Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

bob4jane · 29 February 2012 at 2:49AM

Aside from all the moral "partnership in love and money" arguments, (If you ask me, anything else is a mockery of your vows and you should stop being so selfish.) I can't understand how life for my wife and I would work without the "All in one pot" system. I earn more than my wife, she works part time.

The other half of the week, she "earns" the extra I bring home by just generally being all lovely and a good wife, and loving me! That's what love is, to me - giving all you have.

(As well, of course, by doing her other job of mother to our wee lad!)

jackieb · 29 February 2012 at 3:08AM

I'd be really cheesed off if this was the case in our house. My husband earns the majority of our money. Everything is paid into a joint current account - one (not so) big pot. The day our salaries go in is the same day that all our bill money is paid by standing order into our bill paying account. What's left is ours to do with what we want (it would be very easy to transfer an equal amount into a personal account for each partner, but we don't). It's simple. You have to trust someone if you're married to them. If you're married, it's to your partner, hence it's a partnership. I don't see why this should be an issue. This should be sorted out before anyone gets married, and if you can't agree, then just live together instead.

Cabbagewhite · 29 February 2012 at 4:12AM

When we met I was earning a lot more than my Husband, now I have a part-time job and look after the children, he earns as much a week as I take home a month. We had our own accounts to start off with, then had a joint account for expenses but still maintained our own accounts. As he was then paid weekly in cash which varied greatly from one week to the next, whereas I was paid monthly into the bank - it seemed that we were forever juggling money between accounts. We just paid it all into the joint account, so much simpler. You do really have to trust your partner though and we all know of relationships where one party was either a lying, cheating waste of space or had drink/drug/gambling issues - do not put all your money where they can get it in that case.

All of the expenses should come out first, then the disposable income should either be split to spend/save as you wish, or better still decide how much you will save then split the money left over after that. After all, you never know when your circumstances may change and your income may increase or decrease. Having been with my Husband for over 20 years, I can honestly say that when we met, I would never have envisaged how our lives have gone, especially in the last 4 or 5 years.

SoozM · 29 February 2012 at 6:44AM

My husband & I have a joint account from which we pay all bills and expenses for our son. We also both maintain our own individual accounts, where salaries are paid and personal spending (clothes, nights out apart etc) come from.

Each month we both pay a set amount into the joint account from our salary account to cover bills, and this is directly proportionate to our salaries... each year we review the amount depending on any pay rises we are lucky enough to get, and alter the amounts if required. It's only fair that we each have a similar percentage of disposable income leftover after bills.

I don't know if this is a male/female debate.... so I'm not going to say who pays more in our house, as in my opinion it shouldn't matter... the calculation is fair, regardless of who pays more and who pays less. We both have our heads held high that we pay the same percentage of our hard earned cash towards bills.

juggsy · 29 February 2012 at 8:11AM

clarey33 wrote: »

Um hang on a minute, a marriage is a partnership, all money is joint money so whyare you both paying an amount?. Both of our wages go into a joint account and bills are paid from it. There is No you pay half and so will i! what happens if u have children and you.stop working how will you pay your share? I never have to justify what I have spent money on as I pay my share into the *pot*. My husband earns 4x my salary, but that is not an issue to us. :mad:

Sorry, but I feel this is a very presumptious comment. All couples are different and have different views on joint spending, and thus you should be sitting down with your other half to discuss this.

I earn 4x as much as my wife, we pay a proportion of our wages into a joint account for bills, savings etc, the rest is our own spending money. I pay more towards bills but also have more disposable cash. I tend to be the one who pays for dinner when we're out etc., but at the same time know I can spend my money on whatever as the bills are covered. At the same time, whenever she treats me, or we buy each other gifts for birthdays etc. it feels like we are actually being treated, rather than the money coming from the same joint 'pot' it always does. This arrangement works really well for us, we've never had an argument about money.

I have a friend who pays all wages into a joint pot, which everything including spending money comes out of, and the couple frequently argue about money (I hear about it all the time as he asks for advice!) I have another friend who does this and the arrangement works perfectly for them.

