Would this will make me an awful person?

Hello,

I'm beginning the process of looking at wills for myself and DH but I've got a bit of a dilemma.

Despite being together decades, our finances are still very separate. We have a joint account for house, bills etc but we hold separate accounts for everything else and generally go 50/50 on any other bits. Maybe weird to some but it's always worked for us and I'm extremely proud of being financially independent.

We have no children though, and this is where we have the dilemma. If one of us dies, whatever 'estate' we have goes to the other until they die. Fair enough.

But at that point, when both of us are dead, then what? Neither of our parents need the money, if they are even still living at that point.

I'd like for the estate to be split 50/50 and for 'my' half to be shared between my nieces/nephew (x3) and for his 'half' to be shared between his nieces/nephews (x12). The reason for this isn't because I don't love them any less - I adore them all - but on his side of the family, let's just say money will never be an issue, whereas on mine it will be and the money we leave them could seriously positively impact my DN's lives.

But does this make me a horrible person? I don't want there to be any resentment and I love them all. I'm so torn!
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  • Yorkshireman99
    Yorkshireman99 Posts: 5,470 Forumite
    edited 19 April 2017 at 10:12AM
    Rosie1978 wrote: »
    Hello,

    I'm beginning the process of looking at wills for myself and DH but I've got a bit of a dilemma.

    Despite being together decades, our finances are still very separate. We have a joint account for house, bills etc but we hold separate accounts for everything else and generally go 50/50 on any other bits. Maybe weird to some but it's always worked for us and I'm extremely proud of being financially independent.

    We have no children though, and this is where we have the dilemma. If one of us dies, whatever 'estate' we have goes to the other until they die. Fair enough.

    But at that point, when both of us are dead, then what? Neither of our parents need the money, if they are even still living at that point.

    I'd like for the estate to be split 50/50 and for 'my' half to be shared between my nieces/nephew (x3) and for his 'half' to be shared between his nieces/nephews (x12). The reason for this isn't because I don't love them any less - I adore them all - but on his side of the family, let's just say money will never be an issue, whereas on mine it will be and the money we leave them could seriously positively impact my DN's lives.

    But does this make me a horrible person? I don't want there to be any resentment and I love them all. I'm so torn!
    It does not make you a horrible person! In fact you are being very sensible and caring. Well done you! You are entitled to do as you wish with your will. You really need to have a discussion with your DH and decide what you both want to do. Unfortunately legacies brings out the worst in some relatives. You both need to make wills that cover the various eventualities and any decent solicitor should be able to do this. You can also eave letters to be kept with the wills explaining your choice of heirs. This should greatly reduce the possibility of any challenges to the wills in future. Also remember that wills need to be reviewed and if need be updated at least every five years as circumstances can change.
  • Brighty
    Brighty Posts: 755 Forumite
    Don't think that makes you an awful person, it's what i'd do.

    What you need to make sure of though, is you don't leave your half to your partner in your will, otherwise, if you die first, the whole lot would go to whoever is in his will, which he could easily change after you're gone, or he could remarry and his new wife gets the lot. Your will cannot control what he does with your half if you leave it to him.

    First, make sure the house is owned as tenants in common and not joint tenants, otherwise it will automatically go to your partner and not as per your will. If it is currently 'joint tenants' it's easy enough to 'sever' the joint tenancy to make it tenants in common, just fill in land registry form 'SEV'

    Then, make a will leaving everything (or just your half the house if you want cash/belongings to go to partner) to your nieces/nephew, but with a 'life interest' for your partner, so if you go first, they can keep living there until they die, at which point your nieces/nephews get their share. You can also stipulate they get their share should partner remarry, or move or downsize if you wish.

    Your partner then make a similar will, leaving everything to his nieces/nephews, with the same 'life interest' for you

    Brighty
  • Rosie1978
    Rosie1978 Posts: 123 Forumite
    Ahhhhh thank you very much - this seems a lot simpler than I was hoping and thank you for your kind words!

