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  • FIRST POST
    • kittie
    • By kittie 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    • 11,144Posts
    • 62,179Thanks
    kittie
    A support thread for the bereaved
    • #1
    • 27th Feb 15, 5:29 AM
    A support thread for the bereaved 27th Feb 15 at 5:29 AM
    I started the thread when I was very suddenly widowed, early 2015. Since then in 20 months I have lost another two much loved family members, so I have been through the mill, everything looked so very bleak at the start of my journey

    Please use the thread if you need help in coping with a close bereavement. That is exactly why the thread was started
    Last edited by kittie; 08-05-2017 at 7:06 AM.
Page 197
    • minerva57
    • By minerva57 3rd Oct 17, 1:32 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    minerva57
    Getting on with it
    Hi
    I am a member of the Jolly Dollies and we are a quite active group but we have to organise things for ourselves and of the 40 plus in my area . (I organise walks, lunches and a book club plus outings. Others do coffee mornings and bowling ) only half of those listed in my area actually come along. The rest don't even have the good manners to reply to those invites. You can only take a horse to water they say -
    keep you chin up .
    • wort
    • By wort 5th Oct 17, 2:36 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 6,563 Thanks
    wort
    Wild and blustery day today hope all is well with everyone.
    Sorted going back to work, next Tues, I rearranged with work to have holiday owing on 13th for a week as I'm getting my foot injected and need to rest it.which means I'll only be doing 2 days before I'm off for a week, I'm hoping that will give me time to see most people, and get over the initial sympathy talks.
    Having a bit of a trying time with my Internet playing up since I switched to bt in July, I've chatted via live chat, and done all the things ,I was asked. But it's made no use, so they are sending an engineer! Which could end costing me £129. Pounds (sigh)
    Also my stick dyson is playing up only working intermittently! After reading up on it I've thoroughly took it apart and cleaned it, I'm just waiting for the filter to dry before re trying it, fingers crossed, I only got it at Xmas!
    On the up side my new sofa is being delivered on sat, for my conservatory, we had a roof put on and plastered last October, also took off the patio doors and threshold from the kitchen into there, and put normal glass doors on and took the same laminate flooring all the way through. The sofa was the next job, so although I need to cut back, I wanted to get it finished like we planned.
    The old sofa needs to go to tip, I'm hoping it will fit in daughters car!!
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • elona
    • By elona 5th Oct 17, 4:16 PM
    • 11,203 Posts
    • 59,425 Thanks
    elona
    wort

    Good luck with your return to work and with the foot treatment.

    I have just cleared up a bit more in the integral garage and it is starting to be easier to find things and look a bit clearer. The house has just been given a clean and I got a hand to change all the bedding as well.

    The weekend looks very busy so I am trying to pace myself so I can enjoy having family round and a seaside trip on Saturday.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 5th Oct 17, 7:14 PM
    • 37,733 Posts
    • 34,079 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    also took off the patio doors and threshold from the kitchen into there, and put normal glass doors on and took the same laminate flooring all the way through.
    Originally posted by wort
    when you say 'normal' glass doors, I hope it's safety glass! Had a toddler put his head through a glass door once, not a pretty sight. Had never thought it wouldn't be safety glass!
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 1 shawl, 2 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure, 1 sock ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, t'other sock (just about to turn the heel!)
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 6th Oct 17, 10:16 AM
    • 676 Posts
    • 1,210 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    when you say 'normal' glass doors, I hope it's safety glass! Had a toddler put his head through a glass door once, not a pretty sight. Had never thought it wouldn't be safety glass!
    Originally posted by Savvy_Sue
    I had this experience as well. Son fell and put his head through the glass, the horrific thing was 5ft of glass hanging above him and jagged pieces below. I just wanted to pull him through before he was guillotined but had to be calm or I could have cut his throat. I still have this vision of a parallel universe where the glass fell.................
    • wort
    • By wort 6th Oct 17, 8:36 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 6,563 Thanks
    wort
    Gosh ! Yes it's safety glass, I meant normal as opposed to big chunky patio doors, the threshold always had people falling over it!!

    Thank you Elona, I'm more worried about the return to work than the foot injection! I've had it before and wasn't too bad.

    It looks like the sofa needs breaking up to get in the car, so it's in my tidy garage till my brother calls tomorrow to saw it up.

    Decided to cancel engineer, and my nephew will look at router first, I can't afford to pay £129. If they say it's my fault!
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • iris
    • By iris 7th Oct 17, 7:26 AM
    • 1,085 Posts
    • 3,361 Thanks
    iris
    Morning wort.

