Can't afford to stay in a relationship

Lostformoney · 25 February 2017 at 3:00AM

This is a long post so please bare with me. I'd also like to point out I suffer anxiety and depression, please be kind as I am under immense pressure.

Basically....I cannot afford to stay in a relationship with my partner due to benefit cuts and I need help.

I used to get higher care and mobility DLA. This paid for my home help to keep me living at home and helped me get around, I also had a Motability car. During assesment for PIP I was awarded standard for mobility and care. I lost my Motability car, because of that I was left unable to get my kids to school, unable to get to doctors or hospital appointments. I also lost my homehelp, the situation became terrible as with my partner away often with work - I had no support and social work are over run and unable to see me anytime soon.

I spoke to a benefits advisor and they realised the mobility side of PIP was wrong and appealed to get this fixed. By the time this happened I'd used the transitional package to pay for my home help and taxis, the rest I put towards finance deposit for a car that could fit my family, but I can't drive as it doesn't have my adaptations - I therefore couldn't get a mobility car. The care assesment is correct, but under the PIP system, I don't get enough points to cover the costs of my care needs.

Because care has went down I have been told I am no longer eligible for certain tax credits benefits and to top it off, tax credits have been overpaid as a result.

To this end, what is coming in from OHs wage and my benefits isn't even covering the basics. We live in a wheelchair accessible home and the rent is just over half my partners wage, council tax has been reduced due to disability but it's due to go up for everyone, the cost of where we live is high but due to OH work we have no option, we are tied into phone/broadband contracts from when we were financially stable and can't reduce or get out of them. We get tax credits, but due to my PIP care being reduced, unbeknown to me I stopped being eligible for a disabled element and I've been told we have been overpaid and the amounts will stop until next year then be significantly reduced.

We have just worked out that because of all of this, we are in the negative of over £600 a month now and that's without my homehelp. We will have absolutely nothing left over for savings or car repairs.

CAB looked at our income and explained we are not entitled to anymore help and tax credits have said no to Paying back over payments in smaller amounts. The bottom line is, we can't afford to be in a relationship together.

We have just worked out our only current options are to split up (because our system says I'll get all sorts of benefits!), go homeless or wait for the debt collectors when we don't pay anything.

Can anyone come up with some ideas?

We can't switch providers due to the special meter & boiler we have
We can't move as there are no suitable properties for cheaper
We are paying the minimum to our debts that we can
We can't get out our phone and broadband contracts
I am very good with food budget, I normally cook most things from scratch when I can (though this is less now I don't have home help)
We do not socialise or do anything now we could cut back on :-(
We have tried selling things to make up the gap but we have ran out
As our daughter is two weeks old, I can't go to work but even if I could, I need my home help to help me get kids to nursery to go

Any suggestions would be gratefully welcomed and again, please be kind and consider the mental health issues I suffer from

Darksparkle · 25 February 2017 at 8:06AM

How many hours does your partner work?

What does he earn?

How many children do you have? Have tax credits been informed of new baby?

sammyjammy · 25 February 2017 at 9:11AM

Why not try a Statement of Affairs on the debt free wannabe board? You say you are paying the minimum on your debts possible, I assume that means a token payment of £1 if not thats what you need to do.

kazwookie · 25 February 2017 at 9:16AM

Move to a completly different area, you state your OH works away from home a lot, and also you need to live where your OH works, it is one or the other.

Lioness_Twinkletoes · 25 February 2017 at 9:16AM

Have you contacted a debt charity, such as StepChange? I appreciate you state that you're paying the minimum towards your debts but they may have other suggestions.

Splittin up is clearly not an option - you chose to have (another) child together and now you both have a commitment to that child.

If you post an SOA we might be able to suggest ways that you can make things stretch - at the moment it is unclear what your incoming and outgoings are. For all we know you might be getting a very healthy yearly amount but need some additional help budgeting.

kingfisherblue · 25 February 2017 at 9:56AM

Lostformoney wrote: »

This is a long post so please bare with me. I'd also like to point out I suffer anxiety and depression, please be kind as I am under immense pressure.

Basically....I cannot afford to stay in a relationship with my partner due to benefit cuts and I need help.

I used to get higher care and mobility DLA. This paid for my home help to keep me living at home and helped me get around, I also had a Motability car. During assesment for PIP I was awarded standard for mobility and care. I lost my Motability car, because of that I was left unable to get my kids to school, unable to get to doctors or hospital appointments. I also lost my homehelp, the situation became terrible as with my partner away often with work - I had no support and social work are over run and unable to see me anytime soon.

