OS ways and Poor Health

Emptynester · 19 September 2016 at 8:12PM

Oceanspirit thanks for the idea of the thick carrier bag to aid getting out of the car. I don't need help with that at the moment and hope I will be better going forward but if I have a flare up that idea will be really helpful. I will be missing for a few days as I am going to stay with my daughter for a couple of nights to help out. The 'helping' is a bit of literary licence. She has a young baby and can do with the help but I really struggle to pick him up and suffer for it afterwards. Happily she accepts my limitations better than I do and says she likes to have my company.
See you good folks at the end of the week all being well.

monnagran · 19 September 2016 at 8:58PM

I am still reading along and still marvelling at how you are all coping with your various illnesses and disabilities. You are a resourceful and brave group.

TMD. My heart goes out to you. You really need some practical support and I wonder if you could tell us which area of the country you live so people who also live in that area could tell you of any groups or organisations who could help you. You don't need to be too specific but I do know, for instance, that some places have groups of folk who will help with gardening, shopping or simple household repairs. They will do it for anyone who needs help, not just the elderly.

Can I also back up what LW says about FlyLady. I would suggest you go on to her FlyLady.net site. Sorry I don't do links. I still look at her "Sneak Peeks for the Week", a ten minute job to do on every day.
I started by reading her book, Sink Reflections. I found it made perfect sense, if a bit twee in places. The FlyLady thread here frightened me to death but FlyLady's own site is much more understandable.
If you could get your children involved in some of her simple routines it would make their, and your, lives much simpler.

That's about all I can suggest, although I have just realised that I have a spare copy of "Sink Reflections". If you would like it and PM me your address I would be pleased to send it to you.

x

ariarnia · 19 September 2016 at 10:34PM

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

I'm not feeling any better. I've come down with a cold and sore throat, it's that time of the month and I just want to cry.

I'm sorry to hear you're still feeling grotty - I took a half day today and came home at lunch to just go straight to bed, so I can completely sympathise.

I can't help with the rest of your post, but can I recommend a combination of lucozade (or generic sports drink) and paracetamol for the cold/sore throat?

My lovely OH (who's keeping the kids out of the way while mommy is a grouchy bear) is a pharmacist and has always said it's a combination that's miles better than either the 'cold and flu' style cure-alls or my usual fall back to mainlining coffee.

I just have to be compos mentis for a 4 hour long meeting tomorrow, so will be fortifying myself and dreaming of my bed...

Toomuchdebt · 20 September 2016 at 12:36AM

It's been another tough day today, not helped my an MOT failure. The garage quoted me £345 for part of the work-it also needed a new tyre, lamp and brakes. So i thanked them and went elsewhere. Bought the parts myself, got the new tyre put on, and my Dad's friend who is a retired mechanic will do the rest. Still not cheap and I've had to raid my Christmas savings, but thank goodness I had savings to raid!
I've been trying to pinpoint why dd2 leaving has affected me so much more than dd1. I think partly it's because of my illness, but partly because I just get on so well with dd2. I think it's also occurred to me just how lonely I'm going to be once they've all gone off to uni/got jobs/ are no longer at home. I don't have many real life friends you see.
I'm in Cheltenham(someone asked but I can't remember who)
I did ask everyone I could think of about the garden but all said no.
I tried flylady several hundred years ago(ok about 15) and just couldn't keep up. Also I am a bit of a hoarder and find it very hard to throw things away, so my house is cluttered.
I have discovered I don't like change much. I love technology but find myself thinking back to my childhood more and more often, and my teenage and young adult years and wishing things were more like they were then.
I'm a little concerned about myself as I don't feel my mood is lifting at all. I can't take any antidepressants as they all make me feel suicidal(tried a few different ones and won't be repeating the experience any time soon). I'm finding myself comfort eating especially around now when the kids have all gone to bed. I feel horribly close to tears all the time.Even writing that made my eyes leak a little. I don't want to go to bed. I don't know why-can't pinpoint it. I don't want to stay up either-it's too quiet. Sigh.
I have a horrible feeling this is going to cause a flare up. My pain has been much worse the last few days and I feel very stiff especially in my neck and back. Maybe it's just stress.
Oh someone asked if I'd been in touch with any groups-no I haven't. That means I have to acknowledge that I have fibro. I think I haven't fully accepted it yet.

lessonlearned · 20 September 2016 at 12:48AM

TMD. Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

I know we are not supposed to give medical advice so I wont:D

However.........

Have you looked at the Paleo Diet - Google the links for fibromyalgia and how the Paleo diet can help.

I won't say any more because I don't want to flout MSE rules :rotfl:

monnagran · 20 September 2016 at 4:38AM

Oh, you poor darling. It seems as though you have really hit rock bottom. All I can suggest is that you listen to your body, it knows what you need. If it tells you to wrap yourself up on the sofa do that. If it tells you to eat chocolate buttons, do that.
You have to be your own best friend.
I know how difficult it must be when you still have the responsibility of quite young children. I also know all about that bottomless dark pit of despair and the loneliness of it all.

