Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give as much if I'm only going to the evening do?

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Sorry to sound dumb, but should the bride and groom expect anything from people who are not invited to the actual wedding? But only the night do? I think a card would be in order, but a gift?

I've only been to one wedding where I was only invited to the evening element. I don't remember too well but I believe we only gave a card. To be fair they weren't close at all and it was actually years until we saw them again. Only reason I went was because my girlfriend was keen to go.

Drmouse, I can respect what your saying and in a situation where a wedding is literally family only I could appreciate it. However did you have any friends at your wedding? If so you are basically saying to your 'evening do' guests that they aren't as good a friends as those that you did invite to the whole day. Nothing wrong with that as such but you should expect 'C list friend' presents from them.

I think a wedding is a great situation to see just how good a friend someone considers you.

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I find evening only invitations incredibly offensive and rude. I refuse to go just to the evening bit. If I'm not a good enough friend to be invited to the ceremony the I'm not going to turn up to make up the numbers in the evening. Save yourself money and worry and be otherwise engaged that evening.

This ^^^ :T

brewerdave wrote: »

...Have to agree with this post - In the past we HAVE attended a wedding just for the evening "do" -and found it quite unpleasant as most of the guests had already drunk their fill, it was very noisy,the groom and his "mates" were out of their skulls, and we didn't even see the bride!!

We recently were invited to the evening of a niece's wedding when most of the other uncles/aunts were invited to the whole event -we declined the invitation as we felt very offended ...and no wedding present!

I fully understand the point about costs but the bride/groom need to think VERY carefully about guest lists!

This too :T

selement wrote: »

Wow our evening guests aren't 'making up numbers ' they're people we'd love to invite to the full day but it's getting so expensive so if we've known them less time or are a bit less close they got an evening invite instead. I hope none of our friends are offended in this way! I think it's fine to pay less for an evening invite, maybe have 1 gift from the day guests of the group and 1 from the evening guests?

I agree with ladyhawke and brewerdave.

I wouldn't thank anyone for only giving me a post-wedding 'night do' invite either, nor would I get the couple a present. If I'm not deemed worthy enough to be invited to the actual wedding, and am clearly not wanted anywhere on their wedding photos, then I won't be attending the 'night do.'

People can make of it what they like, but there is no need for them to be insulting and berating people who don't think as they do, and find a post-wedding 'night do' invitation a bit insulting.

Kynthia wrote: »

Wow, how is an invite offensive? Talk about a sense of entitlement when an invite to a party with food and music 'isn't enough'.

An invite to a party with food and music? You're joking aren't you? So you expect people to spend potentially forty to fifty quid on an outfit, anything between forty and fifty quid on taxis, maybe fifty quid on a hotel room if the 'night do' is too far to get to and from in one night, forty odd quid for babysitting if kids aren't invited, fifty quid on a gift, and pay for all their drinks all night at the bar (because drinks are NEVER included at these things!) Just to get a few stale vol au vents and a piece of rubbery quiche, and to spend the evening in the company of a crappy DJ paying rubbish music all night, and a 100 people who they barely know.

We're looking potentially at around £200 plus! And I wasn't even worthy of being invited to the wedding! And I'm meant to be flattered by this invite?

No thanks, I think I'll stay at home and watch Strictly, in the company of my family, (not a bunch of people I barely know,) with a four quid bottle of wine from Lidl, and a Chinese takeaway. MUCH more enjoyable and probably 10-15 times cheaper!

What's more, my local pub holds parties and events every 2 months or so with a barbecue, or a disco, or a live act, and gives out free food. All you have to do is buy your own drinks. Fifteen minute walk, free night except the drinks, free food, free music, good company!

I know which I prefer!

Yes IMO, it IS insulting actually... "You can come to the disco in the evening, spend a fortune on taxis, hotel rooms, an outfit, babysitting, drinks at the bar which will be at least a fiver each, and make sure you buy me a fabulous gift, but you don't get to come to my wedding."

Errrrr, nah yer OK!

EssexHebridean wrote: »

In fairness though, it sounds very much like your friends may have a good measure of what you're like, and in fact the reason you only get invited to an evening do may be because they feel that they "have" to invite you...I bet there's a sense of relief when you decline it! :rotfl:

Now that's just rude. Says more about you to be honest.

Had a few people turn down your evening invite did you?!

I would imagine the poster you're digging at would be more relieved than the bride and groom, if she can think of an excuse to not go to their ghastly 'post-wedding night do.'

Lily-Rose wrote: »

This ^^^ :T



This too :T



I agree with ladyhawke and brewerdave.

I wouldn't thank anyone for only giving me a post-wedding 'night do' invite either, nor would I get the couple a present. If I'm not deemed worthy enough to be invited to the actual wedding, and am clearly not wanted anywhere on their wedding photos, then I won't be attending the 'night do.'

People can make of it what they like, but there is no need for them to be insulting and berating people who don't think as they do, and find a post-wedding 'night do' invitation a bit insulting.



An invite to a party with food and music? You're joking aren't you? So you expect people to spend potentially forty to fifty quid on an outfit, anything between forty and fifty quid on taxis, maybe fifty quid on a hotel room if the 'night do' is too far to get to and from in one night, forty odd quid for babysitting if kids aren't invited, fifty quid on a gift, and pay for all their drinks all night at the bar (because drinks are NEVER included at these things!) Just to get a few stale vol au vents and a piece of rubbery quiche, and to spend the evening in the company of a crappy DJ paying rubbish music all night, and a 100 people who they barely know.

We're looking potentially at around £200 plus! And I wasn't even worthy of being invited to the wedding! And I'm meant to be flattered by this invite?

No thanks, I think I'll stay at home and watch Strictly, in the company of my family, (not a bunch of people I barely know,) with a four quid bottle of wine from Lidl, and a Chinese takeaway. MUCH more enjoyable and probably 10-15 times cheaper!

What's more, my local pub holds parties and events every 2 months or so with a barbecue, or a disco, or a live act, and gives out free food. All you have to do is buy your own drinks. Fifteen minute walk, free night except the drinks, free food, free music, good company!

I know which I prefer!

Yes IMO, it IS insulting actually... "You can come to the disco in the evening, spend a fortune on taxis, hotel rooms, an outfit, babysitting, drinks at the bar which will be at least a fiver each, and make sure you buy me a fabulous gift, but you don't get to come to my wedding."

Errrrr, nah yer OK!



Now that's just rude. Says more about you to be honest.

Had a few people turn down your evening invite did you?!

I would imagine the poster you're digging at would be more relieved than the bride and groom, if she can think of an excuse to not go to their ghastly 'post-wedding night do.'

I don't know anyone who would pay for fancy new outfits, expensive cab rides and hotel accommodation to attend an evening do. Plus not everyone has children and needs to pay for babysitters and I can't say that brides and groom 'expect' a gift from anyone, never mind an evening guest. Many who are less close just bring a card or a bottle of something. Most people only go to an evening do in an outfit they already own and if it's a reasonable distance to travel to for an evening. If it's too far you decline. Also usually people are invited by someone they like so I guess I don't understand all this venomosity. It appears many of you are invited by people you don't care about, so don't go as I wouldn't make the effort for people didn't know or like, but it seems strange to be invited at all then.

On such an occasion as a wedding, it isn't what you get out of it that counts, surely. You're either friends with the couple, or you're not, and whether you're there all day or just for the evening makes no difference.

However, if you feel so strongly about it, why not tell the others that you would prefer to buy something special instead? It need not be expensive. How about, for example, a five-year diary, always assuming that the marriage will last that long?:)