I spoke to a benefits advisor and they realised the mobility side of PIP was wrong and appealed to get this fixed. By the time this happened I'd used the transitional package to pay for my home help and taxis, the rest I put towards finance deposit for a car that could fit my family, but I can't drive as it doesn't have my adaptations - I therefore couldn't get a mobility car. The care assesment is correct, but under the PIP system, I don't get enough points to cover the costs of my care needs.

Because care has went down I have been told I am no longer eligible for certain tax credits benefits and to top it off, tax credits have been overpaid as a result.

To this end, what is coming in from OHs wage and my benefits isn't even covering the basics. We live in a wheelchair accessible home and the rent is just over half my partners wage, council tax has been reduced due to disability but it's due to go up for everyone, the cost of where we live is high but due to OH work we have no option, we are tied into phone/broadband contracts from when we were financially stable and can't reduce or get out of them. We get tax credits, but due to my PIP care being reduced, unbeknown to me I stopped being eligible for a disabled element and I've been told we have been overpaid and the amounts will stop until next year then be significantly reduced.

We have just worked out that because of all of this, we are in the negative of over £600 a month now and that's without my homehelp. We will have absolutely nothing left over for savings or car repairs.

CAB looked at our income and explained we are not entitled to anymore help and tax credits have said no to Paying back over payments in smaller amounts. The bottom line is, we can't afford to be in a relationship together.

We have just worked out our only current options are to split up (because our system says I'll get all sorts of benefits!), go homeless or wait for the debt collectors when we don't pay anything.

Can anyone come up with some ideas?

We can't switch providers due to the special meter & boiler we have
We can't move as there are no suitable properties for cheaper
We are paying the minimum to our debts that we can
We can't get out our phone and broadband contracts
I am very good with food budget, I normally cook most things from scratch when I can (though this is less now I don't have home help)
We do not socialise or do anything now we could cut back on :-(
We have tried selling things to make up the gap but we have ran out
As our daughter is two weeks old, I can't go to work but even if I could, I need my home help to help me get kids to nursery to go

Any suggestions would be gratefully welcomed and again, please be kind and consider the mental health issues I suffer from

If you need additional help at home, is it for personal care or housework? If it is personal care, Social Services might be able to send in a carer to help you get ready in a morning or at bedtime. some areas charge for this, so that might nto help your financial situation, but some areas don't, so it's probably worth checking.

Do you need care for 35 hours or more per week? If someone becomes your carer, they could claim Carer's Allowance (assuming they fulfil the criteria), helping you each day with your needs. They could also take your children to school, batch cook to make meals easier for you, and take you to appointments - but obviously it depends on knowing someone who is willing to do that. Another school parent who does not currently work might be the answer, though, as they could take your children when taking their own, and your kids could play together in school holidays when your carer is at your house.

If your children are nursery age or over, they can help make life easier by putting their washing in the basket, clearing their toys, setting the table, and carrying dishes into the kitchen after eating. My two year old granddaughter loves to be given a damp cloth to 'clean' like mummy.

Batch cooked meals that can be microwaved are useful for when your husband is away. If you don't have a carer to help, maybe your husband (or both of you) could do this when he is at home. It works out cheaper too, especially if you fill out meas such as cottage pie or spag bol with veg and pulses.

Lostformoney · 25 February 2017 at 2:37PM

kazwookie wrote: »

Move to a completly different area, you state your OH works away from home a lot, and also you need to live where your OH works, it is one or the other.

This would result in him needing a property near his work too, therefor we would both have properties. Which is one of the options we are looking at, living separately and me getting more support from the government as we simply can't afford to live under my partners wage.

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

Have you contacted a debt charity, such as StepChange? I appreciate you state that you're paying the minimum towards your debts but they may have other suggestions.

Splittin up is clearly not an option - you chose to have (another) child together and now you both have a commitment to that child.

If you post an SOA we might be able to suggest ways that you can make things stretch - at the moment it is unclear what your incoming and outgoings are. For all we know you might be getting a very healthy yearly amount but need some additional help budgeting.

We have been in touch with CAB. We pay minimum to debts that we can which is nominal payments. We have reduced payments on everything possible. Unless we can reduce council tax, rent or electricity, there isn't much else I can think of.

What is a SOA?

kingfisherblue wrote: »

If you need additional help at home, is it for personal care or housework? If it is personal care, Social Services might be able to send in a carer to help you get ready in a morning or at bedtime. some areas charge for this, so that might nto help your financial situation, but some areas don't, so it's probably worth checking.

Do you need care for 35 hours or more per week? If someone becomes your carer, they could claim Carer's Allowance (assuming they fulfil the criteria), helping you each day with your needs. They could also take your children to school, batch cook to make meals easier for you, and take you to appointments - but obviously it depends on knowing someone who is willing to do that. Another school parent who does not currently work might be the answer, though, as they could take your children when taking their own, and your kids could play together in school holidays when your carer is at your house.

