Real-life MMD: Should I pay to see my girlfriend?

Baniel20 · 14 November 2012 at 12:53PM

A tricky situation and, having two sons away from their girlfriends at Uni, can sympathise. When you go and stay with your GF, does she supply your meals? Am assuming that you also stay with her? Then how about offsetting the cost of your fare against 'board and lodging costs'. It is difficult, but arguments about money are always destructive. Try to reach a happy compromise. Coach travel is normally pretty cost effective and there are student fares available on most rail journeys. Good luck - hope it all works out. PS

jackieb · 14 November 2012 at 12:57PM

Give up now as money is obviously more important than anything else to you. It doesn't bode well if you decide to live together or get married. You'd probably be one of those couples where 'mine is mine and yours is yours' and you'd end up with his and hers post it notes on the food in your fridge.

Augustus_the_Strong · 14 November 2012 at 12:59PM

Sad to say, but it looks like your relationship is coming to a natural end, if neither of you thinks it's worth forking out to see the other. Why not have a month off from seeing each other (or wait till the holidays), and see how you feel then?

susi360 · 14 November 2012 at 1:08PM

If you stay for the weekend and she has to buy extra food, & maybe wine or beer for you then you should take this into consideration. Your visit isn't "free" for her.

As others have suggested - find a cheaper way to travel, or visit less often.

Voyager2002 · 14 November 2012 at 1:13PM

Maybe she could come home and see you now and then?

vavavoom_2 · 14 November 2012 at 1:33PM

The first year that I was with my boyfriend he was still at Uni and I was back living with my parents and working full time on a very low wage. It was a 2hr train journey that cost about £35- £40 return (in advance) but I went up nearly every weekend. Paying to visit him on my tight budget meant that I was on packed lunches all year.... but I didn't think about it for one second because I would have been miserable if we'd not seen each other. Bottom line is that she's a student and if you're not prepared to make any financial sacrifice to see her this is not destined to last.

madanna · 14 November 2012 at 1:43PM

Why are you asking the question?! Is this love! Seriously, if she;s away studying I'm sure every week will eventually become too much for both of you as she tries to get the best out of her time away. Presumably, she's away to improve her chances of a decent job in the future with greater earnings etc. So you being there every week will be a distraction. If you want to see her I suggest you pay, indirectly this shows committment. Then on the other side I'm sure you'll get a decent meal in or out and some jolly good memories along the way as you go through this experience together. Money is tight when you're trying to balance work and study, so work out what's a good routine and affordable - stick to it and you have something to look forward to and the time off you both get should kick start some good old fashioned love.

Purplejenster2 · 14 November 2012 at 2:04PM

When my husband and I first met we were both 16 and lived almost 300 miles apart. We always paid for our own fares, even though we only had Saturday jobs. This meant that we usually saw each other once every 4-6 weeks, but we spoke on the phone every night, texted, e-mailed and even wrote to each other.
When it came to uni, my husband, who was my fiance at the time decided to apply for univesities closer to me as I had got a job, we were then able to see each other every weekend, but usually alternated and paid our own fares.
So, what I find interesting about your situation is if there was any discussion beforehand with your gf over where the relationship is going, do you have long term goals together or is the distance the test? You really need to be completly open with each other, if you're not then this is probably the beginning of the end, especially if you aren't willing to put the effort or money in. If you resent shelling out the cash, maybe you don't love her as much as you thought you did.
Personally I will pick happiness and love over money any day, maybe that's why 11 years later my husband and I are very happy, but generally broke! It's all about priorities.

kerri_dfw · 14 November 2012 at 2:11PM

I spent two years travelling between London and Cardiff to see my student boyfriend, if you don't want to pay to see the one you love then don't be with them. You have a job, spend it less on booze and more on her!

Barryfan · 14 November 2012 at 2:12PM

My daughter met her other half when they both worked abroad. They returned to England and lived about 200 miles apart along the south coast. They took it in turns to visit each other (not every weekend). They were both in work but neither of them were earning big money. They moved in together eventually, and are getting married next year. The moral? if you want to be together you will work things out. Talk to her, and make compromises - it really shouldn't be about money and who pays for what! P.S. If I were her, I would be very hurt if I found out you'd asked strangers what they thought instead of talking to me about it.

Real-life MMD: Should I pay to see my girlfriend?

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