Is this bullying or just plain rude?

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  • Undervalued
    Undervalued Posts: 8,852 Forumite
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »
    What, so if I work in a team of five people and four of us get on great but the fifth is dull as ditchwater, we all have to add them as a friend on Facebook and go out on their birthday anyway? Even though we interact with them perfectly civilly at work? And if we don't; it's bullying?

    Rubbish.

    I couldn't agree more.
  • Makeachange
    Makeachange Posts: 962 Forumite
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    Bravepants wrote: »
    I have a couple of good friends I met while working, and they and their partners are good friends of mine, and we go way back - I mean 20 years or so! We of course get together outside work, and always have. I have other outside friends too of course and we always have a good time when we get together. I have learned the hard way recently that getting too involved with so called "friends" at work is not a good idea!

    These days I go to work just to work and earn money; and apart from the two or three good friends I made in the past will NOT be putting any effort in to making "friends" with anyone else!


    my thoughts exactly!
    I WILL GET THERE.
  • marliepanda
    marliepanda Posts: 7,186 Forumite
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    Workplace exclusion is of course a thing.

    But the OP makes no reference to workplace exclusion. Only social exclusion, and there are no laws requiring you to be friends with your workmates.

    I'm fairly new to a job, 9 months in, and I wasn't invited to one girls wedding. That's not exclusion. That's not wanting me at her wedding!

    If she was left out of 'staff' events, then that's one thing. But social events are what the OP mentions and nobody has to be friends with anyone.
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
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    This happens to me but I'm not bothered as I go to work to earn money and I'm not a social person ( maybe they sense that!) So wouldn't want to be involved in stuff out of work anyway.
    If they deliberately shun you or cut you out of conversations at work, that could be bullying but if its outside stuff I'd personally be happy not to be identified as ' one of the gang'! Sounds very petty. I wasn't with the in crowd at my last place and someone honest told me it was because they perceived me to be different. Because I'm not into fake tan and designer clothes ( her words) they didn't include me. One woman always made a point to talk loudly about how great the party was at the weekend or how great dinner was etc knowing full well everyone but me had been there. It happens a lot. Just ignore them and be happy you are not childish like them!
  • andygb
    andygb Posts: 14,631 Forumite
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    Work is work, and everything else is your own time. If you try to mix the two, then it is only a matter of time before your time suffers.
  • Red-Squirrel_2
    Red-Squirrel_2 Posts: 4,341 Forumite
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »
    What, so if I work in a team of five people and four of us get on great but the fifth is dull as ditchwater, we all have to add them as a friend on Facebook and go out on their birthday anyway? Even though we interact with them perfectly civilly at work? And if we don't; it's bullying?

    Rubbish.

    If they're just dull, rather than unpleasant or unkind or racist or homophobic or something, then I think it would be much better to at least try to include them. I would.

    If you worked in a team of 10 and got on great with 4 but not the other 5 it would be different, but when it's just one it does seem more personal.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »
    What, so if I work in a team of five people and four of us get on great but the fifth is dull as ditchwater, we all have to add them as a friend on Facebook and go out on their birthday anyway? Even though we interact with them perfectly civilly at work? And if we don't; it's bullying?

    No, I don't think you should have to interact socially with all workmates but I also think that you have to keep your social life separate from the work place.

    If all but one person spends a lot of time of work talking about social things you've done and planning future social events, that can create a very uncomfortable atmosphere.
  • xapprenticex
    xapprenticex Posts: 1,760 Forumite
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    Bravepants wrote: »
    I have a couple of good friends I met while working, and they and their partners are good friends of mine, and we go way back - I mean 20 years or so! We of course get together outside work, and always have. I have other outside friends too of course and we always have a good time when we get together. I have learned the hard way recently that getting too involved with so called "friends" at work is not a good idea!

    These days I go to work just to work and earn money; and apart from the two or three good friends I made in the past will NOT be putting any effort in to making "friends" with anyone else!


    Details!!??
  • Bravepants
    Bravepants Posts: 1,503 Forumite
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    xapprenticex wrote: »
    Details!!??

    LOL, I'd rather not thanks!
    If you want to be rich, live like you're poor; if you want to be poor, live like you're rich.
  • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser Posts: 2,851 Forumite
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    Red-Squirrel wrote: »
    If they're just dull, rather than unpleasant or unkind or racist or homophobic or something, then I think it would be much better to at least try to include them. I would.

    If you worked in a team of 10 and got on great with 4 but not the other 5 it would be different, but when it's just one it does seem more personal.

    It is personal. Nevertheless, who you associate with outside work is entirely based on who you like. Do you march up to groups of strangers in pubs and insist on tagging along with them? If not, I can't see why you would expect to tag along with people who know that they don't like you.
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