How to approach husband about credit card debt

AutumnLeaves · 3 February 2018 at 2:50PM

Hello, I've decided to post on this Board rather than the Credit Card Board, as I don't need a lecture about managing finances or keeping up repayments etc. It's my husband's credit card debts that are worrying me, not my own. I am extremely careful with money and hate having any interest owing on my own cards.

I've known for some time that husband has 2 credit cards, but he has never admitted how much is owed on them - he is very easy going and always makes out that it is never a problem, it's under control. So I have had to turn detective and found a pile of bills in his work bag (I know I shouldn't have looked but I am concerned). He is only paying off the minimum payment each month, therefore incurring maximum interest so the actual debt is never being paid off. He nearly reached his limit of £3k very recently. What did they do? They've just increased his limit to £3.5k! Over Christmas he probably saw this as a 'present', so is once again close to his limit.

I am so angry/upset because it's incurring interest that will take years to sort out. On the other card he is close to that limit too, £1200. I found out by checking his emails which I know was wrong of me too :-(

I have tried broaching the subject several times, remaining calm and saying I'd really like him to apply for a 0% interest card to transfer the balance as he must be paying a fortune in interest (I can't let him know that I know the actual amounts owed) but he always says 'not to worry, it's hardly anything and will be paid off soon'.

Can anyone suggest any other way I can go about this please? Ideally I'd like to cut up both cards and transfer the balance to a 0% card or a loan, but obviously I can't do that as they are in his name only. I don't want a blazing row about it so I don't want to admit looking for/ finding his bills, but also I can't accept his excuses that all is well when it clearly isn't!

As for the reason behind it all - he doesn't go mad buying frivolous things, he doesn't really earn a great deal so has put more & more purchases on cards and the debt/interest has compounded & I certainly can't see a way out unless we discuss this and he co-operates! Any advice appreciated!

lika_86 · 3 February 2018 at 3:24PM

This probably doesn't help, but this is one he has to want to sort out himself. Until he has a lightbulb moment and realises that it needs sorting then little you can do will have an impact. At the moment he has no incentive to change his behaviour or his finances. Plus, if he doesn't earn a lot then the idea of going without things for long enough to clear nearly £5k won't appeal.

You say 'he doesn't really earn a great deal' - are your finances kept separate? Is it possible he's been putting things on cards so that you as a couple can keep up a certain lifestyle? Or is it just bits and pieces for him? If it's stuff for both of you then you need to tackle the problem as much as him. I'm not saying do it for him, but don't expect holidays if it means him increasing the debt.

There has to be a reason for him to want to change and both of you need to be on board for it to work.

geminilady · 3 February 2018 at 3:28PM

Why can't you bring the subject up and ask him straight out how much he owes? Then you could say it really would be better transferred to a no interest card.If he lies then you will have another problem

gettingtheresometime · 3 February 2018 at 3:45PM

lika_86 wrote: »

This probably doesn't help, but this is one he has to want to sort out himself. Until he has a lightbulb moment and realises that it needs sorting then little you can do will have an impact. At the moment he has no incentive to change his behaviour or his finances. Plus, if he doesn't earn a lot then the idea of going without things for long enough to clear nearly £5k won't appeal.

You say 'he doesn't really earn a great deal' - are your finances kept separate? Is it possible he's been putting things on cards so that you as a couple can keep up a certain lifestyle? Or is it just bits and pieces for him? If it's stuff for both of you then you need to tackle the problem as much as him. I'm not saying do it for him, but don't expect holidays if it means him increasing the debt.

There has to be a reason for him to want to change and both of you need to be on board for it to work.

Would say this is the best piece of advice you’ll receive on this subject.

AutumnLeaves · 3 February 2018 at 3:53PM

lika_86 wrote: »

This probably doesn't help, but this is one he has to want to sort out himself. Until he has a lightbulb moment and realises that it needs sorting then little you can do will have an impact. At the moment he has no incentive to change his behaviour or his finances. Plus, if he doesn't earn a lot then the idea of going without things for long enough to clear nearly £5k won't appeal.

You say 'he doesn't really earn a great deal' - are your finances kept separate? Is it possible he's been putting things on cards so that you as a couple can keep up a certain lifestyle? Or is it just bits and pieces for him? If it's stuff for both of you then you need to tackle the problem as much as him. I'm not saying do it for him, but don't expect holidays if it means him increasing the debt.

There has to be a reason for him to want to change and both of you need to be on board for it to work.

