In a mess and thinking this is the best

This will be a long one as i have not spoken about this before its all on me, I had a breakdown years ago had agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, before that i was never in debt i worked also but i always struggled with life, I didnt want to be here anymore the only thing that kept me alive was thinking if i had alot of money i could get out of this situation I felt i had to move to feel better, the memory's of where i live the people, so unfourunetley i started to gamble as that was the only way i thought i could make the money, ive seen doctors, ive seen pshycologists, but nothing works for the inside so this was my only souliton, im 42 and still live with parents im scared to go out, the pshycologists have gave up on me, anyway long story cut short i got 2 credit cards, I had paid them all of a few years ago, but my situation was still the same, so you guessed it i maxed all the credit cards now im in debt up to 6500 which i worry about, i had a big win ish but i thought that wouldnt last me out in the real world so tried again lost it all and more. i am on esa and pip, i also have that hanging over me as im to be reasessed soon they are coming to my house when i dont know, so i spiral yet again and gamble scared, i try to stop, i still pay the credit cards everymonth never have i defaulted . my mum and dad knew about my gambeling a few years ago and they made me feel like the worse trash ever, like you know this is bad blar blar blar made me feel i had betrayed them, tbh i dont really want to be here in this world but the thought that money would help me ket me going now im fed up with all of this, and thought just do a dro get it over and done with and start again, sorry for the spelling errors btw and the not making sense, any advice would help, please no more telling offs, or you got yourself in this situation cause i know full well its all my fault:(