I can't believe I'm in this position again!!!

hello, I guess I'm just here to offload how I feel and about how disappointed I am in myself.

I'm afraid I've gotten myself into debt again to the sum of £15,000 approx.

I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. I have been worrying about this for the past couple of days I have no one I can talk to. I can't tell my husband if I do, I will lose my family because I've done this before. I've let him and my 2 kids down.

I know this is no excuse but for the past 9 months or so, I was really really depressed and this is how the debt has been run up. I would buy things for the house, my kids, my husband and myself to make me feel better. The things I bought for myself were to make me feel like I was good enough as the next person because I've always felt as if I wasn't good enough.

I don't have the guts to post an SOA but can say after all the bills and minimum payments are paid, there is approximately £550 left per month which is for food, petrol and anything else that crops up.

In October I realised I was sailing close to the wind and needed to do something, so I cut my sky, switched utility bills etc and saved approx £80 per month, then my hours and wages got cut at work, so that wiped out any savings I made.
I can't looked for another job because I need to work round the kids as I don't have anyone to look after them. If I did get another job I would need to put them into after school care and any extra money I earned would go to pay that, so I wouldn't be better off.

I feel so low and down, I even considered ending it all but then thought what's the point my husband would still have my debts to pay. Even if I did end it, God wouldn't accept me because I ended my own life.
My family probably would be better off without me.

I'm too scared to contact the credit card companies etc to see if I could come to some sort of arrangement, because we have a lot of equity on our home (approx £200,000 if we go by what the other houses in the area sell for) and I would be too frightened incase they tried to take the house or something.

I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!
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Comments

  • lizzy23
    lizzy23 Posts: 193 Forumite
    ,Didn't want to read and run, so take a deep breath and breathe, no one is a waste of space, if you are. there are a lot of us in the same boat, please contact one of the debt charities for advice, by the sounds of it this is really dragging you down and you need some help.
    LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes:)
    1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off :beer:
  • DCFC79
    DCFC79 Posts: 40,598
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    edited 21 November 2012 at 6:17PM
    I am such a waste of space I really don't know why I was put on this earth!

    Im sure your not a waste of space so stop thinking like that.

    You made a mistake, we all make them whether not as serious or quite serious.
  • Thank you both for replying, but I don't think my husband will see it like that.

    One time last year I was overdrawn by £134 (it was on an authorised overdraft) and life was absolutely hell for a few weeks.
  • lizzy23
    lizzy23 Posts: 193 Forumite
    Please don't think i'm speaking out of turn, but is your husband really that controlling? even if he is, it doesn't alter the fact that you need some help, both financially and emotionally, we all make mistakes the hardest thing is admitting the mistakes
    LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes:)
    1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off :beer:
  • Depression is a very serious issue and not one to be taken lightly. The important thing to do is begin believing in yourself again. It seems as if you have dug a hole but it is definitely not one that you cannot climb out of. There are MSE users that have upwards of 40k worth of debt with no visible way of paying it off, but slowly and surely, those debts are decreasing, and with help and support from Debt charities, this board, friends and family, anyone can get through it.

    There are hundreds, if not thousands of people in the same situation as you, you are not alone. I don't know your husband but if he loves you he will understand. I am very much like him in the fact that I get angry when my wife spends, but if she came to me with the problems you have, and I understood how upset she was, I would sympathise and we would get through it.

    I wish you all the best and I know you will recover from this.
    Debts:
    Car:
    [STRIKE]£4844.34[/STRIKE] £0!
    Wedding: [STRIKE]£2500[/STRIKE] £1000

    Deadline - June 2013 (Immigration to USA)
  • not quite sure what to say other than dont even think about doing anything stupid, nothing is that bad.

    *hugs*
    Littlewoods £10 Very BNPL £234.42
    My total debt is [STRIKE]£7242.32[/STRIKE]£244.42
    Extra payment a week: This week: £
    Total to date: £1279.29 not incl this week
    #33 NOvember challenge
  • Hi,

    I don't know if I would call him controlling, maybe he is, he absolutely hates debt.

    The las time I got into debt he was so mad (and quite rightly so), he told me if I ever did anything like that again, it would be over and I believe him.
    He won't want to know how I was feeling etc and the how's/whys of how I got into debt.

    All of the debt is in my name so if he did tell me it was over then the debt would come with me, and I would probably lose my kids because of this too.
  • lizzy23
    lizzy23 Posts: 193 Forumite
    i'm sorry but marriage is a partnership, and to be brutally frank there are more important things than money, you have built this debt up because of your own lack of self worth, you do sound seriously depressed and i urge you to get some help for this, if your Hubby loves you he will be supportive of your illness not threatening to leave and take your kids because you racked up a bit of debt in an effort to feel better
    LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes:)
    1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off :beer:
  • Looking at your previous posts about him i would say controlling at the very least IMO................
    DEBT FREE AND PROUD:D
    'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
  • Oh lizzie I wish I had your optimism.

    Thank you everyone for trying to make me feel better.
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