    Good luck with your return to work and with the foot treatment.

    Re your problem with BT internet - I am with BT and recently had a problem. I spoke to someone in their Bereavement department and they were so helpful and sorted everything out for me. They followed up with phone calls and any charges incurred were refunded (although this needed to be ok-ed by a supervisor). They also sorted out a cheaper deal for me.

    Hope the above information is helpful and that you soon get your internet sorted.
    • wort
    • By wort 8th Oct 17, 9:24 AM
    • 369 Posts
    • 6,563 Thanks
    wort
    Thank you Iris, I'll bear that in mind, I'll see if my nephew will call round first, then hopefully avoiding all the phone calls.
    At the moment it feels like one thing after another, and I still want to get everything in order before going back to work! Maybe so I have somewhere to come back to after a day in work that needs no thought or worry, sort of a haven a the end of the day where I can let go .. If that makes sense???

    My lovely friends are coming round shortly to take me out for a spa day- as their treat to me, so here's to a relaxing day for all .x
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 8th Oct 17, 4:19 PM
    • 676 Posts
    • 1,210 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Lovely friends indeed, hope the spa day is lovely.
    • elona
    • By elona 9th Oct 17, 9:01 AM
    • 11,203 Posts
    • 59,425 Thanks
    elona
    wort

    I hope you enjoyed the day and it gave you a boost. My two youngest dds are doing the same thing today and yesterday and were anticipating it eagerly.

    I am going to U3A in York this afternoon to see a silent film classic and will try to pick up a prescription on the way as I keep forgetting to pick them up and I like to be a few weeks ahead if I can.

    Hug to all
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • wort
    • By wort 9th Oct 17, 3:30 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 6,563 Thanks
    wort
    I had a lovely day at the spa, my wonderful friends paid for everything ,meals ,mud treatment, I didn't even pay for a drink! We arrived back after 8 PM, and my kind friend even got out of the car and came in with me, to make sure I was alright. I managed to stay awake for Victoria, though my eyelids were heavy. Then went to bed , I didn't get off straight away but slept well apart from a couple of hot flushes! Only getting up at 10 am! !!!
    Today I've cleaned and changed bedding, made sure my uniform is ironed ready for work, shoes clean and packed lunch ready. I'm feeling nervous, which seems ridiculous.
    Dgson is coming after school for tea, and is sleeping so we'll get up and ready together , I can even walk with him to school as it's on way for me to work, and I only need to be there for 9.30.
    Elona hope you had a good day also, I haven't watched a film in ages.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • elona
    • By elona 9th Oct 17, 7:28 PM
    • 11,203 Posts
    • 59,425 Thanks
    elona
    wort

    I had a really good day thanks. It was a film from the 1920's and quite a change of pace from the speed and action in modern films.

    I did not manage to get my prescription filled as I tried two different branches of B**ts while I was in York with no success so will try again tomorrow once my grocery delivery arrives.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • wort
    • By wort 11th Oct 17, 9:52 AM
    • 369 Posts
    • 6,563 Thanks
    wort
    I hope everyone is well.
    I was allowed to work backstage in the stockroom yesterday, so avoided too much interaction with people, but it involved quite heavy lifting etc. So I came home aching and tired, had an early night, and woke early too, I'm hoping to get into a better sleep routine.
    That may be difficult tonight though ,as I'm going to the pub quiz with my sisters, which only starts at 9.30pm!
    I managed to fix the dyson !!!! And the outside light that my brother in law , replaced for me when hubby was in hospital, has suddenly righted itself and now also seems to work properly. !! The light was staying on all day after it clicked on at dusk, it s a pir light so should of turned itself off. Bil replaced and the replacement still did it, so we replaced again , and it still did it. I resorted to switching it off every morning , but very often forgot so it was on all day. So I turned it off for a week or more, then the other night I went in the garage, switched it on as the switch is in there. Then in the morning it had gone off.
    Weird* but glad it's working.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 11th Oct 17, 11:43 AM
    • 676 Posts
    • 1,210 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    I hope everyone is well.
    I was allowed to work backstage in the stockroom yesterday, so avoided too much interaction with people, but it involved quite heavy lifting etc. So I came home aching and tired, had an early night, and woke early too, I'm hoping to get into a better sleep routine.
    That may be difficult tonight though ,as I'm going to the pub quiz with my sisters, which only starts at 9.30pm!
    I managed to fix the dyson !!!! And the outside light that my brother in law , replaced for me when hubby was in hospital, has suddenly righted itself and now also seems to work properly. !! The light was staying on all day after it clicked on at dusk, it s a pir light so should of turned itself off. Bil replaced and the replacement still did it, so we replaced again , and it still did it. I resorted to switching it off every morning , but very often forgot so it was on all day. So I turned it off for a week or more, then the other night I went in the garage, switched it on as the switch is in there. Then in the morning it had gone off.
    Weird* but glad it's working.
    Originally posted by wort
    Sounds like alot of positive stuff going on. Well done on fixing the Dyson.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 11th Oct 17, 6:40 PM
    • 1,401 Posts
    • 2,546 Thanks
    jaybee
    Oh dear! Today has been a bad day. Stupidly I thought I would be able to assemble a flat-pack desk. Err . . . no. Apparently I cannot follow instructions and failed at Stage 2. Fortunately I have found a Man Who Can who will come and do it for me. That will be next week sometime.

