives) should 'mind' if this is the choice that they have made - presumably together.
You may take pride in contributing financially, others may take pride in not having to use childcare. Not everybody wants to hear about their child's first steps from a daycare provider for example.
Of the sahm I know, I can honestly say I have never heard one of them say that their husband/partner would prefer they work. In fact, I would go so far as to say that most are grateful that their wives were willing to do it. I do have one friend whose husband is wanting her to give up her (part time) job, she is so far refusing as she finds her days at work more peaceful!0 -
This analogy often comes up and I personally find it totally offending. It's as if saying that he should have to repay his wife for services she provided for him in a professional manner. Surely the two are not comparable. It is quite different looking after your own children and keeping your own house than it is to look after stranger's kids and home? Not every sahm cleans their house to the standard you would expect a paid cleaner to do.
It is n't about repaying someone - it's about noting and recognising that caring for children, caring for a home, supporting a partner are all valuable contributions to the well-being of the family as a whole. Such tasks tend to be undervalued - it's not uncommon for men (it is usually men, even nowadays) to see themselves as having contributed more, and therefore deserving more, than their wives in situations where the wife has cared for children, home etc and therefore made it possible for the husband to continue to pursue and progress in his career. Likening it to the cost of replacing the unpaid tasks done by the wife/SAH spouse with the cost of getting those same tasks done by a third party is simply a way of helping people to recognise that being a SAH Parent, or working around children's needs, is a valuable job, it doesn't mean that the person doing it is a !!!!!!!!!! who should be grateful to their spouse for his support.
In terms of mothers returning to work, one of the issues is that in many cases, it may be very difficult to return to work - many working mums end up working in jobs which they have taken on because they fit around child care, school holidays etc, and such jobs may, in a lot of cases, not be as stimulating or rewarding as the jobs that those same women had before they had children. And they are often not particularly well paid.
So women in that situation may find themselves in a position where returning to work means taking a job which is lower paid, lower status and less interesting that the one they had before they had children, and where much of their income is swallowed up in child care costs, and where they end up still doing the bulk of the housework and child care. It's not very appealing.
Obviously if you are in a relationship in which your spouse is supportive, is willing to take a fair share of the work involved in looking after the house and children, and if you can get a job which is reasonably congenial, then the position is very different.
I would be interested to know how many of the men who want their wives to return to paid employment have discussed how they would divide up the housework, child care etc, whether they have made clear that they will cover half of the emergencies when a child is sick, how willing they would be to apply for flexible working so that their wives can progress at work etc.
Of corus there are many athers who do do those things, but I do think that overwhelmingly, it tends to be the case that mothers / wives are expected to manage both work and families to a much greater extent then fathers, and that husbands/fathers often greatly underestimate the work needed to do that sucecssfully.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
A lot of men are happy for their wives to be sahm's, until of course they split up & he realizes that her earning capacity has been diminished by it & he is going to have to bolster her income. Then the moaning & "my" money aspect comes into play.
Same for women moaning about how they can't get jobs cause of staying at home yet ex husband has left them without sufficient income or ability to support themselves when they split.
You can't have it both ways, either maintain your financial independence or take the risk of being left in a diminished financial capacity.
And the men either pay for a nanny & wife works or they accept that in the case of the split, the financial disparity will always be their responsibility to support.
I do sometimes wonder if couples even have these kinds of conversations before they make decisions or if they both jump in without thought or idea to the future?I don't respond to stupid so that's why I am ignoring you.
2015 £2 saver #188 = £450
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343K Banking & Borrowing
- 250K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.6K Spending & Discounts
- 235.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 607.8K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards