OH's debt

emylou · 24 March 2017 at 10:39PM

Found out today that my OH has racked up 13 k on 2 credit cards

He told me in January that the debt was 10 k but it was between him, his Dad and his brother (they are all massive karting fans & have basically spent money buying kart stuff and doing them up, having track days etc). However the issue is that since my OH spent all the money on his credit cards, his brother has lost his job & his Dad is really ill in hospital so it has al fallen at my OH's feet

it turns out the additional 3k has been spent on getting his car suspension done which he never told me at the time (he knows I am not a fan of his car so would have been really unhappy with him spending money on it). His car broke down a few days ago and he says it needs a new engine, He says he knows it could cost 2-2.5k but he doesn't care, he will not get rid of his car no matter what!

We are expecting our 2nd baby in June and I was hoping to have a whole year maternity leave but now I am so worried how we will manage with OH having to pay the debts off too.

When we got together 9years ago he didn't have any credit cards! And he is always stating other people "live a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget" - what a joke lol!

Any advice welcome (including how not to murder or divorce him!) Thanks if you have read this far!

moneyfacts · 24 March 2017 at 10:48PM

A statement of affairs will help. Often compromise helps, if he must keep that car of his running, tell him he must then be committed to getting the debt sorted, especially as you have a baby on the way.

£13k is a lot of money but it's generally manageable. Don't worry. Breath and write a plan

LabRatty · 24 March 2017 at 11:28PM

Hi,
As always when there is conflict over a debt affecting more than one person, I would say that the relationship issues need to be dealt with first and then the rest will follow.

From what you say, he is acting like a boy racer rather than a responsible father of (nearly) two children, although that may not be how he sees it.

Suggest you ask him:
1. He is not blind to other people living beyond their means, so how does he see his own debt?
2. Does he see that his expenditure directly impacts on your life re length of maternity leave and affordability?
3. From your description his car is a money pit - does he accept that as he refuses to get rid of it? (this is important as you are both then in the picture about likely future expenditure, rather than in the dark).
4. How does him taking a unilateral decision on car-related stuff fit with you being in a partnership? If you refused to give up something expensive without reference to or negotiation with him, would he see that as acceptable?

I would suggest that the person you describe has maybe not yet comes to terms with putting his own desires on hold for the greater good of his family.

If you can sit down and have a non-blaming, non-judgemental conversation with him (difficult I know when you're furious), asking questions rather than stating your own position, I think you're likely to get somewhere. If pushed into a corner he may just dig a hole and sit in it, which is no help.

Once you are agreed on the way ahead, making a plan should be very straightforward.

All the best,
LR

Dobbibill · 25 March 2017 at 10:18AM

Legally the debt was always that of your OH if they are his CCs- morally maybe a different story.

Some good advice above.

Pull together a SOA and discuss it together - also do a second one that reflects your income when your pay reduces, to lay out on paper the impacts maternity leave will have.

Do you categorise pots for purposes out of your income? Eg - his/her spending money - this may help him to see how much he has to spend on his hobby.

enthusiasticsaver · 25 March 2017 at 2:21PM

He sounds like an idiot and very immature. However since you seem to be stuck with him I would suggest you let him worry about his credit cards and do a budget to cover essential household bills and leave him to worry how to cover the debt especially as it is for a hobby and not a joint household expenditure. You can have a conversation with him and see if he has a plan but personally if I were you I would ensure plans were in place to cover essential bills while you are on maternity leave and save a buffer to cover bills during the year. How are bills paid? Do you have a joint account or separate personal accounts?

enjoyyourshoes · 26 March 2017 at 2:32PM

sell the cart?

theoretica · 26 March 2017 at 6:38PM

Hopefully dad and brother will soon be back on their respective feet and able to take on their share of the debts again.

Does he need a car? Could his be SORNed and mothballed until the work can be afforded? The costs seem rather high - could he DIY more of it or barter with friends?

OH's debt

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