What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

MSE_Martin
MSE_Martin Posts: 8,272
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Money Saving Expert
MSE Update:

We now have a guide, Dealing with Death that we hope may help along with a Forum Board: Deaths, Funerals & Probate

Why I'm doing this?

Very sadly, just before Christmas one of the chat forum's user's husband died, and she received great support and advice through it (here's the original thread, and of course I checked with Stormybay she wouldn't mind me making this public)

It made me think, at that difficult time, help is needed to sort out the logistics of money, and organisation - a checklist of things to do, as thinking straight at such a time is very hard.

Is it just for a spouse/partner

No, if it applies when another close family member, or a friend for whom you act as next of kin dies, tips there are relevant too.

What help I want?

So I need your help, those who've been through it, please feedback your experience and advice, I'll then combine this with my own notes and make an checklist article everyone can use if they need it.

Thank you

Martin
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Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert.
Please note, answers don't constitute financial advice, it is based on generalised journalistic research. Always ensure any decision is made with regards to your own individual circumstance.
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Comments

  • donny-gal
    donny-gal Posts: 4,654
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    No experience, but one thought has crossed my mind reading the original thread. I do all the money, know what to pay and when, where all the money is saved, etc., dh would not have a clue where to start, neither does he use a PC, but ds could do that for him, so I think I'd better type up all the info for him, just in case, but how can I do this and not let it get into the wrong hands if say we are burgled?
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  • Stormybay
    Stormybay Posts: 342
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    Thank you for this Forum Martin, if I can help the pain of just one other person, then this certainly will be a small part of my (hopefully) healing process.
    I will probably come across lots of information over the coming months but for now, 1 tip is to keep all your paperwork in one place so that they can easily be found by the other half if anything happens and MAKE A WILL!
    :j Stormybay
  • Bossyboots
    Bossyboots Posts: 6,746
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    donny-gal wrote:
    No experience, but one thought has crossed my mind reading the original thread. I do all the money, know what to pay and when, where all the money is saved, etc., dh would not have a clue where to start, neither does he use a PC, but ds could do that for him, so I think I'd better type up all the info for him, just in case, but how can I do this and not let it get into the wrong hands if say we are burgled?

    Sellotape the list behind the kitchen cupboard, fridge or something like that. Not in the bedroom though as that could be discovered.

    One thing my OH and I have discussed is setting up a joint account from which to pay the bills. As it stands at the moment, his account would be frozen along with all the direct debits. Although I have some savings of my own, the last thing I would need to be doing if the worst happens would be to worry about getting the bills paid.

    This thread has reminded me that we need to do this and you never know what's around the corner.
  • Speaking as someone who has had to help second guess (twice) what funeral arrangements the deceased would have preferred, to talk about what you would like.

    I know some people would find it hard to talk about, especially of you don't anticipate dying but it does gives those left behind a starting point.

    I would also strongly recommend making a will - and let people know where to find it - bank etc - and I've also when I've gone away for a long period of time, given details of insurance policies....ok they haven't had the specifics but just the company name is a useful start.

    Getting copies of the death certificate is useful - I know it might be expensive but it saves having to wait for companies to process the only copy and returning it before it can be sent onto another company.
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  • zztopgirl
    zztopgirl Posts: 676 Forumite
    I second what Stormybay says, make a will. Dont put it off, or think its too morbid an idea.

    Also, if someone can help take over financial matters, when my dh was in intensive care, a trusted nieghbour handled all the benefit claims for me. I found social services to be pretty useless but this might not be the case all over, they expected me to be in 20 places at once to do all the paperwork, etc, when the only place i wanted to be was at dh's side.

    My one bit of advice, would be to arrange with a deeply trusted friend/relative/neighbour to take over arranging benefit claims/paying of urgent/regular bills, and so on, should the worst happen. My head did kind of take over for a bit and i was able to arrange some stuff for a couple of days, but it does get overwhelming and its impossible to do everything alone.

    I have also put dh as a third party on my bank account, in case anything happens to me. God forbid. He cant go as a joint account due to bankruptcy.

    Stormybay (((((hugs))))) to you. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.
  • MinnieSpender
    MinnieSpender Posts: 2,975 Forumite
    Martin asked me to repost this on here from the original thread. I hope it helps.

    A very concise link to the government's advice on what to do is a good starting point - http://www.direct.gov.uk/Over50s/EndOfLife/WhatToDoAfterADeath/WhatToDoAfterADeathArticles/fs/en?CONTENT_ID=10027878&chk=MAfMQy

    It may also be useful to download this PDF or to send off for it on this link:

    http://www.dwp.gov.uk/publications/dwp/2006/d49_april06.pdf

    The above link only applies to England & Wales. I can't find the appropriate documents for Scotland or Northern Ireland, but if anyone else can, please provide the link.
    :eek: What if the hokey cokey is what it's all about? :eek:
    Official "Bring back Mark and Lard NOW! or else (please)" Member 16
  • When my father died someone told us that my Mum shouldn't drive as she was a named driver on my Dad's insurance and it was no longer valid.

    This was not something that we would even thought about but is obviously very important.
  • MinnieSpender
    MinnieSpender Posts: 2,975 Forumite
    This is also from the original post.

    The Beeb has this guide to children and bereavement:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/coping_with_grief/bereavement_effectschildren.shtml

    It's quite general, but might be a good place to start.

    From there, I found the website for the Child Bereavement Trust:

    http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/

    Have a look at their resources page which has a link to various downloadable leaflets and a section on recommended reading. With reference to your situation, have a look at the list here:

    http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/resources/reading_teenagers.php

    You may also find this helpful:

    http://www.hospicenet.org/html/teenager.html

    Also, don't forget to keep talking as a family. As much as they will need you through this difficult time, let them know that you need them too. And hug each other a lot.
    :eek: What if the hokey cokey is what it's all about? :eek:
    Official "Bring back Mark and Lard NOW! or else (please)" Member 16
  • MinnieSpender
    MinnieSpender Posts: 2,975 Forumite
    donny-gal wrote:
    No experience, but one thought has crossed my mind reading the original thread. I do all the money, know what to pay and when, where all the money is saved, etc., dh would not have a clue where to start, neither does he use a PC, but ds could do that for him, so I think I'd better type up all the info for him, just in case, but how can I do this and not let it get into the wrong hands if say we are burgled?

    I think this is a wonderful idea, donny-gal.

    Have you considered placing this kind of information in a safety deposit box at the bank? I'm not sure about the cost of doing this, but if it's reasonable it might be worth doing, particularly for the peace of mind it will give you. Talk it through with him and let him know where you decide to store it.

    Alternatively, if your children know how to use the computer, type up the document and save it on your computer using a password so that the information isn't easily accessible. Remember to let your ds know what it is.
    :eek: What if the hokey cokey is what it's all about? :eek:
    Official "Bring back Mark and Lard NOW! or else (please)" Member 16
  • MinnieSpender
    MinnieSpender Posts: 2,975 Forumite
    Just a thought to the moderator. Any chance of making this thread a sticky? If anyone needs it in a hurry they won't have to trawl through to find it.

    Thanks.
    :eek: What if the hokey cokey is what it's all about? :eek:
    Official "Bring back Mark and Lard NOW! or else (please)" Member 16
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