Thanks Lika_86 - I can see you are right, he doesn't have much incentive to change, it's me that is so annoyed about it as my pet hate is credit card interest - it's so unnecessary! When I say he doesn't earn a great deal - I really meant that his salary is average, but there isn't anything left at the end of each week (he gets paid weekly). He has different Direct Debits/ car finance/insurance payments going out each week. So the problem is really that he has no spare cash left to spend on his fishing hobby or anything else. We have a modest lifestyle, hardly ever going out to socialise really. He does drink beer at home & smokes - both of which he says he will give up but never does anything about it! (I do try to encourage him to give up but don't want to nag or have a go about it too much).

We have separate accounts but pay the household bills jointly (Direct Debits from my account as I'm paid monthly - he gives me a set amount in cash each week when he is paid). We are saving up jointly for a holiday - first one in 4 years - but this is certainly not going on his credit card! I keep the money safe in a separate account. Maybe things will change when his car finance is paid off in another couple of years, but even so, I can see this stretching out for years unless he decides to stop using his credit cards and switch to 0%

fatbelly · 3 February 2018 at 3:58PM

At least he's paying the minimum payments so his credit history should be OK. And 4.7k is not huge in the grand scheme of things.

Show him this interesting mse article you've read on 0% balance transfers

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/balance-transfer-credit-cards

AutumnLeaves · 3 February 2018 at 4:01PM

geminilady wrote: »

Why can't you bring the subject up and ask him straight out how much he owes? Then you could say it really would be better transferred to a no interest card.If he lies then you will have another problem

I have asked him before but he is evasive and tells me not to worry about it, it will be paid off soon. So he doesn't lie outright but just won't tell me the amount. I have no reason to keep pushing him about it, as I shouldn't have looked for his bills....

AutumnLeaves · 3 February 2018 at 4:05PM

fatbelly wrote: »

At least he's paying the minimum payments so his credit history should be OK. And 4.7k is not huge in the grand scheme of things.

Show him this interesting mse article you've read on 0% balance transfers

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/balance-transfer-credit-cards

Thank you - I will try to show him this article but suspect he will tell me not to worry about it, it's all under control (as usual). He probably feels ashamed that he's reached his max on 2 cards.

Like you say, he is meeting the min payments so maybe I am just worrying too much about it.

paddy's_mum · 3 February 2018 at 8:31PM

There is no way on this earth that you are "worrying too much" about all this! Take it from me - I've been there. Hidden debt kills otherwise sound marriages.

Apart from anything else, his secrecy is disloyal to you and to the family and that is such a shameful thing. You have the RIGHT to know what is going on within the family exchequer and if that means you have a little 'snoop' to be in possession of facts that affect you also, then in my opinion you have nothing to apologise for. He is not a single man with obligations to nobody but himself and in my view there is a measure of contempt for you in his deciding to keep such an important fact his little secret.

Evasive answers - I'd give him evasive and if it took a boot up the backside to make him see how dishonourable he is being, well so be it.

I am astonished that you are so worried but reluctant to kick off a quarrel or upset him in some way. Really? So if this whole pile of 'fudging of the truth' collapses around your ears in mortgage difficulties, the possibility of repossession or bankruptcy, do you truthfully believe that there won't be an explosion of wrath, rows and tears? So, effectively, what are you actually avoiding?

Speak to him and make it clear that you will no longer take no for an answer and that if it continues, you will be withdrawing your financial support as well as severing any joint account. He may be a lovely chap but debt is an insidious poison with the capability of destroying your lives.

Good luck.

fatbelly · 3 February 2018 at 9:08PM

AutumnLeaves wrote: »

Thank you - I will try to show him this article but suspect he will tell me not to worry about it, it's all under control (as usual). He probably feels ashamed that he's reached his max on 2 cards.

Like you say, he is meeting the min payments so maybe I am just worrying too much about it.

If those are mainstream credit cards his minimum payments will be £47 per month. He probably sees that as a good deal - the same as someone who borrows £100 from a doorstep (Provident-type) lender and is told they can pay back at only £5 per week. But the guy paying back Provident will pay for a year and so his £100 will cost £150 in interest alone.

Your husband can check how much his 'plan' will cost and how long it will take; the checker says it is likely to take 19 years and cost £8,929 in interest.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/minimum-repayments-credit-card

Move it to a 0% card and pay £130 per month = debt-free in 3 years. No interest. Just a £65 fee.

Savvy_Sue · 3 February 2018 at 10:47PM

so next time he says "it's all under control, it'll be paid off soon" why not ask "so how much closer to paying it off are you now than you were six months ago?"

Dig your heels in a bit: "I don't to argue about this, I'd just like to know exactly what's owed, I know you say it's all under control but I'd like to think that if we work on it together we could do it faster."

"When you aren't open with me about this, I worry. I know that's probably unnecessary, but I still worry. Please can we sit down and look at the latest bills together and see if we can work out how quickly we could pay them off."

Dripping tap, I think. If it leads to rows, it leads to rows - better than than a lack of honesty, surely?

How to approach husband about credit card debt

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