Can someone be excluded from a Funeral?

arnie&caseysma! · 29 September 2006 at 11:17AM

My sisters boyfriend has caused a divide in our family and when my Nan died she was warned that he should not go anywhere near the church for her funeral, and infact not even to bother bringing her to the church himself. She turned up on her own, refused to speak with anyone apart from those that brought her, and then left again after the tea. It was a hard day but it would have been even harder should he have turned up when we all knew thay Nan had a great dislike for him due to the problems he caused.
If it would be the deceaseds wished for them not to attend then really they should stay away, but if you are in regular contact and it is only because of the current partner then why should you? Again, if it was me and she was likely to cause a scene if she saw me then I would stay away to keep the peace. After all, it may be nicer to remember the person as they were alive, not remember them for the bickering and fighting at the funeral with the person in the coffin. Any incident that going might create will cloud any memories.......

star1_2 · 29 September 2006 at 11:21AM

Personally - I think the whole thing is appaling .... "banning" people from attending funerals !! - whatever next !! - (I agree with tomstickland). It's amazing how some people can lash-out at others who are "hurting" too .... my friend just wants to pay her last respects to someone who was special in her life, and to a guy who "chose" to keep in contact with her right up until his death.... (btw - she has no intention of creating a scean and would prefer not to talk to anyone there ....)

It's being held in a local authority cremitorium - I've made the suggestion to attend, say "good-bye" but try doing it without the others knowing ....

black_pudding_2 · 29 September 2006 at 11:24AM

seven-day-weekend wrote:

Anyone can attend the church service.

What if it isn't in a church?

What if the family want the service to be private?
I have been to an "invitation only" funeral once.

BungleGirl · 29 September 2006 at 11:49AM

My Dad died five years ago - my Mum had left him for another man about six years before that, he eventually met my step-mother and spent five very happy years with her. My Dad hated my Mum with a passion and would cross the road to avoid her - I don't think that he ever spoke to her after they split up. When I rang my Mum to tell her that my Dad had died she asked me to let her know when the funeral would be - I told her that I didn't want her to go and that I would be very cross if she did.

If she had turned up I would have flipped - this is totally different because they didn't get on or even speak to each other for the six years previous and in knew that my Dad would have hated her being there and been livid if her presence had upset my or my step-mother.

Your friend is in different circumstances but I personally think that she should stay away so as not to cause a scene at the funeral. Even if the new girlfriend is wrong in asking your friend to stay away there will presumably be other family members that will be very upset and not want the funeral to be overshadowed by a ptential showdown between for friend and the new partner. Even if your friend wants to go and not speak to anyone there is no telling how the new partner will react in such emotional circumstances.

akin_drum · 29 September 2006 at 11:53AM

I don't agree with your friend being 'banned' from going to the funeral, but if it were me I wouldn't go in case it caused a scene. I wold say my own private goodbye's in my own way.

tanith · 29 September 2006 at 11:58AM

In my mind there is no reason that you have to attend the actual funeral to say a heartfelt goodbye to someone, what is wrong with doing it in private by oneself after everyone else has left... it can only be for the effect attending ,would have on the living that anyone would insist on going where they are not welcomed after all the funeral is just about the mortal remains , the spirit is long gone....If indeed a 'spirit' exists...:A

Can someone be excluded from a Funeral?

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