Hoarding - A New Start

Picklepot · 27 January 2013 at 8:11PM

Help! Scary emotions in my garage!

Help needed please.. just hit a tough patch in my garage. I know there's scary stuff in there i just need to deal with it.I dont know how.

Its relating to my DS now 19 and his special educational needs.. i battled for years to get him assessed, when he got to secondary school they were horrified he was so far behind and had slid through the system that he was immediatly put through months of tests.

I feel i need to keep the stuff to prove to him how i fought for him that i had evidence they kept refusing any help.The folders are thick, the letters are all there some of the terminology is so hurtful that they could write a 7 year old boy off. I have just had to slam the box lid closed but i have to deal with it sometime.

He is still affected by it.. his boss says he is exceptional but he has failed twice to get an apprenticeship, he has a massive gap between his practical ability and his academic ability... its all still raw all these years later.

I have avoided the garage because i knew there was stuff like this in there but i did not expect to have such an extreme response.

Sorry to ramble.. any help gratefully recieved.

Picklepot · 27 January 2013 at 8:16PM

P.S still catching up on recent pages so sorry for not responding to any of you apart from thanks you's couldn't...have even peered into the garage without all of you!!!

whitewing · 27 January 2013 at 8:30PM

Picklepot,

Maybe right now isn't the time to sort that particular box.

Are most of the garage contents old hoard, or is there a lot of emotional stuff there?

If you could just take Scary Boxes out and store them out of the way (loft? parents?) and tackle the rest, that may help.

Byatt · 27 January 2013 at 8:32PM

Pickle, I have stuff relating to my DD, the adoption stuff and educational stuff. It's in a folder, it was my intention that DD would see the adoption stuff one day although it would make hard reading, but I don't think that will happen now. It's all in a folder and I coudln't get rid of it even though I haven't looked at it for years. IMHO I don't think you have to make a decision regarding it right now, you're not ready and there's other things you can look at and decide in the meantime.

For me, I would wait a few more years and if he wants to see the box then fine but maybe ask him when he's a bit older, I think at 19 it's easy to say get rid, but later you wish you had kept something.

Of course it's still raw, be kind to yourself.

Pitlanepiglet · 27 January 2013 at 8:58PM

Picklepot, My thought would be you've thought about it, you've decided that you still need to keep the box so that's it, job done. Seal it up, tuck it away for 5 years and see how things are then. No more stress... That's not ignoring it, that's making a decision that now isn't the time.

Keeping painful stuff is good. My (wise) grandmother kept some letters and stuff that give me another perspective on my parents divorce than the one that I had as a child, painful, but helpful. Also some letters from the time my Mum died that make painful reading but tell me how loved I was by so many people.

Tape it up, put it away, put a note in your electronic diary for a few years time and move on <<<<Hugs>>>>

This_Year · 27 January 2013 at 8:59PM

GQ - thanks, will look in the £ shop for tape. If it saves my sanity it's worth the squid!

As for freecycle, I work on a "first reply gets it" basis. Maybe not what they want but if it's gone, it's gone. Luckily we've never had any no-shows.

Whitewing, I'm ashamed to say our vital documents are behind OH's laptop. Not fireproof, waterproof nor idiot proof lol :eek:

Presents... I have a "wedding" platter which was a wedding present to my FIRST OH - it's on top of the fridge, but can I dispose of it? I'm now tempted to tell DD to drop it in to the CS on the way to college tomorrow as it means nothing to me.

Jojo, it takes me 20 minutes to clean both bathroom and downstairs loo. I put some Bon Jovi on LOUD and have a singalong while wiping/polishing and chucking empty bottles. Bin gets emptied and we're done. OH does the towels and the loo cleaning in his wednesday routine anyway.

Nightsong, ebay gets me down now as I do sell but it's hanging around until it does. If I want things gone, I want things gone, yesterday!

Picklepot - those boxes don't need sorting (yet) let them be. Take them to your mum's loft, get them away from you as they're oozing negativity. You don't need that. Your boy has a fantastic mum, don't ever forget that.