My point is, get some insight and inspiration from this thread, then sit down over a cup of tea with your hubby and work something out which works best for both of you. You don't necessarily have to listen to people who say 'you're married so your money should all be in one big lump'. This is clearly coming from someone who earns less in the household. It can work for some, not necessarily for all. Every couple is different, and this needs to be something you mutually agree on.

VfM4meplse · 29 February 2012 at 8:18AM

juggsy wrote: »

I earn 4x as much as my wife, we pay a proportion of our wages into a joint account for bills, savings etc, the rest is our own spending money. I pay more towards bills but also have more disposable cash.

I find it a little odd that you are comfortable having more disposable cash than your wife. Should you divorce, would your wife not be entitled to half of your savings and a fair slice of your future earning anyway?

juggsy · 29 February 2012 at 8:28AM

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I find it a little odd that you are comfortable having more disposable cash than your wife. Should you divorce, would your wife not be entitled to half of your savings and a fair slice of your future earning anyway?

I guess you missed the point of my post, which is we have a system which works well for us (we've openly discussed it), not necessarily everyone. And frankly I don't live my life assuming divorce, that's a highly pessimistic attitude and not a very healthy outlook to married life! But suggest we don't detract from the OP on that one.

Maud12 · 29 February 2012 at 8:29AM

My son and daughter-in-law each pay 50% of the bills and have individual checking accounts. My son earns more but my daughter-in-law is so financially delinquent that my son would not consider making his earnings available to her. When I say "financially delinquent", she had 5 credit cards all maxed to the limit so she took out a consolidation loan to pay them off. That done she took out another 5 credit cards and to date has maxed these out to the limit and only has funds to pay the minimum payment each month. She also has additional loans. Money is a major issue in their marriage and although she promises to curb her spending (clothes, gifits, lunches, dinners, etc.) she just reverts to her bad old ways. It drives my son up the wall because he is very cautious with his spending but he hopes with time (she will be 30 this year) she will improve. So NO he shouldn't pay more of the joint bills.

crank_girl · 29 February 2012 at 8:32AM

I never get why married people have separate finances. My partner and I have one current account into which our salaries are paid and bills debited from. We have separate savings accounts to take advantage of tax-free savings but understand that what belongs to one also belongs to the other. We're a team and both contribute equally to the success of our household. That one earns more than the other should not be regarded as a larger contribution.

duchy · 29 February 2012 at 8:42AM

Earnings ebb and flow in a marriage. One partner may start off the larger contributor then due to illness, redundancy, childcare responsibilities be contributing proportionately less. An arrangement made when both partners were earning roughly the same needs adjusting when things change-or even when one's career becomes the focus eg moving for a new better paid job and the other doesn't find work comparable with their previous job pre-move.

I was the higher earner when I married -I encouraged my husband to take a career move that turned out to be a really really good one (and in all honesty without me encouraging himI don't think he'd have had the courage to step out of his comfort zone)-His earnings rocketed and mine fell once we had a child and I worked part-time. It was fairer he paid a greater share but he also felt he was working long hours and "deserved" more treats/fun money for his efforts. Each couple needs to work out what works for them but it does seem reasonable with a big gap in earnings that splitting bills proportionate to earnings is fairer -but I can see if a partner is used to having MORE spending money then it needs to be talked about so it's seen as fair by both. My husband definitely spent more on fun stuff than I did but I didn't have a huge problem with it-He had more expensive interests and worked darn hard so I did feel he deserved it -although I certainly wasn't going to be a martyr over it and had fun money too -he definitely spent more but it wasn't an issue to me. Once in a while I'd point out if something was OTTand we'd discuss it and compromise would be made. It certainly wasn't 50/50 to the penny but it worked. I didn't feel the same "need" to spend as he did-simply because my interests weren't as expensive and I saw no point in demanding more than I needed or wanted at the expense of restricting his spending for no reason than "fairness".

Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

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