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It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

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  • Hi all just want to pop in and say hello. My DH was made redundant in May but luckily found another job within 3 weeks. Our money is a complete mess though just because of those 3 weeks and the end of this month will be our first 'proper' wage since 15th may.

    We have been food shopping for only what we need and have managed to stay afloat and are doing ok, we do want to get some savings behind us though now if we can just incase this happens again.

    It was a shock redundancy and staff were only goven 1 hours warning to leave the buildings as the company had gone into administration.

    I would love to find a job myself but am my mams carer and there are not many things I can do around that and our 9 year old boy and almost 2 year old girl.

    I hope to keep up with this thread as it is a huge help on stretching the pennies.
    BABY SOPHIE BORN 14/08/08
    Matthew born 09/07/2001 (7 weeks prem)
    Cross Stitch Cafe member No:37
  • penelopedee_2
    penelopedee_2 Posts: 2,698 Forumite
    When I started work 20 odd years ago, all my bosses were quite happily 'advising' me how much they over paid their pensions, how big their houses were etc etc. I spent many years worrying I would never be able to plough loads into a pension and have a massive 2.4 kids type house to pass onto my children.

    It kept me awake at night that I was failing as I couldn't do all of these things, yet I still worked full time and didn't blow my money each week.

    Now that I accept my life isn't going to be the same way I am enjoying it much more. I can pick up DS after school and take him home and make him tea. We can sit and discuss school and homework together, in our own time. We might not have loads but we do have a good laugh and he is learning what the real cost of things are.
    This time I haven't smoked since 6th Jan 2014 and still going ok.
    Fingers crossed x
  • jollymummy
    jollymummy Posts: 944 Forumite
    Hello
    Another lurker here too, hope you don't mind me joining in. We've just been told that hubby will have a two year pay freeze and my part time job selling houses looks like it's going to end soon as we simply can't sell at the moment :( So our tight finances will become even tighter.
    ESMF73 - fab ideas for the holidays there, think I'll steal a few for me and DS !! We're in Yorkshire, whereabouts are you moving to?
    look forward to joining in this fab thread.
    JM
    :hello:
    NSD 3/366
    4/366. 2016 Decluttering challenge
  • apple_mint
    apple_mint Posts: 1,102
    Combo Breaker First Post
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    Another lurker here :-)

    I haven't been missing, I kept popping in to read. MSE had been our matra now in this house for quite a long time and it has changed our lives. It is tough now but we are keeping our heads above the water simply because we have learnt so much on these boards. This is a lifeline. It reminds us of what we need to do to keep on track and that we are not alone in making our lives more self sufficient. MSE is a community and as such we help each other. Posting ideas helps others think 'I could do that' or 'that could work for me'.
    Enjoying an MSE OS life :D
  • Larumbelle
    Larumbelle Posts: 2,140 Forumite
    edited 16 July 2010 at 10:00PM
    gailey wrote: »
    I sometimes feel very lonley like no one I know understands as everyone at school gates and in my family say everythings fine.

    He moans our house is boring and he we poor as not got everything hes got at home and turns his nose up at homecooked meals as has mainly readymeals, takeaways and snacks at home.

    maybe lots of people keeping up pretence but if interest rates rise more will feel the squeeze.

    according to grazia this week in quarter life cris turn 30tommorow and bit down.
    Its to do with high expectations as teen that will aquire everything that parents did.
    so work hard go to uni, accrue debt, dont get well paid job, accrue more debt, married started family but cant afford a car for me or to buy a house.until we clear current debts and save 25deposit seems impossible round her thats 50grand saved.

    Aw pet, you seem very down :grouphug: It does feel lonely, if you are the only voice of reason. But it's human nature to try and pretend that everything's fine. Doesn't mean it is. Most of my friends are drowning in debt, and they all confide in me but wouldn't dream of admitting it to each other. The chances are that many of the mums at the school date are buying their lifestyle on credit. At some point their lives might crash down around them. If not, they might well have sleepless nights worrying that it will. Big question: do you care what the folks at the school gate think? Do you care how they live their life? Probably you do, but why? Only because you are comparing yourself unfavourably.