Didn't do half as much as I wanted today as it was such a nice day. No excuse really

I did want to clear some of my [STRIKE]minefield[/STRIKE] bedroom but looked at an agency website and found a job to apply for, and applying for that took time. And OH wants to help but his idea of a CV and cover letter is about 30 years out of date

Love him to pieces for wanting to help but it's driving me up the wall!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted · 27 January 2013 at 9:31PM

Picklepot wrote: »

Help! Scary emotions in my garage!

Help needed please.. just hit a tough patch in my garage. I know there's scary stuff in there i just need to deal with it.I dont know how.

Its relating to my DS now 19 and his special educational needs.. i battled for years to get him assessed, when he got to secondary school they were horrified he was so far behind and had slid through the system that he was immediatly put through months of tests.

I feel i need to keep the stuff to prove to him how i fought for him that i had evidence they kept refusing any help.The folders are thick, the letters are all there some of the terminology is so hurtful that they could write a 7 year old boy off. I have just had to slam the box lid closed but i have to deal with it sometime.

He is still affected by it.. his boss says he is exceptional but he has failed twice to get an apprenticeship, he has a massive gap between his practical ability and his academic ability... its all still raw all these years later.

I have avoided the garage because i knew there was stuff like this in there but i did not expect to have such an extreme response.

Sorry to ramble.. any help gratefully recieved.

Do you think he feels you didn't try hard enough for him?

IF you weren't around and he had the job of sorting through your possessions, would he be surprised to find out you had struggled for years to get him help? Or does he know you did loads, but not quite how much?

If anything, that box shouldn't be reminding you of pain, but of how you stood up for your boy. Which is something for which you should (and he) will be proud of, no matter the difficulties he is facing now.

If it's too much right now, then by all means deal with other ones instead.

But if you get that one out of the way, then it won't be lurking out there in the back of your mind, always overshadowing what you do in decluttering - 'Oh, but you haven't dealt with THIS box yet. You will have dealt with it and put it in some form of order. (which doesn't mean you have to read every word, a cursory glance 'that's a letter from the hospital, put it in with hospital letters' will do)

sjprmc01 · 27 January 2013 at 11:32PM

Isn't t'interweb an amazing thing.......I'm writing this on my bus home from work. When I get in I know every dish will be washed by OH and kitchen will be clean ( however it will still have my newly created mini ironing pile of doom there and cluttered work surfaces will still be the same. He knows better than to venture so far as touching any of that!

eBay is no good for me! Ive already mentioned the level of perfection I had to package my sales in, also because the money I'd made would be sitting in pay pal I'd use it to buy more 'stuff' off eBay as I didn't see it as 'real money'

Goldiegirl · 27 January 2013 at 11:45PM

Hi Picklepot.

Re the box in the garage. I think it's quite normal to have things that it's difficult to address.

Although my situation was different to yours, I can see a similarity. My parents died, and I felt I wanted to hang on to all the good memories..... So I brought back loads of their stuff and put it in my loft.

At the time I felt I couldn't address the issue of my brimming loft ( I also had loads on my own stuff up there) so I shut the hatch and left it.

But time passed, and I began to realise I didn't need evidence of the good memories, so I gradually left things go. It wasn't overnight, and indeed, there are still some boxes up there which I will be revisiting this year, as I'm ready to let a few more things go.

You know you did everything you could for your son, so in time you might feel that you don't need proof of it. It might not be just yet, but in a few years time when your son has found his niche in life and is settled in the job that is right for him, you might think that, after all, everything has turned out right.

That might be the time when that paperwork will be easier to let go.

In the meantime, there are always other de-cluttering projects to do, so forget about the Box, and move on to the next thing.

One day, I'm sure you'll find that box no longer has a hold over you, and you will shred the contents, and feel relieved that its done.

Florenceem · 27 January 2013 at 11:53PM

I do Eb.. - sometimes I think - is it worth it? Then there are the items that raise quite a bit and you think - I would not have that money in PayPal if I hadn't made to effort to list it etc. Sometimes I think - I will relist that item once more and then if no sale - off to the charity shop. Invariably - that is the time it sells.

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Hoarding - A New Start

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