    I thought I was doing okay until I had a 'phone call this evening from the Critical Care After Care Team to check up on me and see if I was coping alright. Well, I thought I was until she asked. Cue falling apart again. I know it's 'normal' etc. but it really struck a raw nerve this evening. Mostly I am very much struggling with thoughts and feelings and things that were or weren't said. I'm sure you all have been there and understand what I mean.
    Tomorrow will be a better day . . .
    • elona
    • By elona 11th Oct 17, 8:20 PM
    • 11,203 Posts
    • 59,425 Thanks
    elona
    jaybee

    Hugs even if only virtual. You are doing well even if you don't feel it and I hope that tomorrow is better for you.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 12th Oct 17, 2:16 AM
    • 1,401 Posts
    • 2,546 Thanks
    jaybee
    Thank you Elona. Deep down I do know that things will get better but I think a lot of is that I have always been the one who can cope with everything. Right now that isn't the case and I don't even feel that I want to cop any more. Yes, I can smile and carry on with things on the surface but, like the proverbial swan, I am seen to be calm on the surface but peddling like mad underneath. This really is the hardest thing . . .

    Reading about how you are all coping and getting on with it gives me strength.
    • wort
    • By wort 12th Oct 17, 9:43 AM
    • 369 Posts
    • 6,563 Thanks
    wort
    Jaybee, it's very hard isn't it ,we all understand though and are sending love to you.
    Just now I'd been thinking wether or not he knew he was dying, as we didn't tell him, and I struggled to say what I wanted to say, it never seemed enough .
    You will have all these things go through your head, remind yourself it's normal, and let the grief out.
    I hope today you are feeling better ,and got some rest. X
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 12th Oct 17, 1:12 PM
    • 4,502 Posts
    • 10,400 Thanks
    itsanne
    Thank you Elona. Deep down I do know that things will get better but I think a lot of is that I have always been the one who can cope with everything. Right now that isn't the case and I don't even feel that I want to cop any more. Yes, I can smile and carry on with things on the surface but, like the proverbial swan, I am seen to be calm on the surface but peddling like mad underneath. This really is the hardest thing . . .

    Reading about how you are all coping and getting on with it gives me strength.
    Originally posted by jaybee
    Unfortunately, the peddling like mad underneath is normal and this is very hard. If you think about it you understand that it is bound to be hard, but nothing prepares you for the reality. However, it does become more manageable. (I didn't like that word when it was first suggested, but it probably describes how it is pretty well.)

    You'll also still have 'bad' days, sometimes for no reason you can fathom, but there will be more 'good' days and you'll be more confident that the bad ones won't stay. Gradually you'll feel like a 'coper' again.

    In the meantime, try not to overdo things. This is surprisingly tiring, not just because of difficulty sleeping, and it's easy to become exhausted. Being over-tired makes it harder to manage.

    I hope today is one of the 'easier' ones.
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 12th Oct 17, 1:16 PM
    • 4,502 Posts
    • 10,400 Thanks
    itsanne
    Jaybee, it's very hard isn't it ,we all understand though and are sending love to you.
    Just now I'd been thinking wether or not he knew he was dying, as we didn't tell him, and I struggled to say what I wanted to say, it never seemed enough .
    You will have all these things go through your head, remind yourself it's normal, and let the grief out.
    I hope today you are feeling better ,and got some rest. X
    Originally posted by wort
    Wort, struggling to say what you wanted to say means that you did say enough - he'll have known what you were trying to say. Try not to beat yourself up about the 'right' words - there aren't any.
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
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