    And that's because you still have that teen expectations mentality that you mention. Heck I had it for years, and still get pangs every now and then. But the fact is, it's bullpoo. Kids these days leave home expecting everything their parents have, without considering the 20 or 30 years it took their parents to earn it. It's a false expectation and it's one you need to come to terms with before you'll ever be happy. And actually, you know, it wasn't so different for our parents' generation. My dad went to uni in the days where it was done on grants and you left with no debt. He was in a pretty good job from the off, and my mum worked part time as well. House prices, as we all know, were so low you could buy a mansion for six bob and a rollie. And yet my parents were in their late 30s before they could afford to by a house - and in their late 40s before they could afford to trade up tot he house they wanted (BTW some of my friends would consider the one they wanted to be 'a starter home'!!!!!). They were in their early 40s before they got a car - and even that was a company car. And yet... a whole generation feels depressed that it hasn't been there and done it all by the age of 30! :rotfl: And that is not a dig - I am 29 myself!

    If anything, you should feel sorry for SS. Imagine how miserable he's going to be when he hits the real world! I would point out that you're not poor, you just value other things. If that's 'boring' that's his problem. How old is he? If he's old enough to understand, I'd get OH to have a chat with him, then if he still had a problem I'd leave him to sulk! But then, I don't have any kids, so don't take my advice!!!!!

    Do you mean it's your birthday tomorrow?! If so

    :bdaycake:

    Happy birthday from all your new MSE buddies!!!
  • smileyt_2
    smileyt_2 Posts: 1,240 Forumite
    katholicos wrote: »
    This post hasn't really got anything OS about it, ut i just want to echo other peoples comments about the camaraderie here. A couple of nights ago i had a car crash, the car spun out of cpontrol and i ended up ON a very busy roundabout. My car ended up wedged on the roundabout and sticking out at an angle preventing traffic moving...i was ibn total shockbut eventually managed to reverse the car off the roundabout, but do you know what? Not one person (and there were many stationary vehicles) came out of their cars to see if i was okay, nobody even wound their windows down and said 'heyup love, are you okay?'. Nothing. I

    Katholicos, that's awful. I don't know which is worse, the accident or other people's lack of caring response! I'm glad you're OK now. Perhaps the other people could see you weren't injured, or didn't know how to react. I always try to check on people - I live in the inner city and often see drunks spark out in the local parks and I always have to go and check that they're breathing. They're not the pleasantest of people (or the cleanest or sweetest-smelling) and I have to remind themselves that they are human. One day it might be me or mine lying there, people walking past sneering and assuming you're drunk. Actually I think I'm just a nosey so-and-so!

    Silvercharming and Primrose thank you for the advice and kind words. I know I just have to keep on keeping on. I do think there's quite an insidious outlook in our society though, that if you're not useful (ie if you're disabled, or elderly and infirm) and not economically contributing, then you are useless. It's hard not to get sucked in to that and begin to see yourself the same way. It makes the tough stuff even tougher. What happened to people being valuable because they are human beings? I'm a (radical, disrespectful, erratically-practising, lazy,) Catholic and I think there are loads of things wrong with the Church, but it at least has taught me that human beings (as opposed to human doings) are of value just because they exist!

    Anyway, I will get off my soap-box before I open a can of worms about religion! Sorry about the long post.
    Aspire not to have more but to be more.
    Oscar Romero

    Still trying to be frugal...
  • Spirit_2
    Spirit_2 Posts: 5,546
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    "Subscribes"
  • smileyt_2
    smileyt_2 Posts: 1,240 Forumite
    Hey gailey:

    :bdaycake:

    Happy birthday for tomorrow.

    Actually, getting older isn't as bad as people think. You become more 'you', which in your case sounds like a good thing. I hope you enjoy a lovely birthday snuggle with your daughters and hubby.
    Aspire not to have more but to be more.
    Oscar Romero

    Still trying to be frugal...
  • AnnieG
    AnnieG Posts: 877
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    Now that I accept my life isn't going to be the same way I am enjoying it much more. I can pick up DS after school and take him home and make him tea. We can sit and discuss school and homework together, in our own time. We might not have loads but we do have a good laugh and he is learning what the real cost of things are.

    I'm sooo looking forward to being able to do this next term if I haven't found a job by then. Since DS started school when he was 4, all he's wanted is for me to take him to school and pick him up every day. I went back to work full time when he was 6 months old... he'll be 10 on Sunday... and have never been able to do this. I kept the childminder on till the end of term on the hope that I'd find a job, but haven't yet. I really can'twait to be able to spend more time with my gorgeous boy, it just about makes up for being skint!
    Say what you mean.. mean what you say... without being mean.
  • penelopedee_2
    penelopedee_2 Posts: 2,698 Forumite
    Annie, I hope you can find a part time job that lets you pick him up from school soon. Its the best x
    This time I haven't smoked since 6th Jan 2014 and still going ok.
    Fingers crossed x
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