Mind Games-What's The Point?

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  • Sunny_Saver
    Sunny_Saver Posts: 3,044
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    He sounds a !!!!. He doesn't want you, but likes the attention, so blows hot and cold or maybe he's uncertain?

    Either just say 'hello' if that's what you used to do before, if not just look straightahead when you walk past him. It's hard, but you have a management course to keep you occupied!
    “It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”

    F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863
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    justme111 wrote: »
    "Mind games" is the definition people give to behaviour of others who they are emotionally invested in which they find no explanation to and which upsets them. Most of it is about perception. Usually ones called to be playing mind games follow their own agenda which has nothing to do with people who perceive their behaviour as "mind games".

    Perhaps you'd like to tell that to domestic abuse survivors?

    I'm hoping you simply meant that sometimes actions/behaviour are misunderstood rather than mind games just being something people use to explain situations they can't otherwise explain.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
  • Jox
    Jox Posts: 1,651
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    Narcissist seems to be a buzzword these days, perhaps he is displaying that sort of behaviour for his own gratification.
  • Sometimes people are interested in different outcomes, for example one person would like to enter into a relationship and the other isn't interested in that but finds the person attractive and is keeping their options open. Of course this is just speculation as we don't ever really know what the other person is motivated by.

    In the end none of us can really know what another person is thinking and what is motivating their behaviour. You have no control over the other person, but do have control over your own behaviour- you sound like you have your priorities right. Be polite when you have to be, concentrate on your career and you will soon find someone worthy of your attention.
  • Angry_Bear
    Angry_Bear Posts: 2,021
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    Usually (not always, see above about some forms of domestic abuse), the other person isn't actually deliberately playing mind games. I don't know the details of your situation, but from what you say it sounds a lot like you're very aware of their actions and attributing meaning to them (saying hi vs not saying hi). It's very possible that you just don't feature in their mind that much - if they don't acknowledge you it's not deliberate to hurt you or gauge a reaction, they were just busy/didn't notice you/ didn't think it mattered whether they spoke to you or not.

    Obviously, I don't know enough about your situation to know if this is likely or not, but maybe you're just overthinking it. Most people don't actively set out to hurt or "mess with" others, but almost everyone is a bit self-absorbed at times.
    Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
    ― Sir Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766
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    Could be he doesn't want to get involved with you but doesn't know how to say it, or could be a power thing, thinking he has the upper hand and likes the thought of you wanting him.
    I'd say hi if he does or ignore him if he ignores you. Regardless of your feelings / his feelings, its just rude to blow hot and cold.
    Don't put any importance on this person they obviously don't respect you.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    Could be he doesn't want to get involved with you but doesn't know how to say it, or could be a power thing, thinking he has the upper hand and likes the thought of you wanting him.
    I'd say hi if he does or ignore him if he ignores you. Regardless of your feelings / his feelings, its just rude to blow hot and cold.
    Don't put any importance on this person they obviously don't respect you.
    It sounds to me like the guy did make the OP aware he wasn't interested.
    20aday wrote: »
    I only ask as there's someone I was interested in but they weren't interested back, which is fair enough.
    Maybe he just feels embarrassed.

    I wish the OP well for the future. :)
  • 20aday
    20aday Posts: 2,610
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    Morning all.

    Thank you to everyone for their thoughts/feedback since I last posted a reply the other day.

    Yes 'Mr X' did tell me he wasn't interested and whilst part of me does feel it's "wishful thinking" on my part some of their behaviour seemed to suggest otherwise, that's all.

    Funnily enough they were in work this morning. Completely ignored him i.e. turned my back to him etc whilst tying up loose ends.

    Was talking to another colleague about something that needs resolving at work and life in general and Mr X came up to the both of us and joined in the conversation.

    Made a point of giving him no eye contact and not responding to his input and for the first time in ages I actually felt in control of the situation.

    Whilst part of me would've liked the outcome to have been different I'm glad, in a way, it's turned out like it has done.

    Given what happened to me in the past (see above) I'm too messed up in the head for anything serious anyway. Even thirteen/fourteen years later I could stand in a hot shower for hours on end and scrub myself with a wire scourer and bleach... and I'd still feel dirty :(
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
  • 20aday I am so sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience when you were younger. I hope you can find some support to help you deal with your feelings around what happened to you.
  • 20aday
    20aday Posts: 2,610
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    Rowanmoon wrote: »
    20aday I am so sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience when you were younger. I hope you can find some support to help you deal with your feelings around what happened to you.

    Thank you-the support is out there and I've never truly dealt with it OP.

    I know I've got to ascend the mountain to enjoy the view; I'm just frightened of what I'll have to go through-dealing with years and years of burying the issue.
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
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