If your children are nursery age or over, they can help make life easier by putting their washing in the basket, clearing their toys, setting the table, and carrying dishes into the kitchen after eating. My two year old granddaughter loves to be given a damp cloth to 'clean' like mummy.

Batch cooked meals that can be microwaved are useful for when your husband is away. If you don't have a carer to help, maybe your husband (or both of you) could do this when he is at home. It works out cheaper too, especially if you fill out meas such as cottage pie or spag bol with veg and pulses.

Thanks for your post and ideas.

My children do help a lot and are of great support to me, they do so much on their own like bringing washing, tidying their room, folding and taking their washing to their room, tidying toys and putting things out to the bin etc - they do as much as possible before it impacts homework.

I already do so much with food to make it stretch, when other half is home we try to batch make foods that can be frozen and reheated more easily for me in the oven (a dish big enough for all of us won't fit in a microwave even if we had one). We are very healthy eaters and a lot of our dishes are veg & pulses and no meat so very cheap to make and kids love them. The only problem is it's getting harder for me to use the oven and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to cope on my own cooking, but my kids are too young to help with that.

The help I need is with lifting and bending exercises along with some personal care. Tasks around the house like taking bins out, help with cooking, getting to appointments, getting in and out the bath, bathing/washing the younger children etc social work have been contacted but they are overrun and I've been advised it will be months before I see anyone, though they advised because my PIP care is standard it's unlikely I'll qualify for help from direct pay. There is no one nearby that could be my carer through carers allowance. I currently pay for a taxi to take my kids to school, which is £7 return per day. We have asked if other parents can help but they either have a car that's too small or don't have space. No one walks to school from near us either.

Lostformoney · 25 February 2017 at 2:48PM

Darksparkle wrote: »

How many hours does your partner work?

What does he earn?

How many children do you have? Have tax credits been informed of new baby?

45+ hours a week, he earns 2100 per month, after rent, council tax, electricity debt (as we can't pay in full), wheelchair loan, fuel for car and a nominal payment to all our debtors, he has £5.50 left. We then relied on my income from tax credits & child benefit to cover food, clothes and school taxi/lunches fees. My PIP pays car finance & insurance. I am normally left with nothing in my account each week, so losing tax credits means we have no food money unless we don't pay something.

tax credits have been informed of the baby

sammyjammy wrote: »

Why not try a Statement of Affairs on the debt free wannabe board? You say you are paying the minimum on your debts possible, I assume that means a token payment of £1 if not thats what you need to do.

What's a statement of affairs? Yes we pay the minimum, other than the car finance and wheelchair & equipment finance (they get taken away if in arrears)

Diary · 25 February 2017 at 3:00PM

Lostformoney wrote: »

45+ hours a week, he earns 2100 per month, after rent, council tax, electricity debt (as we can't pay in full), wheelchair loan, fuel for car and a nominal payment to all our debtors, he has £5.50 left. We then relied on my income from tax credits & child benefit to cover food, clothes and school taxi/lunches fees. My PIP pays car finance & insurance. I am normally left with nothing in my account each week, so losing tax credits means we have no food money unless we don't pay something.

tax credits have been informed of the baby

What's a statement of affairs? Yes we pay the minimum, other than the car finance and wheelchair & equipment finance (they get taken away if in arrears)

If you have a medical need for a wheelchair , did you know you get one free from the NHS?
I don't know your circumstances but having a 2 week old baby might mean you're not as disabled as the NHS think you should be to qualify for a wheelchair on NHS. Unless you have to have help with all your children.
This would save on your wheelchair hire fee. I have a fully adapted electric wheelchair paid for by NHS, not a scooter, because I can't walk.

Bogalot · 25 February 2017 at 3:17PM

I think the suggestion was that you all move closer to his work, not to split households. Your husband was part of the decision to have children, so he needs to be there to help you with them.

Even if you move into two households, don't be surprised if the DWP still treats you as one if you are still in a relationship with him.

GwylimT · 25 February 2017 at 3:21PM

Diary wrote: »

If you have a medical need for a wheelchair , did you know you get one free from the NHS?
I don't know your circumstances but having a 2 week old baby might mean you're not as disabled as the NHS think you should be to qualify for a wheelchair on NHS. Unless you have to have help with all your children.
This would save on your wheelchair hire fee. I have a fully adapted electric wheelchair paid for by NHS, not a scooter, because I can't walk.

Sadly it isn't always that easy. My wife is paralysed from the waist down, she also has limited use of her arms, she cannot for example lift a mug of tea. So despite the fact that she can only use a powered chair the NHS will only fund a manual chair for her, so we have to buy them ourselves.

Can't afford to stay in a relationship

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