What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

jlh wrote:

Can anybody advise me. My husband and I have "mirror wills" leaving everything to each other when one dies before the other - all pretty standard. The mortgage is in my hubbies name and I think this may cause problems should anything happen to him (he has cancer). Should we go to the expense of adding my name to the mortgage, which I was told would be in the region of £300 - £700 as its quite a complicated business, or just leave things as they are. Any advice please? thanks, jlh

The wife and I went in for this WillAid thing recently. My wife is not on the mortgage. The solicitor mentioned some sort of paperwork that it would be advisable to complete to ensure the house went automatically to the wife if I died. I forget the name - perhaps someone here could remind me? Anyway, my understanding is that you don't actually have to be on the mortgage as long as this other paperwork is sorted but it could be an issue without either thing being done.

Further the wife is not an EU citizen. Any involvement of her family members abroad in the care of our child (should we both die) would need a solicitor in that country to sort out the paperwork. So, because our marriage is mixed nationality there are a number of hurdles with wills to sort out! Beware if your situation is remotely similar.

One thing that people sometimes over look when sorting out the financial matters is contacting the Inland Revenue for a refund on the deceased Tax. My aunt paid tax on her pension and when she dyed as the executor of the will I applied for a refund and received a cheque for approx £600 which went to my mother who was beneficiary of her sister's will. When reading this back it sounds a bit money grabbing during what was a very sad time but my aunt would have got such a big kick out of knowing the Inland Revenue had to give back all of the tax she had paid that year.

Making a will
Yes I agree making a will is a good idea but to be honest after the loss of a loved one your head is not always working properly. After my husbands death 9 years ago I did make a will almost immediatley, however 9 years down the line my emotions and feelings are very different and I have just had a new will drawn up including a deed of variation. Other advice get in touch with your local tax office and get them on your side and on your case and inform the benefits department of your loss. Sadly in the first few months keeping focused on your entitlements can keep you sane.Take care stormybay life will never be the same just different and easier to bear as the months and years roll by. I'm here if you need me.xxx

An Advance Directive or Living Will is at least as important as the will in my opinion , but far more rare. The best resource for all kinds of things like this - advice, forms, how to DIY funerals etc,is the Natural Death Centre : http://www.ac026.dial.pipex.com/naturaldeath/
I strongly recommend THe Natural Death Handbook. It is a good way of bringing up the topic of whether someone wants to be buried or cremated, kept alive by mechanical means or allowed to die gracefully should they be mortally ill, and whether they want an all singing, dancing funeral with plumed horses and a full choir, or a simple plywood box and no flowers.
The most important thing to remember is that there are a number of people out there whose objective is to make money out of the death, and you do not have to say "yes" to their offers of "help". You do not have to be rushed into things. One of the best funerals I attended was where friends carried teh coffin, we sat in a circle around it ina local community centre and just siad what we felt rather than have a formal service in a church, and he was buried in an eco-burial site where there were no traditional headstones. some had trees, somehad pi,les of rockes, some had a rose bush or a rosemary plant, some nothing at all. It was on top of a hill with glorious views and, we all helped to fill in the grave and then decorate it with flowers. Strange at first but it was therapuetic, and it felt like putting him safely to bed rather than anything grim. It was a beautiful day, and everything was fron the heart, and organised by those who knew and loved him.