neighbour in hospital refusing visits

zaksmum · 8 March 2017 at 12:42AM

An elderly neighbour, who has no family, has been in hospital since early January. A few of us got together and spoke to her next door neighbour to say we'd like to visit when convenient for her.
The response was, "she can't take it, she doesn't want anyone hassling her".
We try to see her, shop for her etc when she's at home, despite her being far from friendly. But we hate the idea that she has no visitors week in, week out.
This neighbour is the only one allowed to get close to her and she speaks in a sort of code to him
Are we just wasting our time?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted · 8 March 2017 at 12:48AM

I wouldn't want loads of people turning up if I were trapped in my pyjamas in a hospital bed, either.

LABMAN · 8 March 2017 at 12:50AM

My Mum was the same when she went into a home. Only me and my wife were 'allowed' to visit her. Even her best friend of 40 years + was told not to. Respect her wishes.

Anoneemoose · 8 March 2017 at 12:55AM

Would it be at all possible to deliver a letter or card from you all, to say how you are thinking of them, and if they change their mind about vistors, you would look foward to seeing them?

Hermia · 8 March 2017 at 3:25AM

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I wouldn't want loads of people turning up if I were trapped in my pyjamas in a hospital bed, either.

Same here! I hate seeing people when I am ill. If she has been in hospital since Jan she may have made friends with some other long-term patients.

I think Anoneemoose's suggestion of a letter is a good one as she will know you are thinking of her. I would make it clear that you understand if she doesn't want visitors and tell her to let you know if that changes.

Valli · 8 March 2017 at 5:08AM

So you've only got the word of the neighbour?

Why not ring the hospital and check with them?

AylesburyDuck · 8 March 2017 at 9:10AM

Maybe shes an extremely private person, theres only one of my neighbours i tolerate, i say tolerate, he's lovely and comes to us every Christmas Day, the rest i can nod and hold a 5 min chat, BUT visit in Hospital from them, HELL NO.
It's exhausting talking to people you wish wernt there, she's in hospital for a reason, respect her wishes and dont exhaust her with pointless visits you seem to want more than she does.

elsien · 8 March 2017 at 9:19AM

I agree to possibly checking with the hospital.

However if the person doesn't want to talk to you when they're at home, they're probably thinking how excruciatingly awkward it would be to try to make conversation with virtual strangers when the topics of conversation (how are you and what's the food like) will run out after about 10 seconds.

Your wish to help is neighbourly but even with your hearest and dearest it's possible to run out of conversation during long hospital stays - being forced to make small talk to someone you don't know well enough to tell them to sod off is not an appealing prospect and I can see why they may well say no.

Pop_Up_Pirate · 8 March 2017 at 9:52AM

zaksmum wrote: »

An elderly neighbour, who has no family, has been in hospital since early January. A few of us got together and spoke to her next door neighbour to say we'd like to visit when convenient for her.
The response was, "she can't take it, she doesn't want anyone hassling her".
We try to see her, shop for her etc when she's at home, despite her being far from friendly. But we hate the idea that she has no visitors week in, week out.
This neighbour is the only one allowed to get close to her and she speaks in a sort of code to him
Are we just wasting our time?

If I'm in hospital, I HATE visitors coming, like friends, neighbours etc
People are often in hospital when they don't feel well. Last thing unwell people want is a traipse of visitors who they then have to make small talk with.

It's one thing having husband/wife come in but quite another when it just neighbours across the street.

troubleinparadise · 8 March 2017 at 10:06AM

Nurses are very busy people; if your neighbour has already told someone that she doesn't want visitors, then accept it... do you really have to phone up to check again?

You've said she isn't very friendly, so it is kind of you to try to help despite that. Wards are busy places, so she will actually be surrounded by people and activity a lot of the time. She may well be feeling overloaded with stimulation, and doesn't want to have stilted conversations with her neighbours whilst dressed in her nightie.

Save your energies to try to help when she comes home.

*Robin* · 8 March 2017 at 12:46PM

Why not send in cheerful, pretty cards so your neighbour knows you care about her and are thinking of her?

neighbour in hospital refusing visits

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