Secret debt and coming clean....

Sufferinginsilence · 28 February 2018 at 12:02PM

I am petrified. This evening I will be telling my husband about the debt I have juggled over the last 10 years in secret. We are maxed and I have no option but to come clean and admit it all. I am so scared.
The debt totals 70k spread over 4 loans and 6 credit cards. It has snowballed over the years, 2 kids and relentless unexpected expenses being put on credit card. I've always been abke to cope with juggling on 0 percent offers and consolidating. Thinking one day I'll be able to pay them all off. I cant. I can't swap anynore. We are maxed on all but 2 cards and now paying full whack on interest.
This totals 1750 a month.
We own our flat with a mtg of 145k and value approx 240k. We pay interest only and have 2 small advances. All total 350 a month.
Once we've paid this and our debts and our min household bills we are left with 56 a month. Everything else now goes on credit. It can't continue and I have to tell him tonight. I'm so scared.
I have figured out we have 2 ootions.
First is an IVA. This is not what I want but would at least mean we coukd keep our fkat.
Sexond. And i think more beneficial would be to sell our flat. Use the equity to pay off debt. We coukd ren't a 3 bed semi for 1200 a month. Saving us 900 a month from not having to pay debts/mtg. We would hopefully have some cash left over from the sale. And we would then save until we coukd get back on the ladder.
Our current flat is very small and space is limited with 2 fast growing kids. We would never be able to move if we went down the IVA route.
What our people's opinions? Has anyone else been in this sitiation?
I feel so ashamed and have not been sleeping or eating for a while now. Constantly down and deoressed. He knows something's wrong. Bit I haven't been abke to pluck up the courage to tell him. Now I know i have no choice. I am just so scared hell leave me. And I wouldn't blame him.
I want to have options to present to him once it's all sinked in. Try and redeem myself for what i have done.
Please be nice with your replies
....ive beaten myself up over this more than you'd ever know.

[Deleted User] · 28 February 2018 at 12:06PM

Hi hun,

Well done for posting, that takes a lot of courage xx

You need to post this on the main board.

They're a friendly helpful lot on here, so you're not alone.

Good luck xx

[Deleted User] · 28 February 2018 at 12:08PM

Hi,

I've asked one of the board guides to move it over for you x

Little_Miss_Winner · 28 February 2018 at 12:14PM

Hi Hun.

Well he needs to wake up and smell the coffee ? How on earth does he think you have been managing. This isn't your problem alone. He's your husband, so surely he knows all the unexpected purchases and 2 children etc are going to cost. Where/who does he thinks has been paying for these things?
xx

enthusiasticsaver · 28 February 2018 at 1:15PM

Thread moved to main DFW board

enthusiasticsaver · 28 February 2018 at 1:31PM

I am unsure why you are taking this on all yourself. Unless you have been spending money on yourself this is joint debt. A good start is to post an soa. You could also speak to stepchange, a free debt charity who might suggest a DMP. The link to an soa can be found on the sticky on page 1

[Deleted User] · 28 February 2018 at 1:37PM

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Thread moved to main DFW board

Thanks ES x

Sufferinginsilence · 28 February 2018 at 3:09PM

Thank you for posting my thread in the correct place. I was unaware of how it worked.
Thank you for your replies.
He is blissfully ignorant of anything related to finances. He always has been. He works hard, very hard. And all that is left down to me. I organise and do everything. He never questions, never asks. If he did or had we wouldn't be in this mess as it would've been discovered a lot sooner. But this is not his fault. It's mine. And when i tell him his perfect little world is going to come crashing down. At keast I have had time to come to terms with it and consider our options.

zippygeorgeandben · 28 February 2018 at 10:09PM

Little_Miss_Winner wrote: »

Hi Hun.

Well he needs to wake up and smell the coffee ? How on earth does he think you have been managing. This isn't your problem alone. He's your husband, so surely he knows all the unexpected purchases and 2 children etc are going to cost. Where/who does he thinks has been paying for these things?
xx

I realise that you are trying to make the OP feel better however it's a bit harsh to be judging the husband based on, well, nothing.

Jacobs · 28 February 2018 at 10:19PM

That!!!8217;s not harsh at all.

lonelyrat · 28 February 2018 at 11:07PM

Hi Sufferinginsilence. I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in and am sure you must be very nervous. It won't be an easy conversation but I'm sure once it's done you will feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. At the moment it must be very isolating so having your partner available to talk through things would likely make you feel better.

He may not react well at first but that could be down to shock. Even if he is slightly oblivious to the money issues i'm sure once you discuss it he will see where the debt has come from. Having a plan in place is a good idea (even if you have different options available). That way he will see you are serious about sorting things and see that you have been trying to fix this yourself. It shouldn't all fall on you though and going forward he should definitely help.

I can't advise on what the best option for you would be as I'm not on the property ladder at all. If you feel that your current place is too small then it could be a good idea to move but you would need to consider that debt may creep up again and that could affect future house/flat purchases. You would need to be really disciplined I feel.

Good luck with everything and fingers crossed things go well. Do come back and post how it went

Secret debt and coming clean....

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