Advice needed for a relationship - Long distance/older couple

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  • ognum
    ognum Posts: 4,842 Forumite
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    LE3 wrote: »
    And I'm sure F & M will if they decide that's what they want - I think they are just really practical sorts though who are well aware that things like jobs aren't as easy to get as they used to be, houses don't buy themselves and elderly parents shouldn't be too far away.

    These two are the most selfless people I know and maybe that's their problem - they always put other people first & maybe they need to do something for them now? Not that it would make it any easier for me to know what to do if I were in their position - I certainly wouldn't be in a rush to give up my stable job, my house, my friends - everything that I had worked hard for over 20 odd years. Would you?

    If I truly thought that this was the person I wanted to be with then I would move those things, it is not like you actually give up everything is it?

    You would have the same friends just further to travel to see them, you would still have a home just in a different place etc etc.

    If M and F cannot see this then they will never think that being together is important enough to change the current comfy lives they have.

    They do have to choose a bit of discomfort for a long term loving relationship, sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone if you think it's worth it!!
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    Sorry but I don't see what the problem is. Surely it is a matter of feelings and only they will know when it is the right time to do whatever they consider the right thing to do. They don't need to be advised. It would be another matter if one wanted one thing and the other something else, but from what I've read, it doesn't seem to be the case, yet?

    In the end, if it is nothing or marriage, they will come a time when they will have to decide if they go for the nothing or the marriage. If it is the marriage, they will have to make compromises in terms of who moves where.

    If it was my friend/family, I would just listen to what they have to say and get excited with them about any developments.
  • LE3
    LE3 Posts: 612 Forumite
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    FBaby wrote: »
    Sorry but I don't see what the problem is. Surely it is a matter of feelings and only they will know when it is the right time to do whatever they consider the right thing to do. They don't need to be advised.

    If it was my friend/family, I would just listen to what they have to say and get excited with them about any developments.

    I do agree, however it's nice to see how others view the same situation! If it were your friend/sibling/relative/whoever talking to you, being obviously confused & asking advice on what they should do, would you not want to have several different viewpoints to help them consider their options?
    Too often you only see a problem from your own perspective and others see it differently - a few people have made helpful comments which I can feed back to the couple next time they talk to me (eg Judi saying about many people marrying for companionship)
    If anyone else has anything useful to say, I'd be pleased to hear it :)
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367 Forumite
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    I totally agree with you, but this is not about making to right or wrong decision, but what is right for both of them and nobody can know that but them.

    Yes, many people marry for companionship, but how is this knowledge supposed to help them make a decision? Does the fact that many people do it makes it right for them?
  • Sambucus_Nigra
    Sambucus_Nigra Posts: 8,669 Forumite
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    LE3 wrote: »
    I do agree, however it's nice to see how others view the same situation! If it were your friend/sibling/relative/whoever talking to you, being obviously confused & asking advice on what they should do, would you not want to have several different viewpoints to help them consider their options?
    Too often you only see a problem from your own perspective and others see it differently - a few people have made helpful comments which I can feed back to the couple next time they talk to me (eg Judi saying about many people marrying for companionship)
    If anyone else has anything useful to say, I'd be pleased to hear it :)

    Have they asked you for help?
    If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.
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