    Now to save up to get a will properly written out by a solicitor! And to decide who on earth will be executor! I'm not being morbid, I just think it's a good idea to get these things sorted.

    Thanks again!
  • Manxman_in_exile
    Manxman_in_exile Posts: 8,380
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    edited 19 April 2017 at 12:03PM
    OP - my wife and I are in a similar situation to yourselves (no children) and we have already had wills executed doing exactly what you contemplate, distributing assets to various nieces and nephews.


    It makes you a very sensible person (but I suppose I would say that, wouldn't I!)


    EDIT: I should add that we had long and frank discussions about doing this before getting the wills done. Also, because we recognised that each of us had contributed in different proportions (60:40) to our joint assets, the final distribution to our respective nieces and nephews reflects this. (ie one set of nieces and nephews will get 50% more than the others).
  • kathrynha
    kathrynha Posts: 2,469
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    It makes sense, and it's your money to do with what you want. Anyway, doesn't matter if people think you're an awful person, you'll be dead by the time people find out what is in your will unless yo chose to tell them now
    Zebras rock
  • Tammykitty
    Tammykitty Posts: 1,005
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    We are in a similar situation too, but have no nieces and nephews either!


    At the minute we don't have a will as we are happy with the intestate rules
  • Tammykitty wrote: »
    We are in a similar situation too, but have no nieces and nephews either!


    At the minute we don't have a will as we are happy with the intestate rules
    The only problem with the intestacy rules is it could end up going to the government and it may be difficult and costly to administer. Please consider a local hospice or the RNLI that have a good reputation for low overheads as well as being good causes.
  • Keep_pedalling
    Keep_pedalling Posts: 16,438
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    Tammykitty wrote: »
    We are in a similar situation too, but have no nieces and nephews either!


    At the minute we don't have a will as we are happy with the intestate rules

    That is bonkers, surely you have causes or charities you would prefer your assets to eventually go to rather than long lost, never met, relatives or the government.
  • ThePants999
    ThePants999 Posts: 1,748
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    I'm sorry, OP, but this isn't nearly as simple as has been implied so far - because you said this.
    Rosie1978 wrote: »
    We have no children though, and this is where we have the dilemma. If one of us dies, whatever 'estate' we have goes to the other until they die.
    This greatly complicates things. There isn't a simple "two-stage" process, whereby you can say "my money goes to my husband while he's alive, and then to my family when he dies". If you leave your money to your family, they get it as soon as you die, whether he's alive or not. If you leave your money to your husband, he gets it when you die, and what happens to it when he dies is entirely governed by HIS will.

    You should get a solicitor's advice, but there are generally two approaches:
    - Trusts/life interests. You can leave your half of the house, for example, to your nieces and nephews, but with a clause that says your husband can live in it for the rest of his life. You could leave your money in trust for them, with the interest going to him (but he'd have no access to the capital.)
    - Mirror wills, where you each leave your estate to the other if survived, or the whole lot to your families in an agreed split if not. This can achieve precisely what you want, i.e. your husband gets your share if he survives you, and then your 50% gets split between your family when he dies. However, it would require a massive amount of trust on your part, because after you die, absolutely nothing but his conscience would prevent him from changing his will to do whatever he likes - your family may never see a penny.
  • jackyann
    jackyann Posts: 3,433 Forumite
    Sounds like you know what you want to happen, but you haven't yet discussed it with your OH. Legally, you don't need to, but you definitely do from a relationship point of view.
    You definitely need a solicitor, but it will save time and money if you have already agreed what you want the outcome to be. What you have described is slightly complicated, but fairly common, and a solicitor will discuss the best way of achieving this (some of which will depend on the size of your assets)
    I will add my usual caveat when the 'life interest in the property' is mentioned. Make sure that the property can be sold and another one purchased, within that. Otherwise you end up in the position where the surviving spouse is stuck in an unsuitable house.

    Well done for thinking well ahead.
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