Finances as a couple

This has been very interesting, especially seeing how the topic can stray and, as someone else said, how many responses are "My way or the highway". A lot of people think personal accounts once married are just plain wrong. Others consider it essential. But the question was: "I am interested in what types of things other couples who use this type of system [a joint account and a personal account each] for their households would put under the heading of personal spends."

The answer as far as I can see is that however you manage these accounts there will always be a question (and maybe disagreement) over what is fair. All our household's income goes into the joint a/c. But however poor we were we always transferred weekly "pocket money" to personal a/cs (as little as £3 each in the early days) so we could have a little treat (or save for a big treat) without worrying about whether the cost was justified. (I should say that the spender was the one worrying about that, not the other way round, neither would begrudge a treat!)

More recently a few lump sums have come along (completed endowments, an inheritance, pension lump sum) which are divided between joint savings, house spending and a bit each for personal spends.

We decide ourselves what account to spend from, and no-one ever checks up, so there is total trust. Our guidelines are that if it is "needed", or for the home, or for both of you, it is joint. If it is just wanted, or "extra", it is your own expenditure. On the books, I would say they would only be joint if you know you both want to read them, or they are for reference (eg a travel book for a holiday).

There will always be grey areas - a lot of our CDs are joint, but not all. Clothes may be needed, but in my case they are usually extra (or needed, but could have been bought more cheaply!) Hubby may think a new TV or hi-fi is needed, whilst I am happy with what we have. The answer surely is to ask as you go along? We still do sometimes, after 30 years doing this (often because I see something for the home and buy it, then check later if it is "me or us" for accounting purposes).

For those who say this is all joint money anyway, so why bother, it is just what we prefer. I often buy myself clothes, massages and lunches out with friends. Hubby may spend none of his money for years, but recently bought a classic car. We see these as extravagances, and would be uncomfortable doing it with joint money.

It seems to me that having all your money in one pot only works if saving and spending patterns match in the couple, otherwise one may worry about (or resent) the other's expenditure. Once you are more well off, all these problems tend to disappear!