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  • FIRST POST
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 21st Dec 17, 3:48 AM
    • 37Posts
    • 5Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    ASD and Appointee
    • #1
    • 21st Dec 17, 3:48 AM
    ASD and Appointee 21st Dec 17 at 3:48 AM
    Hello

    I'm not sure whether this is the right section or not, but I require some help/input.

    I'm Autistic (ASD) and my mother is my carer and appointee - she receives ESA and DLA/PIP on my behalf.
    My relationship with my mother has deteriorated over the last year after I discovered she hadn't been entirely upfront about my benefits since I had started claiming ESA back in 2011.

    During the application process for ESA (Autumn 2010), my mother said I'd be receiving a small monthly allowance out of my ESA. However, every time it was discussed after that initial statement, the number was cut in half. Eventually that was forgotten about until September 2011 when I finally questioned why I had yet to receive the money she was suppose to be allocating me. From that time I started receiving £20 a month out of my ESA.
    Over the new few years, she kept telling me how expensive I am to keep, and how she's out of pocket because I don't leave the house often (due to psychological distress), I run up more utility and food bills than anyone else in my household.

    In 2014 my mom started to miss giving me my £20/month allowance. At first it was a few months here and there, but then it ultimately stopped.
    Going forwards, I had to become reliant on money from grandparents for pay for things like clothes and shoes.

    In the Spring of this year I discovered my benefits (ESA specifically) was a lot higher than I was previously led to believe. My mother who prides herself on treating all her children equally had been receiving £720/m on my behalf, whilst asking my siblings for £200/m for they're board.

    A few weeks after my discovery, I confronted my mom about why she had been receiving that sort of money on my behalf, and providing very little for the amount of money. This led to an argument where she effectively said I need to start looking for somewhere else to live, because I said I didn't believe that amount of money she is receiving for my care is justified by the small amount of additional care that I do receive from her. She offered to help start the process into looking for somewhere else to live, and would transfer my benefits over into my name. However, she gave me a draft letter that she intended to send to the DWP saying I was capable things I'm not, and that would be damaging to my PIP transition in the near future. She then proceeded to ignore me.
    After a few weeks of being ignored,, things had cooled down, and she agreed to start giving me a monthly allowance again, but significantly higher.

    During September I had my PIP home assessment. Whilst I'm aware I was successful in my claim, I have yet to actually be informed/updated on my DLA>PIP status.

    In October the subject was brought up again. I asked for slightly more money so i could start becoming a bit more financially responsible for myself/my needs. This led to me being told I no longer have a home, and to remove myself from her house. This is something I perceived to be a bluff. Instead I was ignored for nearly 3 weeks.

    Last week I asked for my NI number to confirm my identity on a website. She was reluctant to give it, and began to insinuate that I was up to devious things, despite me explaining that I needed it to confirm my identity. This made her paranoid that I was up to something, despite being transparent with the reason I needed it.
    On Tuesday morning I was woken up to her asking me if I had been messing around with my PIP because it hadn't been paid into her account.

    And now we come to today... I asked her if I was going to be receiving my Christmas bonus this year (this is the first year I've even known about it). This led to an argument and my telling her a few home truths (I insinuated that she has been financially exploiting me).

    She has since thrown me out, and I'm currently at my grandparents house. She has made threats to get the police involved if I try to return home. She's apparently called them saying I've been emotionally and domestically abusive towards her, and that Social Services are getting involved to say I'm more capable than I've made myself out to be.

    So I guess my question is: What are my options?

    If I apply for something like supported living, would that affect my benefits?

    Can I have my benefits in my name, and receive the necessary support for the administration side of things (filling in future forms, attending assessments)?
Page 5
    • Ames
    • By Ames 3rd Jan 18, 3:26 PM
    • 16,723 Posts
    • 29,258 Thanks
    Ames
    Do they mean that social services have to liaise with the police to arrange an escort?
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 3rd Jan 18, 5:16 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    No idea. Not something I really want to pursue. I'm hoping my mother will be reasonable enough to allow me and a friend to go collect my belongings without any need for an escort.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 3rd Jan 18, 7:53 PM
    • 15,612 Posts
    • 39,388 Thanks
    elsien
    It is possible there may be a little bit of buck-passing going on. Or that at the moment you're falling between the two.

