"Start wherever you are and start small"

So I have been away for a few days trying to get my head clear, especially after feeling so unwell. This past week has knocked me for six and I did not realize the true extent- I'm still quite unsure why I feel the way I do but I am trying not to focus on that at the moment and look towards the future.

In the past week I have lost 4lb :j ,so I must be doing something right. Last night I had a cheat night and we made homemade pizzas from Jamie Oliver;s cookbook- they were gorgeous and I would definitely recommend trying them, you can get the recipe online. I am back on track with my diet now though.

Tonight we are going to watch my son in his first show, he is so excited and cannot wait. So we have had a lazy day this morning so he is not wiped out by this afternoon. We have to be there from 4.30 and will probably not leave until 9pm until all is finished- so we will take a pack up tea for him to have so we don't spend a fortune on food there, as tempting as it is.

I have just spent the morning sorting out the 5KY bill for my mum, she is adamant she wants to keep it all- I have received 60% off, £50 credit, 12 months half price multi room and on a rolling contract rather than a 12 monthly- I'm quite impressed I managed to do this. I had to be persistent and it paid off. A few people would not maneuver on deals however after two/three times one fellow helped as much as he could! So a MSE saving there, even if it isn't for me. I shall also be doing her building and content insurance at a later date as her renewal came through and they want £700+ for the year :eek: .

I think I am going to join some of the DFW challenges this month to challenge/ keep myself on the straight and narrow. Christmas is looming upon us, however I don't expect to go OTT like I may have done previous years. I'm working Christmas day this year and plus my son will be going to his Dad's christmas eve/morning and will come back to me around 2pm. I am just looking forward to being with family and all of us being together- we have all different paths in life and live far away from one another.

All my direct debits should come out on Monday apart from my loan payment which is on the 6th October. I am working out what extra I can throw at this for the month due to my reduced income. I have only been paid 67% of my wage due to it being an advance payment and apparently it should all alter in next months pay- we can only see ey? It is definitely going to be a tight month for me.

I have decided not to do any overtime for the foreseeable future until I am healthy myself both physically and mentally. Hopefully if I look after the pennies, the pounds will see to themselves.

That is all from me I guess for now.

02/10/2016
So it's a Sunday afternoon and I have a child free day as he has gone to his grandparents.

I have been thinking a lot lately and believe my anxiety issues have a big part to play in how I am feeling just lately and how run down/poorly I have been.

I feel out of control with a lot of things, especially with so many changes within the last month. I am not being compassionate to myself and my mentality believes I should just adapt and crack on with things as if nothing has changed- when this isn't the reality and I need to stop being so hard on myself.

There are plenty of things I can control which eases my anxiety but some things are just out of my hands and I need to accept this. It is so hard sometimes when you feel like you're fighting constantly and feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel- although this isn't always the case, sometimes there is a small grey cloud looming over which makes me not appreciate the small things that matter.

I am going to spend the rest of my Sunday sorting through a few things and reorganizing myself and implementing a few things which hopefully will alleviate any anxiety- I am not talking of a quick fix, I mean small baby steps which will be beneficial in the long run.

I am going to update my budgets, plan ahead for the month, make some goals and join in with some challenges. I am also going to analyse where I can make some improvements in regards to my spends and daily life. I am so used to having a routine and being organised in my own ways- I don't know whether this is a good thing or bad thing as sometimes I can become too stuck in my own routine, any changes either scare me or make me panic.

So throughout the day, I shall most likely be making several posts which hopefully will keep me accountable and on track.

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Update on 01/10/2016
The show last night was fantastic and all kids thoroughly enjoyed it. Yesterday did not end up being a NSD for a couple of reasons. Although I prepared tea for my son to have before his show, I forgot to take something for myself- that and the stress of getting kids ready, I resorted to buying a coffee, chocolate bar and a meal for myself costing £10. Not my wisest move and obviously strayed away from my diet but you live and learn.

Following that. the children then had photographs taken with one another and by themselves, they were too good to resist so ended up purchasing a few which cost £18.00. My son adores them so I think at some point I will put them all into an album so we can look back on them with fond memories.

- 15 NSD's.
- Food budget of £40.
- Travel budget of £80.
- Lose 10lb.
- Exercise 2/3 times a week.
- Take packed lunches to work every day.
- Learn to cook two new recipes a week.
- Pay £1295.00 before 31/12/16. This would reduce my total debt down to £11,000.