Advice please... Very pushy woman at the Church my wife goes to. (Very long post.)
Comments
-
I'm afraid to say your wife has taken the wrong approach.
If you get a cold call and say "Sorry, can't talk now" or "Now is not convenient" then they will keep phoning you. If you simply say "I'm not interested please don't contact me" you're much likely to be left alone.
I remember when elections were going on and the local canvassers were coming round. I foolishly told them I hadn't decided which way to vote and found they kept 'popping by' and pestering me.
As soon as I told them I wasn't going to vote for them they left me alone.
Your wife should simply say she know longer wishes to attend and her reasons are private and will remain so which she hopes they will respect as she wishes no further discussion of it.
May seem blunt but sometimes that's the only way.0 -
I think your wife has just tried to be too nice about this. There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about learning to say no, and I think this is a case in point.
It's not a crime not to want to attend a church group. Your wife can do as she pleases, and it doesn't matter if this other woman gets upset.0 -
It's not about 'explaining yourself' - the woman has asked if your wife is ok and if she'd like a coffee.... ie. she's been friendly. For the life of me I cannot fathom your response towards her.
You seem to have taken a well-meaning gesture and fretted it into some awful act towards yourself.
No, you are mistaken. I have not taken this as an awful act towards me! How you have got that from what I have written baffles me!
I am simply saying that my wife has explained very politely - and clearly - in a letter - that she has a lot going on in her life and is withdrawing from a Church Group, and she will not be attending any more Groups or meetings. And the leader she wrote it to, seems to think she can talk her around into still coming.
My wife couldn't have been more clear. The woman is pushy and has proven this before, as I have explained in the OP. She is now saying 'come for a coffee and a chat' which is putting my wife in an awkward position again. Chat about what? About why she is leaving? She has already said. If my wife wanted or needed to talk about anything to her, she would.I'm afraid to say your wife has taken the wrong approach.
If you get a cold call and say "Sorry, can't talk now" or "Now is not convenient" then they will keep phoning you. If you simply say "I'm not interested please don't contact me" you're much likely to be left alone.
I remember when elections were going on and the local canvassers were coming round. I foolishly told them I hadn't decided which way to vote and found they kept 'popping by' and pestering me.
As soon as I told them I wasn't going to vote for them they left me alone.
Your wife should simply say she know longer wishes to attend and her reasons are private and will remain so which she hopes they will respect as she wishes no further discussion of it.
May seem blunt but sometimes that's the only way.
Seems like a plan, but there is no easy way to say it without offending the woman!
And as I said, no matter what my wife had said, this pushy woman would have not taken no for an answer, and would have come up with reasons why she shouldn't leave the Group.I think your wife has just tried to be too nice about this. There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about learning to say no, and I think this is a case in point.
It's not a crime not to want to attend a church group. Your wife can do as she pleases, and it doesn't matter if this other woman gets upset.
Thank you
You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
Why can your wife not say "I am just not enjoying going to the group"
It is a church not a cult be honest others may feel that way and they could change stuff0 -
Why can your wife not say "I am just not enjoying going to the group"
It is a church not a cult be honest others may feel that way and they could change stuff
Yes that was an alternative of course, but as I said, if she HAD said this, the woman would have tried to remedy or fix it and said 'what can we do to fix this situation and so on.............'
Saying she can't attend anything was the only option for my wife, as she KNEW the woman would try and get her to stay in the Group - or attend something else.
I mean, she made it clear in her letter that she wasn't able to come to the Group - or anything else, and the woman still said 'come when you can' and 'ring me and we will meet and chat.' Meet? and chat?' What for? What about? My wife explained herself fully in her letter and said she would see her in Church soon. Makes me wonder if she even read the letter at all!You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
She really, really could.
No, she WAS very clear. That she wasn't coming back to the Group. Yet the woman doesn't see to be hearing it.
What I am trying to get across is that no matter WHAT my wife had said, the woman would still have not taken no for an answer.
She would still have tried to remedy it, to get her to stay.
I wish I could get that through to people.You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
You could try sending another letter... only this time cut the letters out of various newspapers and magazines and stick them in to make the words.
That should do the trick.0 -
I don't know why she had to write the letter at all, she could have just stopped going and if asked about it say "Sorry, I'm just too busy at the moment"
By sending the letter to the group leader it's probably sounds a bit like a cry for help to be honest, like she's incredibly stressed. I think any reasonably caring person would have acted the same way as the leader and offered to meet up for a chat.0 -
What I am trying to get across is that no matter WHAT my wife had said, the woman would still have not taken no for an answer.
She would still have tried to remedy it, to get her to stay.
Nobody seems to be responding to that though.
So what do you want people to say? You've decided this woman is awful (for daring to ask if your wife was ok and seeing if she wanted a coffee), you're refusing to acknowledge the posts that say just be honest with people, and apparently you know exactly what the poor woman will do and say in all possible hypothetical situations.
It seems very unfair to respond to someone based on what you think they may do, and then not be honest with them in the process.
This reminds me of the film minority report - she's been judged guilty of some sort of future crime that she hasn't actually done.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 608K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards