How to stop crying at a funeral

I have a funeral to go to. I am so bad that I always sob all the way through, I am wondering if there are any tips to help me to try and hold myself together. I know it is ok to cry, but I am terrible, blubbing all over the place. Please help. I don't even know if I will be able to go, I am crying just typing this out. Help.......... I need something to calm me down.
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Comments

  • 1sttimer_2
    1sttimer_2 Posts: 728 Forumite
    Oh dear - I know just what you mean - I do too! If the person has been close to you, then it's very understandable of how upset you will be. The best thing to concentrate on is the happy times you had with them, and try to be focused on that. Sometimes the vicar (or whoever) gives a good story which can be really nice and often can raise a smile, which often helps you to think nice thoughts.

    I often look around the church/funeral home/crematorium to distract myself and often bite my lip, but I really don't think tears will be frowned upon.

    So, good luck and don't worry - just take plenty of hankies (not tissues as they disintergrate when they are wet!) men sizes are more ideal and just be yourself.
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  • poorly_scammo
    poorly_scammo Posts: 34,024 Forumite
    I don't know why you're so concerned about it OP. There's nothing wrong with crying. If you cannot cry at a funeral when can you cry? I get very annoyed at exhibitions of the 'stiff upper lip'.

    As the poster above has said, just take plenty of hankies.
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  • Jox
    Jox Posts: 1,651
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    I'm a big sobber too and all I can suggest is that if you wear make up is to wear waterproof mascara and keep a little mirror in your pocket (sounds really vain and shallow but after a good cry I can see myself later and have a streaky face and runny nose and feel even worse that people saw me like that). I'm going to my auntie's funeral next week :(
  • Zazen999
    Zazen999 Posts: 6,183
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    I cry at weddings, funerals [even if I didn't actually like the person]; and anything formal.....probably stems from having to attend church as a child and the memories of the descriptions and the guilt laid on me for doing nothing out of the ordinary...I even have to hold back tears at team meetings if someone starts gushing about a project that's going really well.....

    Take tissues, foundation and powder, let it go whilst you are there and touch up later. I usually try to imagine something really dull [in my case, peeling carrots], and it usually works to bore me into stopping......
  • ellay864
    ellay864 Posts: 3,827
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    I cry loads as well but have gievn up trying to stop myself - if anything I think that makes me worse. Last funeral I went to was for a work colleague's 12yr old son who died very suddenly. I have two teenage sons myself and I knew it would be hard - I bawled my eyes out next to my boss of all people who ended up having to 'nurse' me through it. But nobody will ever think anything bad of you for showing emotion. If you feel really bad maybe sit towards the back and near the end of the row so you could can quickly make a break for some air afterwards
  • Badger_Lady
    Badger_Lady Posts: 6,264
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    It doesn't work for everyone, and if you're using contraception it might be a problem, but I take a St John's Wort tincture in a cup of tea a couple of times a day if I'm feeling emotional. It helps me to hold things together and appear normal for a short period.

    If you don't want to do that, perhaps something like Rescue Remedy would help to take the sting out?

    Personally, it's when I think of the happy times we shared that I get particularly tearful... those are the times that I'll miss :(
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  • JRRD
    JRRD Posts: 96
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    I am a real blubber. Cry at just about anything, my tough times, other peoples tough times, certain music, medal ceremonies !!
    But I have been to a few funerals of distant relatives on my husbands side, (who I probably only met once) and feel I need to not be crying at the drop of a hat.

    I have found that I have been able to detatch myself by not catching anyones eye during the service and really trying to NOT listen properly to what the vicar is saying. Then the words don't have the same heart tugging impact that it having on closer family members.

    If it is someone close ( and i am yet to be in that situation) then I think we would regret spending the time trying not to cry and actually missing on the poignant things said about the valued family member........ so just go with the flow, as it were.
  • honeybear_2
    honeybear_2 Posts: 3,914 Forumite
    It might sound ridiculous but looking up can really help to stop the tears. I've used this to help me get through some pretty tough situations.

    Though I agree with others on here, there's no shame in tears
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  • charlies-aunt
    charlies-aunt Posts: 1,605 Forumite
    Don't feel ashamed - just let yourself cry - its a natural & normal thing to feel sad at the final goodbye to someone you have known . . . you're not hurting anyone else and its better for you than repressing and bottling up all those sad feelings.
    Life is short and tough - so give yourself a break and have a good cry if you need one.... no-one is going to reproach you.
    My husband is a professional funeral services worker and despite dealing with death every day - there are still occasions during funerals when he (and his colleagues) get a big lump in their throats.
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  • bellamonkey
    bellamonkey Posts: 77 Forumite
    Thank you so much everyone. I know it's ok to cry, but I can't stop when I get started. You are a lovely bunch of people and some really sweet replies. I will let you know how it goes.
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