Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

vpeake · 10 October 2012 at 2:50PM

priestone wrote: »

What does she get for £20? Does that include all her food, landline calls, TV ( multi room?), laundry etc?

If she weren't at home, would you get a council tax rebate?

Maybe a frank discussion on the cost of things is due.

Perhaps you could suggest that she is welcome to live at home free of charge, but that you would like her to pay for any extra costs that she incurs - food, electricity for washing machine, landline calls, additional council tax charges etc. Alternatively she can eat out all the time and go to a launderette and miss out on all the other incremental things that she enjoys by living at home.

She's lucky to have you and should show some appreciation.

She wouldn't have to pay council tax as she is a student and therefore AUTOMATICALLY exempt. That means that her mum would still be fully entitled to the 25% discount.

Brian_Steele · 10 October 2012 at 2:57PM

And your money is yours to spend as you like too.

A grant is there to pay your way through university. It isn't much and its tough out there, but it's there to pay for food, lodging, subsistence and then if there's any left, money in your pocket.

If she were away at university she would have to pay accomodation. As it is, she is at home with an accomodation bill a fraction of what it would be elsewhere, so it is right that she should contribute. As a single parent, you don't have a great deal of money to share, but what you have has been spent considerably in her direction for the last 18 years. Now she is an adult, it's time for her to start contributing and acknowledging how little it is costing her. Point out how much you would be charging any other lodger.

morverngirl · 10 October 2012 at 3:01PM

I may be a bit out of date but is the loan/grant awarded affected by whether you live at home or not and in this case may be reduced because it expects parental contribution in this case , free board.

Dilligaf2010 · 10 October 2012 at 3:09PM

Without a shadow of a doubt, I'm guessing you feed her, allow her to use all the facilities & utilities etc.
When I first started working, I was living at home, my Parents asked for a contribution, which was a very small percentage of what I was earning, I agreed without question, even offered more.
I still continued to help with the chores, and even bought additional groceries etc.
Unfortunately children have become so used to getting everything handed to them on a plate, and feel as thought they've been struck by an express train when they're out in the real world on their own.

slimmer1 · 10 October 2012 at 3:31PM

You've left it rather too late!! Why at this late stage is your child apparently unaware of the running of a household? We sat down with our kids much much earlier and talked about money and planned/ unplanned expenditure so they were already very used to 'we can't afford that' and had to accept it. She appears to have a rather selfish outlook - where from?

florere · 10 October 2012 at 3:38PM

She's at university, it's time she grew up, she is lucky you are only asking for £20 per week. point out to her, that if she lived away from home, living costs would be more like £150 per week, room rent gas electricity food etc.

adra04778 · 10 October 2012 at 3:40PM

I would be very disappointed if my child was so selfish, maybe you have done too much for her all her life, if she sees her future relationships in the same way, she could be married and divorced several times before she realizes that life isn't all take take take,
I suggest you stand your ground and hope that she learns that life isn't always what you want it too be

Good luck, and do a write up with the result

daisybel · 10 October 2012 at 4:03PM

Firstly you are lucky to have a daughter and one that is still living at home. Enjoy it she will be gone soon enough.I also have a daughter this age in a similar situation, maybe some of the other respondents don't, judging by their replies.

Secondly as a cash strapped single parent you are probably not thinking clearly, neither is she. Explain to her the money situation , she probably does not fully understand, she is still an adolescent. This is also probably the first time she has had much money of her own so she is defensive. ..think of all the clothes available on the High Street...........

This sounds like a case of mutual misunderstanding so don't consider kicking her out, you'll not make her more responsible, you'll lose her trust and respect for ever and therefore destroy your relationship. My daughter's friend's mother did this and the daughter is now depressed and isolated, although living back at home things will never be the same.

It is a difficult situation but think carefully before acting, as misunderstanding is usually the cause of all disagreements.Teenager actions do take a lot of understanding i agree but it is possible to get through to them, she will respond positively to considerate, understanding and fair treatment with plenty of patient explanation.

thisismyview · 10 October 2012 at 4:04PM

shop-to-drop wrote: »

This is not true, the grant is reduced as they are not expecting the student to be paying private rent. They are however expecting them to be paying their share of bills and for food, laundry etc. That is why child benefit and tax credits are removed from the parent.

Allowing them to keep this money is not doing them any favours as at some point in their future they will need to start paying their way and will be used to having a huge amount of spare cash and will be unable to cope with budgeting and probably end up in serious debt.

Reply to shop-to-drop
Hi shop-to-drop - some examples from my life : my son spent 3 years at university and stayed at home throughout. Each year of university the grant went down, so I rang up the find out why. The answer was that because my wages had gone up (2%) the grant would go down because I had more money. The grant however did not go down by 2% no, it went down by 15%. My son did not work but concentrated fully on the study and came out with a first. Three years later I still have not taken a penny from him. My son has 50k in the bank, a nice deposit on a property went he is ready. My other son never went to university but strayed at home and saved 30k. This son has now left home and used the money as deposit on his house. In three years my daughter can come back if she wants to, to do the same.

I am not worried by budgeting, no one taught me for example. Don't spend more than you have and only borrow for a house. My son who has left more follows this principal and so far so good.

Regards

Ebenezer_Screwj · 10 October 2012 at 4:11PM

What a selfish individual this girl is, she should either pay up or find somewhere elae to live at that price - if she can !

Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

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