    Police would generally only be involved if you were concerned about your safety or there was likely to be a breach of the peace. Otherwise you getting your belongings back is a civil matter and not anything to do with them.
    Social services may be involved if there was a safeguarding and it was decided as part of any plan you shouldn't go there on your own. But you're not at that point yet.

    Is there a family member or friend who would be able to go with you and help mediate with your mum? That might be a quicker option.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • nicetomeetyou
    • By nicetomeetyou 3rd Jan 18, 8:32 PM
    • 52 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    nicetomeetyou
    Have social services made any plans about helping you with support yet?

    I know when social services become involved with me somebody reported me to them and they came around my bungalow and did a assessment but criteria was much easier to obtain back in 2010. I know with funding cuts the criteria has changed plus within the learning disability team I'm under it's a more consistent level of support because some services if only sort-term support.
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 3rd Jan 18, 9:37 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    My friend tried to contact my mom to organise collecting my belongings, but she ended up blocking contact with him.
    I'm trying to organise it myself through my sister, but my mom is insistent on going through social services.

    Social services haven't offered any support as of yet; they just keep saying it's a waiting game. Hopefully getting a referral from my GP will help things next week.
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 5th Jan 18, 1:00 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    Apparently my things will be boxed up and delivered to me. I'm a bit concerned as I have a few expensive items I don't believe my family would take financial responsibility for if damaged or broken.

    Other than that, I don't have anything to update about, except that I've got the flu.
    • w06
    • By w06 6th Jan 18, 11:01 AM
    • 422 Posts
    • 659 Thanks
    w06
    That might be the least unpleasant way of getting your things back, it might be that you have to end up accepting that you won't get them all back, hopefully your Mum will do the decent thing though.

    Sorry to hear you've the flu, keep warm and make sure to drink plenty of fluids (water, pop, squash type things).

    This is going to take a while to sort out and get yourself back on track, but it will be worth it, keep pottering on OP, you'll get there
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 9th Jan 18, 10:02 AM
    • 37 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    My doctors appointment is tomorrow morning. What kind of information do I need to give them?
    • Ames
    • By Ames 9th Jan 18, 5:59 PM
    • 16,723 Posts
    • 29,258 Thanks
    Ames
    My doctors appointment is tomorrow morning. What kind of information do I need to give them?
    Originally posted by MyLonelyWorld
    Just give them a quick explanation of what's happened. That you've had to move to your grandma's because of financial abuse from your mum. Tell them what your mum's been doing. Explain that you've tried to contact social services but they're being slow. Tell the GP that you have no access to money until social services and the DWP sort out another appointee for you, and that you can't keep living at your grandmas and so you're homeless. Ask the GP if they can refer you to social services and if there are any other organisations that can help to support you.

    Your GP will ask any questions they need to.

    Are you going on your own or will you have someone there with you? If you're alone, ask your GP to write down the main points of anything that's been decided, so you don't forget.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • w06
    • By w06 9th Jan 18, 6:53 PM
    • 422 Posts
    • 659 Thanks
    w06
    As Ames says explain how things have been and are now, and that you're struggling to access support services and wondered if they had any way of helping with that. That you're feeling lost as to what to do next because of how you've been treated by your Mum.

    Make sure they know how bad it has been and for how long.

    It may be that they can't directly do anything to help you, but they might be able to help you to access the right help via other people.

    I hope that they're able to help you find the right support
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 10th Jan 18, 11:34 AM
    • 37 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    My doctor is going to put in a referral to social services. She also advised I book an appointment with someone who visits the doctors surgery once a month for social responsibility or something like that.

    We also received a call from social services this morning. Not a lot was said, but we have been given a phone number for an advocacy service.
    • w06
    • By w06 10th Jan 18, 11:57 AM
    • 422 Posts
    • 659 Thanks
    w06
    Well done, that's another step to getting things sorted, keep going you'll get there
    • MyLonelyWorld
    • By MyLonelyWorld 10th Jan 18, 12:57 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MyLonelyWorld
    ESA has successfully been transferred into my name and bank account. Expecting a one off payment later today or tomorrow.
    • w06
    • By w06 10th Jan 18, 2:49 PM
    • 422 Posts
    • 659 Thanks
    w06
    That is good news.

    Are you comfortable seeing how you get on managing it for now?

    You sounds pretty smart you probably will manage it, just need to put safeguards in place to make it hard to overspend - things like setting up a savings account and transferring money between the two so that you've limited what's available readily to spend
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