Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    RebekahR
    Divorce after 5 years seperation
    • #1
    • 6th May 10, 10:21 PM
    Divorce after 5 years seperation 6th May 10 at 10:21 PM
    Hello Guys,

    Just doing a bit of research on behalf of my dad. My mum left 8 years ago when having an affair and commit adultary. She lives with this other man and has always pleaded guilty Silly mare ...

    Dad tried to divorce her after the 5 years and it went lengthy and messy. She brought up things accusing him of rape and child abuse issues towards me which although are true I was horrified to find she had used me to get at him!!

    Due to her and her man living on benefits she got a certain amount free for their solicitor, after this her man was "representing" her.

    When the rape stuff came up dad dropped the case.

    They have since moved into the same town and are causing a bigger rift in the family than was there already and trying to get back in. Basically no doubt with the main aim of getting dads money. They are always asking for favours and only contact us when they want anything.

    Any ways moving aside ... dad wants rid of her and them. He doesn't want her bringing up this other rubbish again and suspects she wont sign anything due to wanting to get back with him (her partner clearly wants dads money and has some form of hold over mum) or for some other reason/s.

    When this has the potential to get messy how can he, cleanly as can, divorce her now its over the 5 years and without her consent?
Page 1
  • Person_one
    • #2
    • 6th May 10, 10:40 PM
    • #2
    • 6th May 10, 10:40 PM
    Wow, I'm mainly just amazed that you have a relationship with your dad after he sexually abused you.

    If I was you I'd just leave them to get on with it. They're grown ups let them mess each other around as much as they want. It doesn't need to affect you.

    If you're worried about inheritance, surely they'd both name you in their wills and you'd be better off stepping back, therefore not taking sides and risking alienating one to the point that they cut you out.
  • mackemdave
    • #3
    • 6th May 10, 11:15 PM
    • #3
    • 6th May 10, 11:15 PM
    Yes he can get a divorce after 5 yrs separation without her agreeing to it
  • mookiandco
    • #4
    • 7th May 10, 1:58 AM
    • #4
    • 7th May 10, 1:58 AM
    After 5 years, technically she can't contest the divorce (unless its on the grounds of grave financial hardship). This is what is meant by 'no consent'.

    However, your dad would still need to prove she received the divorce petition and in the event that she does not return the acknowledgement of service form then he would have to prove that he has tried every avenue available to him to serve her with the divorce petition including personal service by a Court bailiff. The court are not just going to allow a divorce to go through unless they are certain she is aware of it regardless of the issue of consent.

    You also say that your dad 'dropped the case'. Does this mean he withdrew his divorce petition (ie made an application to the court for it to be withdrawn) or that his divorce petition was dismissed (ie she defended and the court dismissed his petition) or that he simply decided not to pursue the divorce and did nothing. If he did nothing then his previous divorce petition will still be in existence and he will not be able to issue another one. It has to be withdrawn or dismissed for him to be able to recommence divorce proceedings on the basis of 5 years seperation.

    After 5 years seperation and indeed even after Decree Absolute, an application for ancillary relief can still be made (but is unlikely to be successful after so long has passed). So it would be prudent to get a consent order drawn up regarding the finances just in case your mum tries it on in future (if the partner has the hold over her you say he has). I also hope that your dad has had a Will drawn up as she would automatically be entitled upon his death if they are still married.

    My view is that your dad realises that this will not be a 'clean' divorce. He cannot divorce her behind her back and its likely to degenirate in the same way as the last time he tried to divorce her. He should also get the consent order done. In these circumstances, I would suggest getting a solicitor on board. If he tries to do this himself and it gets messy then its going to cost a whole lot more for legal advice in the long term to unravel the mess.

    If your dad is receiving pension credit or on a low income/low capital or certain other benefits he will be entitled to legal aid and his legal advice will be free. Call up a local solicitor for them to do a quick calculation of his entitlement.
    Proud Mummy to Leila aged 1 whole year
  • Sucker for sweeties
    • #5
    • 7th May 10, 2:08 AM
    • #5
    • 7th May 10, 2:08 AM
    Hello Guys,

    Just doing a bit of research on behalf of my dad. My mum left 8 years ago when having an affair and commit adultary. She lives with this other man and has always pleaded guilty Silly mare ...

    Dad tried to divorce her after the 5 years and it went lengthy and messy. She brought up things accusing him of rape and child abuse issues towards me which although are true I was horrified to find she had used me to get at him!!

    Due to her and her man living on benefits she got a certain amount free for their solicitor, after this her man was "representing" her.

    When the rape stuff came up dad dropped the case.

    They have since moved into the same town and are causing a bigger rift in the family than was there already and trying to get back in. Basically no doubt with the main aim of getting dads money. They are always asking for favours and only contact us when they want anything.

    Any ways moving aside ... dad wants rid of her and them. He doesn't want her bringing up this other rubbish again and suspects she wont sign anything due to wanting to get back with him (her partner clearly wants dads money and has some form of hold over mum) or for some other reason/s.

    When this has the potential to get messy how can he, cleanly as can, divorce her now its over the 5 years and without her consent?
    Originally posted by RebekahR
    It's none of your business really... your Mum n Dad's life...leave them to it. Get him to speak to a solicitor for a free half hour.
    She's still your Mum. try and see yher prespective too ?


    If the whole family are inolved in some vendetta/feud thing then,...run away....live your own life....it's not YOUR responsibity.
    Not just a sucker for sweeties..

    A member of The National Sarcasm Society....like we need your support
  • paddy's mum
    • #6
    • 7th May 10, 5:44 PM
    • #6
    • 7th May 10, 5:44 PM
    If you think that adultery is on anywhere near the same level as rape of a child, you want your b%$"y head examined!

    My advice? Keep well out of it unless you enjoy the poison that has flowed and is about to flow again, and seek counselling for yourself. Any woman who can speak against a mother in the terms you have while actively working on behalf of a child molestor needs serious professional help, in my opinion.
  • Jox
    • #7
    • 7th May 10, 6:16 PM
    • #7
    • 7th May 10, 6:16 PM
    Does "rape and child abuse" mean that he sexually assaulted her or raped her mum and was violent to her?
    Last edited by Jox; 07-05-2010 at 6:17 PM. Reason: misread
    [CENTER][B]Happy to have paid my credit card and loan debts off (2012)
  • Nixer
    • #8
    • 8th May 10, 7:21 PM
    • #8
    • 8th May 10, 7:21 PM
    I am rather perturbed at the OP referring to the rape and abuse as "this other rubbish" (unless I've misunderstood) given that she says that they did happen and implies that at least one of them happened to her.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim's to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,690Posts Today

8,387Users online

Martin's Twitter