Real-life MMD: Should I pay to see my girlfriend?

raddyantic · 15 November 2012 at 2:37AM

Darren_lane wrote: »

Pay to see her-surely that's tantamount to prostitution!

Agreed. Me personally I'd never pay for the pleasure of the company of a woman...but I tell ya I've bumped into some seriously pis*ed-off prostitues!:rotfl:

But seriously...Is this even a dilemma? This isn't about love (perhaps just sex?!) - it's just about money. As when it comes down to this issue in society a woman's sexual value is far higher than a man's. As traditonally a woman would exchange her beauty for a man's financial security.

So call me an old romantic (preferably Tony Hadley) - but the very thought of even aksing a girl to contribute to travel costs would never cross my mind! If I ever were to even dare ask that - I'd feel embarassed.

Fine to share costs if going for meals/hotels etc i.e something you mutually share in together and enjoy/take pleasure out of - but not travel costs! Who ever said chivalry was dead?

Your're Clearly not that into her if your're begrudging paying upto travel to see her. I have felt a similar feeling before with my ex, also called chivalry - where It got to the stage where I just didn't want to spend my money (and time and effort I hasten to add) anymore on her - (prob not a good reflection on me/ male human nature - granted but hey) so had to cut loose. Time you did the same me thinks.

Geordie_Lad · 15 November 2012 at 12:36PM

Whatever happened to old fashioned chivalry??? I guess it went out with "Going Dutch", something I've never done. If she's worth it, you'll make the effort to see her, whatever the cost.

zebbscat · 15 November 2012 at 1:18PM

do you actually Want to go out with her? doesn't sound like you actually care at all!

chloeb86 · 15 November 2012 at 2:10PM

This has probably already been said, but why don't you take turns in travelling to see each other? It doesn't seem fair that you have go to see her every weekend when she could also come to you. When I was at Uni in London and my boyfriend (now husband) was in Newcastle, we saw each other every 2 weeks and took turns. So we'd see each other 2 weekends a month and holidays when he came home. Train fares are expensive but if you book them in advance you can get cheaper deals. Is there a particular reason she doesn't want to come home/travel to you some weekends? Is it the cost? Ok I know we were both students, unlike you and your girlfriend, but I think it's only fair to alternate the travel. We didn't have jobs, just relied on our student loans, and still managed to do it because we both wanted to. Even if she has to make a small sacrifice like not going out one night, it should be worth it. It's not fair to expect you to do it every weekend just because you work.

johnny_storm · 16 November 2012 at 8:00AM

Find someone local, these long distance things rarely work.

Katrin · 16 November 2012 at 5:49PM

My relationship of over 20 years went long-distance (Germany-UK) after the first few months. Over the next 6 years I saw my boyfriend every three months or less often. I never even considered asking to share the travelling cost. I did most of the travelling as I was a student (had more term breaks) and he was already working. Low-cost airlines didn't exist yet. Flights were much more expensive then.
We hadn't planned it like that. Life just happened (as it often does).

Did you discuss how you were going to deal with a long-distance relationship before she went? Have you considered alternatives like seeing her once a month or finding a job closer to her?
Sounds to me like you need to talk this through more carefully, and not just the financial aspect.

marich · 16 November 2012 at 8:42PM

Forget it !

tinkerbel*79 · 17 November 2012 at 6:25AM

some ppl are just cheap and wont help out claiming they are skint these are just selfish ppl and should be avoided if you ever want to have any money in the bank.
if i was in your situation i'd offer to help my bf with costs cos i love him and would want to see him. even if i couldnt afford half id try and give him something or find away to help cut his costs either rail car or fuel discounts vouchers from supermarkets. offer him a place to stay and feed him and not ask for a penny. go see him 2 so it isnt just 1 sided.
sacraficing is really hard for selfish ppl.
I was currently out of work, living with bf and he was occationally putting fuel in may car £70 at a time and not excepting a penny from me. nice to finally have a bf who just doesnt take all the time and give something back. I have helped him out when he was skint. think i need to go give bf a hug now.:A

scrabbly · 18 November 2012 at 6:01PM

Go less often ! Surely, she is putting you up for the weekend and presumably feeding you so that is her contribution. If the cost is an issue now -= she is not the one for you !