after some advice

hi
wonder if i can get some opinions and help. i am living with my partner and my 3 children aged 12 13 17 thing is my partner has a very bad alcohol problem and when he is drunk he is nasty and adbusive, up to now ive just brushed it under the carpet and tried to get on with things. about 2 weeks ago something clicked inside me and i havent spoken to him once unless i needed too. ive been looking for somewhere to live. thing is on monday we had a long talk and he said he had realised just how close to losing us he has come and said he will stop drinking and change and upto now he has. yesterday i got offered a council house of my own as i cant stay where i am as its in his name and im not sure he would sign it over. im now at a loss i want to believe him but the other half of me says he will let me down and ive been through all this already with my childrens dad who passed away from alcoholism. i am so confused x
£365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
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Comments

  • ognum
    ognum Posts: 4,835
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    I don't think there is any confusion needed. I would accept the council house and move in with your children. Give your partner the time and space to change and see if he does.

    If he does you can reassess your relationship but until then you and your children need somewhere safe, secure and your own.
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
    I'd be amazed if he can stop drinking without professional help.

    My gut reaction to your situation is to take the council house, challenge him to prove he can reform and perhaps see him once a week to find out how he's doing.

    That distance might be exactly what you need to understand your own feelings.
  • cherry123_2
    cherry123_2 Posts: 120 Forumite
    thank u deep down i know what i need to do its finding the courage to leap x ive been very lucky the house ive been offered is not too far from where we are now so kids school n friends will still be around x ive also no one to really talk too about it all x
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
  • Red-Squirrel_2
    Red-Squirrel_2 Posts: 4,341 Forumite
    Definitely take the house.

    If your partner turns out to be one if the very few alcoholics who is able to turn it around and fully recover, permanently, then you can start again in a few years time and take it slow.

    It's far more likely that he'll make an attempt but not succeed and will stay just as he is for the rest of his life. It's very sad, but you have to protect yourself and your children from going through that again.
  • jewelly
    jewelly Posts: 513
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    I think you may benefit from contacting Al-anon which can give you support. http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
  • chesky
    chesky Posts: 1,341
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    Moving into your own place doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship but it will be on your terms. You can invite him in if you want, or just keep him out if he fails to live up to his promise. It will be YOUR decision.
  • cherry123_2
    cherry123_2 Posts: 120 Forumite
    Thank you everyone im viewing it tomorrow so hopefully will be able to sign for the tenancy on monday next week. xx have to admit im a little scared to be honest x
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
  • borkid
    borkid Posts: 2,475
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    Hi cherry my dad was abusive when drinking which was frequently. I wish my mum had had the opportunity and courage to leave him it would have been so much better for us. Less money but not living in fear all the time. After a bad bout there were always treats but he never stopped the abuse
  • cherry123_2
    cherry123_2 Posts: 120 Forumite
    thank you everyone. i lve done nothing but think about things this last few weeks. i left my childrens dad for the exact same reasons and he died 7 years ago
    Ive been with my partner 9 years now and know deep down he isnt a bad person but drink alters him so much. need to pick myself up dust myself down and be me again cos to be honest ive shut all my family away due to embrassement that it was happening again. xxx
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
  • PeacefulWaters
    PeacefulWaters Posts: 8,495 Forumite
    cherry123 wrote: »
    thank you everyone. i lve done nothing but think about things this last few weeks. i left my childrens dad for the exact same reasons and he died 7 years ago
    Ive been with my partner 9 years now and know deep down he isnt a bad person but drink alters him so much. need to pick myself up dust myself down and be me again cos to be honest ive shut all my family away due to embrassement that it was happening again. xxx

    You'll feel liberated. Your kids will be in a better environment.

    Reach out to your family. Slowly if nervous. I found mine to be remarkable after I'd effectively cut them off for two decades.
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