Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

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  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    You have no idea about the OPs circumstances so you cant criticise her being pg. Off the top of my head......possibly fertility issues so grasping a chance at another child with both hands, religious or moral stand against abortion after failed contraception, pregnancy happened before the debt became an issue.....shall I go on?

    When I read this on the newsletter I just KNEW that someone would post this so thank you for proving me right!

    As for what is right for the OP to do....
    As the mother of a 10 week old i have to admit that the thought of being alone 90% of the time would worry me alot. But then having debt to clear would worry me too. I think that I would look at what another poster above suggested, which is moving to Germany with him, atleast short term. Perhaps look at how long it will take you to pay off the debt if you were running one home in Germany (as opposed to two, if you were in Ireland) and agree to move with him for that amount of time. The at the end of that period have a rethink.

    You wouldnt need to earn as much as you wouldnt be servicing your debts so he could perhaps then take a lower paid job in Ireland. Or you could afford more trips to see him, and him to come to you, if you were paying off what you owe.

    Moving with him seems the best option that I can see. Good luck xx


    Thanks for the advice. And congrats on the baby!
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  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    ISAmad wrote: »
    The UK is no place to raise a child. Money worries aside.

    If you've got the chance, get your kid out. It's like Lord of Flies.

    Thanks. It certainly seemed a bit that way with the riots last week, although who knows if Ireland wouldn't react in the same way...
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  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    brenda10 wrote: »
    You will be able to keep in contact with each other via phone, skype etc and if you are seeing each other every weekend that is great. Go to Ireland(my wonderful homeland) and in no time atall you will be debt free and can decide what you will do then. I am a midwife also and delighted to hear you are having another baby. Best wishes to you and your family.
    XX

    Thanks for the lovely post Brenda. You sound like a lovely midwife. Any chance you want to attend the birth of my baby. Lol :)
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
    DFD:Nov 22/June 22
    Mortgage: €199,712
    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
  • good luck then! in the end there are happy people and unhappy people so I hope you can all be the happy kind.
  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    tgroom57 wrote: »
    You don't say how long the contract work in Germany will last- or what you both will do when that contract finishes.
    If this is the first alternative job offer he has considered then maybe also look at creating a profile on www.linkedin.com

    I agree it is important to have somewhere nice to raise your children, and looking ahead, some place you are happy about the schools. But when you find a nice place to live it doesn't have to be where you've been before.

    Good luck ! I moved away to be nearer family and somewhere nice, but now I wish I had stayed near my beloved.

    Thank you. The contract would be 6 months & then he would look for another contract. He has a profile on linkedin and finds it great for looking for jobs. No sign of anything in Ireland yet though.
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
    DFD:Nov 22/June 22
    Mortgage: €199,712
    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
  • i had just found out i was expecting our second child when my husband was made redundant - this was back in 1981

    after about a year with no luck he took a contract in Saudi Arabia, he flew out and i stopped at home with a 17 month old and a six week old baby as me going with him was not an option

    he stayed out there about 14 months only coming home once for a couple of weeks leave, in between times we spoke on the phone once a month.

    to do this was a joint decision but then again given our circumstances at the time it was go for it or go under

    it wasn't easy and you need the support of family if you stay behind
    my daughter (the Baby) did take a bit of time to get used to having a dad again when he got home but long term no problems as far as her and her brother are concerned - they don't feel scarred for life!!
    benifits were the job market was better when he got back, we had no debt, and saved enough (because i had got used to having so little) to buy a secondhand camper van that we had loads of fun holidays with kids

    finally we are still together and look back on it as an adventure that we don't regret

    so go for it
  • I worked away from my family, only seeing them at weekends (funnily enough the contract was in Ireland!).
    But I stayed away too long and it put a big strain on our family.
    You would benefit from the support of your family with the new baby of course - but is there a future for getting work where you wish to locate to in Ireland? or would hubby be away forever more?

    If the work away can be strictly limited (e.g. to 6 months) that should work OK - but then what to do after?

    not an easy decision as the stability of your family unit is at stake!

    Good luck, but I strongly suggest you both look to the future to see what is ultimately feasible.
    Let me Google that for you...
  • Why are you asking this? Surely YOU know what's best for you and your family?! Discuss it with your husband not strangers!
  • ohit
    ohit Posts: 370
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    Sounds like the move to Germany, to achieve the financial goal, is not going to be an arrangement forever.

    So, short-term sacrifice for long-term gain.
  • clearmydebts
    clearmydebts Posts: 6,485
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    Why are you asking this? Surely YOU know what's best for you and your family?! Discuss it with your husband not strangers!

    Lol - this is a forum where people ask for advice from each other all the time! What a strange post.
    Total (Aug 19):€58,567 Now:€26,947
    DFD:Nov 22/June 22
    Mortgage: €199,712
    MFD: March 2042/July 2034
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