Wedding/dealing with mother

sulphate · 1 March 2017 at 8:13PM

GlasweJen wrote: »

I've seen threads where someone's mentioned a narcissistic mum being derailed by the "don't label without a doctor" brigade and really can't be bothered with those responses. I think my younger sister is golden child, brother was the black sheep until she sent him away and then it was me (he went away before I started primary).

She's doing everything she can to sabotage my day from wearing a high street dress (her outfits for my sisters weddings were all north of £1K), wearing my bridesmaid colours for her accessories and complaining that the hotel charges for breakfast with the room rate she booked. Between her and my mother in law (who is just a bit mother of the groom-zilla and a control freak and has chilled a bit since we started paying final bills) I'm surprised I've not had a nervous breakdown.

Sorry but this makes you sound a bit bridezilla-ish! My mum wore an outfit from John Lewis on our wedding day and she looked amazing. I would have fallen off my chair had she spent £1k on an outfit.

jumpedtheshark · 1 March 2017 at 8:54PM

I think some posters are being a bit hard on the OP's point about the dress, etc.

I think what OP means is that her mother has purposely spent less to show her 'ungrateful' daughter how much less important she is to her mother. In most families, it's not about the money. But, in families where it is, this is just one of her mother's ways of trying to upset her daughter and undermine her self-confidence on her wedding day.

svain · 1 March 2017 at 8:58PM

Cash transfer onto a 0% credit card the amount you owe your mum and pay her back!!!

Strip away all the bull sh*t of £1k outfits, posh dinners and problem family members and remind yourself what is important here .... which is you and your partner getting married!! .... preferably, i would suggest elsewhere, away from the circus!! .... and not what people have contributed or what they intend on wearing

However i doubt you will do this as it feels like part of this problem is your insistence to compare your life with your siblings and who wore what during these weddings

annandale · 1 March 2017 at 9:09PM

What I don't understand is, if your dad's feelings would have been hurt if he didn't contribute then why hasn't he made sure you got the same contribution as your sisters?

iammumtoone · 1 March 2017 at 9:15PM

svain wrote: »

as it feels like part of this problem is your insistence to compare your life with your siblings and who wore what during these weddings

It doesn't read like that me me. The OP is just trying to explain some background to the situation, you can't do right for wrong on here. Give away too little information and you get told you are in the wrong, try to explain in more detail why you feel like you do, then that gets used against you!

svain · 1 March 2017 at 9:31PM

iammumtoone wrote: »

It doesn't read like that me me. The OP is just trying to explain some background to the situation, you can't do right for wrong on here. Give away too little information and you get told you are in the wrong, try to explain in more detail why you feel like you do, then that gets used against you!

But .... in reality its irrelevant to the problem, What happened in the past with regards sibling weddings only becomes part of her problem if the OP lets it still.

She would feel far more empowered if she just let it go, didnt compare and financed/arranged her big day independently from her mother/family.

iammumtoone · 1 March 2017 at 9:40PM

svain wrote: »

But .... in reality its irrelevant to the problem, It only becomes part of the problem if the OP lets it still.

Yes that is very true but if they hadn't gone into background detail posters would assume a lovely mother/daughter relationship and advised differently.

I see you are fairly new on here, welcome to the forum btw, sorry if I seemed to pick on your post, you were just the last one to mine but your aren't the only one with this is view.

svain · 1 March 2017 at 9:42PM

iammumtoone wrote: »

I see you are fairly new on here, welcome to the forum btw, sorry if I seemed to pick on your post, you were just the last one to mine but your aren't the only one with this is view.

No apology needed and thankyou for the welcome

Aced2016 · 1 March 2017 at 10:00PM

My mum is very much like this, she only bothers with me now so she can see my kids. Or rather take pictures on them for her Facebook.

I don't care for her at all !! I don't have any time for her. I never contact her or visit her. She also invited people to my wedding that I made clear I didn't want there.

However you took a lot of money from her and £5000 is a lot of money. If someone causes you this much stress take a step back. Don't take her money, don't text, don't go out your way to contact her. Try and limit these type of people from your life ! I have and I've never been happier. Just wish I had the guts to cut her off completely though !

Enjoy your wedding

theoretica · 1 March 2017 at 10:50PM

I think the line for your mum now has to be that everything is finalised, just too late to make changes with the contractors, so no point discussing really. Can you let things she says just wash over you?

Wedding/dealing with mother

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