Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

mishkanorman · 3 April 2012 at 4:06PM

SailorSam wrote: »

I haven't got any kids myself but often mind my two little nieces and there are times that i'll smack them, not often and only on the hand. But afterwards we'd have a cuddle and say sorry to each other, them for being naughty and me for smacking.

whats the point in that ? If you are using smacking to curb behaviour or whatever, if you then back down and apologise for it you are sending such a mixed message to the child !

Mine have smack bums when they get really bad, not without clothes on and they've learnt to bend away from my hand so it doesnt make much contact, but it does give them a short sharp shock that mumma is meaning business !

And if my sister or any relative for that matter, took it upon themselves to be hitting my children they would swiftly find themselves out of their lives. To me its an absolute last resort, not a once in a while thing.

SailorSam · 3 April 2012 at 4:08PM

There are times i see the kids a lot more than their Mum & Dad. They're not the type of kids who only pay fleeting visits.

ETanny · 3 April 2012 at 4:11PM

SailorSam wrote: »

I haven't got any kids myself but often mind my two little nieces and there are times that i'll smack them, not often and only on the hand. But afterwards we'd have a cuddle and say sorry to each other, them for being naughty and me for smacking.

If my sister hit my kids she'd be getting smacked her self. (Out of the way of the kids

) The only people who should be able to determin a smack is the appropriate form of punishment is the parents them self.

I, personally dont feel it is a effective form of punishment. How can you hit a child then tell that same child that hitting is wrong? It sends mixed messages.

neneromanova · 3 April 2012 at 4:15PM

I smack my children, but only when they deserve it. I had it done to me and I turned out to be a respectable citizen, my sister on the other hand was never smacked and she turned out like a spoilt brat and is alwaysrude, naughty, disrespectful. (see other thread)

System · 3 April 2012 at 4:19PM

I never really had to smack my children. The authority in my voice and the stern look was more than sufficient. I could generally control them when i was out with them just by looking at them.

If the discipline is there from an early age, a child shouldnt need a smack.

vixarooni · 3 April 2012 at 4:21PM

I was smacked as a child, and i've never, ever hit another human being in my life to this date, aged 25.5 (in a violent way)
But thats because my mother made it very clear i was being smacked because i was misbehaving.

Some parents are so namby pamby that their telling off is more like a celebration of the child's wrong doing than a punishment! I work on planes, i see parents who can't parent every single day. Making punishment taboo is a very dangerous road to go down in my opinion.

[Deleted User] · 3 April 2012 at 4:29PM

Only smacked our boy once on his hand - i felt really bad about it afterwards and won't do it again! I don't want them to behave because they are scared, but because they understand how they should behave.

Naughty step does work wonders. We also have the 'counting down from 5 to 1'... he'll always stop doing whatever he's doing that's naughty by the time i get to 2.

He's usually very well behaved, especially in public (he's 2 3/4 y.o.)

easy · 3 April 2012 at 4:34PM

As the parent of a strong willed and very bright child, who is now 12, I can tell you that DH and I started out with every intention of "We could NEVER smack our child".

But over the last few years it has happened (only a handfull of times), in extreme circumstances, and I can honestly say that we are not ashamed of it. The first time it happened was when, around 5 or 6 years old, he ran off across a busy carpark. He knew he shouldn't do it (but obviously didn't understand the full danger of doing it), and did it out of pure defiance. He was smacked for it, and never did it again - I believe that was instrumental in his reaching 12 years old without ever being knocked down.

Obviously, it isn't something I am ADVISING any parent to do, we would all like it not to happen. But I also think that there are situations which may make it an appropriate measure, it depends on the child, and the circumstances.

Generally those people who say categorically "I could never" or "YOU should never ..." haven't actually brought up a child beyond toddlerdom.

mishkanorman · 3 April 2012 at 4:35PM

SailorSam wrote: »

There are times i see the kids a lot more than their Mum & Dad. They're not the type of kids who only pay fleeting visits.

which is worse IMHO, you are entrusted with their care not upbringing surely ?

If my children were to be in childcare all day every day im still the parent and wouldnt expect any minder to be doing the parenting on my behalf.

heretolearn_2 · 3 April 2012 at 4:43PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with a smack as the ultimate punishment. Sometimes you can't reason with them, sometimes they need a firmer discipline to get the message home, especially when they are doing something dangerous. A normal smack does no real harm but is a good deterrent in most cases, I believe.

I used to smack my son now and then and don't feel I did anything wrong. There's a massive gulf between that and being an abuser/bully.

I've only once smacked someone else's child and that's my stepson, who at 4 years old decided that hanging out of first floor windows was the best game ever. The kid had no sense of danger and was going through a really naughty phase for attention and used to laugh his head off if you told him off, he thought it was great. After attempting to talk to him and explain the dangers several times, putting him in a time out, trying to get his attention on something else, he still kept doing it every time my back was turned. I didn't feel I had much option (other than tie him to a chair somewhere?) as the windows don't lock, other than to warn him he'd get a smack if he did it again. He did it again and laughed at me coming into the room. Smack. Didn't do it again. He also didn't fall out of the window and break his neck, and I think a smack is a soft option compared to what could have happened if he hadn't got the message.

I find the anti-smack argument that it just teaches them that bigger people get to be violent to smaller people to get their own way ridiculous. Prove to me that those who commit assault/domestic violence/child abuse were all smacked, and that it caused them to act that way. Prove to me that no one who wasn't smacked has committed assault/domestic violence/child abuse. Don't make these claims without proof of cause and effect both ways, it's just silly. Being smacked teaches a child that parents really mean business sometimes, for your own good, that if you do something very wrong you get punished for it, that's all. It doesn't teach that child to go around bashing people willy-nilly for the rest of their life, lol, I'm sure a lot of you were smacked as children but when did you last attack someone?

Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

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