Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

Honeylife · 15 September 2017 at 9:51PM

The bottom line of all these responses to the OP is that you SHOULD charge her but HOW much is variable.
It's not just about whether you need the contribution to the house but that it will also give her some financial reality to be paid regularly as this is generally the norm for the vast majority of us and hopefully will reinforce her budgeting skills.

I paid my step-mother about 20% of my earnings when I lived at home and she gave me back all two years later saying "don't tell your dad!" I just cried as it was so utterly unexpected and darn useful.

All my kids have paid a contribution when they were working and living at home and I have saved about 50% and given them that back on departure. But that is entirely up to you. The idea is that life is not about a free ride she should make a contribution if she is earning.

Merlin's_Beard · 16 September 2017 at 11:23PM

Every situation is different.

If she were jobless and struggling, then my answer would be that you were mean to begrudge your child a roof over her head.

If you were comfortable, then perhaps it might be easier to let the idea slide for the sake of family relationships and perhaps to allow her to save that money for future use.

But If you are economising and she is not, because you are funding her costs while she funds her lifestyle, then this is an unfair situation. A frank discussion about what it costs you to have her live there, what you are giving up to allow for that financially, is needed. With figures! Get the gas/electric/water usage for this year and last out, and show her the difference is what she uses and what that costs. Get the grocery bills out. Tell her what you need to do with that money, but can't.

cheesetoast · 17 September 2017 at 8:38AM

"she found the cost of independent living too expensive."
"She has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. "

Uh... Those two statements are very contradictory.

I don't think charging her a set figure is the right way. Agree a spending money figure for her (say, £100 a week) and take 100% of the rest of her income, pay rises included.

Honeylife · 17 September 2017 at 9:00AM

happyandcontented wrote: »

So what do you think is an acceptable amount to charge adult offspring?

20 to 25% of their income after tax/NI deductions. You can then either save some of this for them if you want. Talking my friend's age group (50 - 60 years old), this is what we all seemed to have contributed to our parents including those who had spells on the dole.

JReacher1 · 17 September 2017 at 9:09AM

Charge her nothing. She is your child you shouldn't be making a profit from your own children

JReacher1 · 17 September 2017 at 9:11AM

cheesetoast wrote: »

"she found the cost of independent living too expensive."
"She has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. "

Uh... Those two statements are very contradictory.

I don't think charging her a set figure is the right way. Agree a spending money figure for her (say, £100 a week) and take 100% of the rest of her income, pay rises included.

You're being ridiculous. You can charge rent but you can't take almost a persons entire wage and then just give them a weekly allowance. We are not in the 19th century....

Pollycat · 17 September 2017 at 9:16AM

Merlin's_Beard wrote: »

Every situation is different.

If she were jobless and struggling, then my answer would be that you were mean to begrudge your child a roof over her head.

If you were comfortable, then perhaps it might be easier to let the idea slide for the sake of family relationships and perhaps to allow her to save that money for future use.

But If you are economising and she is not, because you are funding her costs while she funds her lifestyle, then this is an unfair situation. A frank discussion about what it costs you to have her live there, what you are giving up to allow for that financially, is needed. With figures! Get the gas/electric/water usage for this year and last out, and show her the difference is what she uses and what that costs. Get the grocery bills out. Tell her what you need to do with that money, but can't.

I agree every situation is different.

But in this situation, it is as it in bold.
The parents are clearly not comfortable financially.

cheesetoast wrote: »

"she found the cost of independent living too expensive."
"She has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. "

Uh... Those two statements are very contradictory.

I don't think charging her a set figure is the right way. Agree a spending money figure for her (say, £100 a week) and take 100% of the rest of her income, pay rises included.

WOW!
A suggestion right out the Dark Ages. :eek:

My parents did this to me when I first started work 47 years ago.
I didn't like it.
Don't get me wrong, I was expecting to contribute towards the household (AFAIK that was how it worked 'in those days') but I was not happy about just having spending money when I had a full time job..
It encouraged me to move out as soon as I could afford to.

Spendless · 17 September 2017 at 10:00AM

Pollycat wrote: »

WOW!
A suggestion right out the Dark Ages. :eek:

My parents did this to me when I first started work 47 years ago.
I didn't like it.
Don't get me wrong, I was expecting to contribute towards the household (AFAIK that was how it worked 'in those days') but I was not happy about just having spending money when I had a full time job..
It encouraged me to move out as soon as I could afford to.

I was thinking that. But maybe that was the idea being floated?? When my parents did something I found unfair, raised my 'keep' by the exact amount I received as a pay-rise, I ensured I never told them about my actual income ever again.

badmemory · 17 September 2017 at 11:14AM

I don't think any of us can answer this without knowing how old this child is. Is she 18, 25 or 30? Is she trying to save to buy a home or just thinks she can live free at someone else's expense whilst she chucks money away & the people she is living with have to struggle. Any reasonable child should soon realise that this is not reasonable behaviour.

coffee18 · 17 September 2017 at 11:39AM

JReacher1 wrote: »

Charge her nothing. She is your child you shouldn't be making a profit from your own children

They have said they are not comfortably off so to expect them to incur the extra costs of their daughter living with them is ridiculous, and if a child of mine expected this I would have failed miserably in trying to bring up a decent human being.

Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

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