What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

impecunious · 10 January 2007 at 12:45PM

montycat wrote:

Martin- can sub-board be started on Bereavement ?

I second this. We are all told that there only two certainties in life and taxes are already covered on MSE. Like the majority I suspect, when we have an impending issue to solve we start here and, surprisingly, there is not a board dealing with this massive issue. Not only is there a financial issues to be resolved, but emotional ones of course.

In 90 minutes time, I am having to go to the hospital to register the death of my son who was stillborn on Monday. This was my first child and I have never even been to a funeral before. I really don't have a clue and neither does my wife. Can we somehow change this so that others in similar situations have a better understanding of the trials we all have to face?

cazrobinson · 10 January 2007 at 1:00PM

http://www.willaid.org.uk/

you can donate money to charity instead of paying for a will ANY AMOUNT WILL DO!

very moneysaving!

this is for a straight forward will - more complicated wills they do charge for (£110 each!! usually!!!)

we did this for both of us, with a local solicitor.

we have three children and felt it was very important to do asap.

hope this is helpful!

scoobiedoo101 · 10 January 2007 at 1:00PM

As previously mentioned, any joint account/asset will be frozen as soon as one of the holders/signatories dies. The best thing to do is to get a solicitor to draw up an Enduring Power of Attorney, which allows someone else to act for you in the event not only of death, but also if you become incapacitated or unavailable in any way (eg breaking both wrists, going into hospital, getting dementia, going abroad). Costs about £80.00 at the moment but in April the government is making it much more difficult to set up an EPA! We've just drawn up wills with lots of inheritance tax planning and EPAs and we feel much better for it!

TRUDYLOU · 10 January 2007 at 1:11PM

I Was Widowed July 02 Aged 34, My Baby Was 13 Days Old & I Also Had A 7 & 5 Yr Old.
I Got Most Of My Help From Social Security. They Were Very Helpful And Told Me What I Was Entitled To & Even Gave Me A Direct Phone No If I Had Any Worries !
As We Knew My Husband Was Terminal We Had Time To Sort Things Out. Got The Will Done, Got Married, Put All Bank Accounts In Joint Names. All Of Which Made My Life A Little Easier, Not Everyone Has This Chance But Its These Things That Make A Difference.

jlh_2 · 10 January 2007 at 1:17PM

Can anybody advise me. My husband and I have "mirror wills" leaving everything to each other when one dies before the other - all pretty standard. The mortgage is in my hubbies name and I think this may cause problems should anything happen to him (he has cancer). Should we go to the expense of adding my name to the mortgage, which I was told would be in the region of £300 - £700 as its quite a complicated business, or just leave things as they are. Any advice please? thanks, jlh

montycat_2 · 10 January 2007 at 1:18PM

Me again ,

One other thing I found useful was ,to accept offers of help .You also have to be strong to state your wishes as well .It is easy for people to trample on your wishes as well .

Memory Boxes .

Put anything belonging to the deceased in a box (or suitcase) -If you have children ,you can include ,memories they have written ,things they have drawn ,meaningful pictures etc .I ts is painful and ,therapeutic at the same time .

Cinders2001 · 10 January 2007 at 1:19PM

My Mother In Law died in November.
She had no Will.

Get a Will.

We are going through all the formalities as best we can while we are waiting for the Solicitor to do his bit in getting the Letters of Administration ready.

It will cost less to get a Will done, than the Solicitors fees now having.
For us, as she didn't have or do much, it is fairly easy to arrange all the stuff after her death.

But had she had a Will it would have been even easier.

Get a Will - don't make it hard for those left behind.

WRabbit · 10 January 2007 at 1:24PM

First of all to anyone reading this thread because of a bereavement - condolences.

Couple of things - remember England/Wales and Scotland can differ in some of these areas, so when Martin's writing this up he needs to remember that (I know he will, but just a reminder

).

What scoobiedoo101 said about the power of attorney is useful, but AFAIK all powers of attorney stop immediately on death. But it is extremely useful if the person is alive but unable to deal with their own affairs. In Scotland there are 2 different types - continuing and welfare. The former deals with financial things, and the second with personal stuff. They only kick in when they're registered. They cost a bit of money to do, but it's cheaper both financially and emotionally than having to go to court at a very stressful time.

Split money between you or have it in joint accounts. If it's in a single name account it will get frozen on death.

There's been several good suggestions about keeping all your financial stuff together. The one thing people often forget is accessing the person's computer.

We're all told to keep our passwords for online things secure, but this can be a major problem if something happens. You might not be able to get onto the persons computer, check their e-mails or check online things. This is one of those exceptions to the rule about security. Keep an uptodate note of all online accounts with their usernames/account references. If you're uncomfortable including passwords then don't, but make sure someone knows exactly what online stuff you have setup ie continuing authorities off credit cards etc.

A lot of people who have small business do their accounts at home, so being able to access the PC and the accounts package etc can be vital. All business related info should be written down somewhere and stored securely. The same goes for any business users out there - make sure that information isn't stored in just one person's head.

A friend's father has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumour. His company had problems as a result because he was the one who did the payroll!

Happiness71 · 10 January 2007 at 1:32PM

jlh wrote:

Can anybody advise me. My husband and I have "mirror wills" leaving everything to each other when one dies before the other - all pretty standard. The mortgage is in my hubbies name and I think this may cause problems should anything happen to him (he has cancer). Should we go to the expense of adding my name to the mortgage, which I was told would be in the region of £300 - £700 as its quite a complicated business, or just leave things as they are. Any advice please? thanks, jlh

The wife and I went in for this WillAid thing recently. My wife is not on the mortgage. The solicitor mentioned some sort of paperwork that it would be advisable to complete to ensure the house went automatically to the wife if I died. I forget the name - perhaps someone here could remind me? Anyway, my understanding is that you don't actually have to be on the mortgage as long as this other paperwork is sorted but it could be an issue without either thing being done.

Further the wife is not an EU citizen. Any involvement of her family members abroad in the care of our child (should we both die) would need a solicitor in that country to sort out the paperwork. So, because our marriage is mixed nationality there are a number of hurdles with wills to sort out! Beware if your situation is remotely similar.

Happiness71 · 10 January 2007 at 1:32PM

jlh wrote:

Can anybody advise me. My husband and I have "mirror wills" leaving everything to each other when one dies before the other - all pretty standard. The mortgage is in my hubbies name and I think this may cause problems should anything happen to him (he has cancer). Should we go to the expense of adding my name to the mortgage, which I was told would be in the region of £300 - £700 as its quite a complicated business, or just leave things as they are. Any advice please? thanks, jlh

The wife and I went in for this WillAid thing recently. My wife is not on the mortgage. The solicitor mentioned some sort of paperwork that it would be advisable to complete to ensure the house went automatically to the wife if I died. I forget the name - perhaps someone here could remind me? Anyway, my understanding is that you don't actually have to be on the mortgage as long as this other paperwork is sorted but it could be an issue without either thing being done.

Further the wife is not an EU citizen. Any involvement of her family members abroad in the care of our child (should we both die) would need a solicitor in that country to sort out the paperwork. So, because our marriage is mixed nationality there are a number of hurdles with wills to sort out! Beware if your situation is remotely similar.

What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

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