I am too far away to give you practical help but will hold you in my prayers.
Keep spilling out your feelings here, it helps to get things out of your head.

Gentle hugs.

x

[Deleted User] · 20 September 2016 at 7:24AM

TMD you are at the bottom of that pit and the only way now is up. You did a great job with dd, you have cut the apron strings and are letting her fly as an adult. She will be back over and over, always having added to what you have already taught her. Try and look on this time now as a relatively short time of freedom, when you can start nest building for yourself, allowing the energy to flow in your home. De-cluttering is key and once that starts then magically you will start to feel better. Just be slow and do a counted number of things today, whatever you can cope with. Morning might well be best, then reward yourself by watching a film on tv this afternoon.

My legs always feel heavy by bedtime, so I have ordered some 60 denier compression tights. Its about time I wore a skirt again, I haven`t worn one for a year. I really don`t like my legs, goes back over 50 years when I was called thunder thighs, even though I was slim and active. Amazing how what someone says can stay with you psychologically

pollyanna_26 · 20 September 2016 at 9:36AM

Welcome to OCEANSPIRIT thank you for the dycem mention . I had forgotten about that and will dig out the half roll in a cupboard somewhere .
TMD All medication will have initial side effects before it begins to help you . I don't want to push you but you do need to see your gp and tell her everything . I was one who mainly resisted meds for years as I react badly to them but as I posted earlier I regret it now as I would have less physical damage had I taken them .
Your gp will be able to point you in the way of support as it sounds as though you need it now .
Try to shift your mindset to what small things you can do to make your daughter proud of you . She will be worried about you so a few pro-active things now can ease her mind and yours .
At the moment I would get a doctors appointment , apart from meds some councilling may be helpful .
Make a simple meal plan . I assume most of the children eat at school , that leaves you with a simple breakfast and an evening meal to sort .
Early days yet but re the hoarding many charities will collect items suitable for their shops large and small with no charge .
Don't look years ahead thinking you will be alone , that is way in the far future and many things can change .
Wishing you well .
polly x

Toomuchdebt · 20 September 2016 at 9:48AM

Yes thankfully they all eat at school(free meals) so if they have to they can have sandwiches or beans on toast. I think mornings are just such a rush that it makes it stressful-cats need feeding, dog needs feeding, kids want feeding. I lost it this morning.The 2 older ones took forever to get dressed and come down to help me and I just burst out crying and shouting about how horrible they were being. I feel guilty about it now but honestly the 2 older ones are happy to live in a pigsty and won't do anything unless I ask them to, literally one job at a time, and even then they will do it so sloppily that I could scream. And then they expect me to buy them things and generally do what they want. Well dd3 has had her phone taken away and replaced with an old one that doesn't have internet on it. Dd4 had hers taken away a month ago for lying and her behaviour isn't any better so she hasn't had it back.
I've managed to wash up and put a load of washing on,but ran out of steam so am having a cup of tea.
Re the antidepressants-I've taken several types for between 4-6 weeks and they all affect me the same way. Contraceptive pills are the same-I can't take any of them except Marvelon and that I'm not allowed to have because my BP is too high. Not that I need them at the moment anyway, being single and all.
I need to change the throws on the sofa. Just working up the energy to do those.

Larumbelle · 20 September 2016 at 10:23AM

TMD :grouphug: I can relate to antidepressants making you feel a lot worse. I have tried them all, some of them multiple times, and have never found one that works for me.

As medical advice is against the rules, all I will say is, speak to your doctor about it. Properly. Book a double or even a triple appointment, have it all written down (give them the letter to read while you are in there if necessary). Maybe ask if your practise has a GP who has mental health expertise or a particular 'interest' in it? Mine does, and they are far more helpful than the other GPs there, who are sympathetic and supportive but just don't 'get it' in the same way.

There are other medications that might be able to help you that are not antidepressants. For example, If you find that you have a lot of stress and anxiety there are meds that can help with that - for me, that made a huge difference.

Your GP can also get you referred for counselling. Sometimes if there is a specific underlying cause to your depression they can access a specialist service, so if there is, mention it. I hated counselling at first but it really does help. If nothing else you can unburden yourself to someone unbiased and non-judgemental. Often I will just rant away and my counsellor will ask a few questions but otherwise let me go off on one. It won't be until later that I realise she has actually been quite clever and just those few questions will have given me a different perspective and changed my way of thinking. Pain management clinics are also out there, so ask for a referral if you think it might be of benefit.

Your GP should also be able to refer you to others who might be able to assist you - support workers, Community Psych team or voluntary organisations who might be able to help. You have to get a referral for many of these, and again, it helps if it is a GP who is interested in mental health as the others might not even be aware of them.

If they don't listen, or don't understand, change GP. You deserve better!

I know this is easier said than done, boy do I know it. I find it incredibly difficult myself. Do you have a friend or family member you can take along with you for support?

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