Money Moral Dilemma: Should I say it's your turn to pay for Christmas dinner?

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Former_MSE_Megan_F
Former_MSE_Megan_F Posts: 418 Forumite
Newshound!
edited 19 December 2016 at 4:17PM in Special occasions & other celebrations
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
For the past few years we've had the family round to ours for Christmas dinner, and paid for most of the food and drink. We've been invited to my sister's this year, but now they suddenly want a kitty for us all to chip in, should I say something?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Comments

  • 7roland8
    7roland8 Posts: 3,601 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
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    Have they said how much? Just co
    ntribute a ittle and then ask for a contribution if they are with you next year
    Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. -- Sally Koch
  • scotsbob
    scotsbob Posts: 4,632 Forumite
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    Some members of my family would struggle financially to host a family meal, other members wouldn't.


    I'm sure you are not the type of person who calculates the value of every gift received in order to return one of the same value. Therefore I think you should contribute if you were asked to.


    .
  • an1179
    an1179 Posts: 1,839 Forumite
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    It depends on their circumstances but I would have thought that they would make you an exeption due to your previous years' of hosting Christmas. If they are hard up perhaps bring your own drinks
  • Sean_Burn
    Sean_Burn Posts: 2 Newbie
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    Damn right you should tell them to pay, too many takers in this world. If there are legit circumstances then let them explain then you have a chance to negotiate, but if you set a precedent by chipping in...it will always be there.
  • grahamb_2
    grahamb_2 Posts: 12 Forumite
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    Too right you remind them you have paid the lot before! I have a similar problem with my sister in law who has run to us at Xmas for years. Last year we were invited to hers but were asked to provide the turkey and desert. She`s coming back this year but my wife will not let me ask her (tell her) to provide something - plus sis in law has asked if we can pick her up and drive her home!

    Beat that!
    :eek:
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,393 Forumite
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    Just remind them, very gently, that you have hosted Christmas for X years.
    Certainly take drinks.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
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    Wouldn't it be really helpful if the original post told us something about family finances - whether the 'OP''s family is better off than the sister who is hosting this year?

    All things being equal, I'd point out that my family had hosted - and mainly funded - previous Christmas dinners so it seems a bit unfair to be asked to chip in this year.

    However, depending on the dynamics of the family, this may cause a huge rift so might be better just sucking it up and paying up.

    But this would then set a precedent for future years where all guests chuck some money into a kitty.
  • happyinflorida
    happyinflorida Posts: 807 Forumite
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    Grrrrr - again more info needed before being able to answer

    1 is your sister financially not able to pay for all of you
    2 has she explained why she's asking for money to be paid, ie are they buying more expensive things for everyone?

    If she's financially the same as you are and you've paid for years, then you should explain to her why you are unhappy about her request

    Talk

    Talk to the people concerned, not us
  • Holygrail
    Holygrail Posts: 11 Forumite
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    Agree with all the above. Only thing I would add to the post from happyinflo is that sometimes it is good to get non-interested parties opinions. They can add insights which the OP of a dilemma may not have thought of.
  • VfM4meplse
    VfM4meplse Posts: 34,269 Forumite
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    MSE_Megan_F wrote: »
    For the past few years we've had the family round to ours for Christmas dinner, and paid for most of the food and drink. We've been invited to my sister's this year, but now they suddenly want a kitty for us all to chip in, should I say something?
    I find monetising the event in this way the height of bad taste.

    If the host had any sense she'd make it a planned "bring a dish" event which would save her on the prep too.
    Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!

    "No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio

    Hope is not a strategy :D...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!
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