Both me & OH suffering from depression - anyone got any advice on how to cope?

[Mics_chick]

To board guides: Please please don't merge this thread with the main depression one because to me this is a request for help for a specific problem...

I was wondering if anyone is currently in (or has ever been in) the same situation that me and my OH are in at the moment...

We are both suffering from depression and quite alot of the time there is friction between us because one or the other or both is not coping / having a bad day - which rubs of on or we can sometimes take out on our 2 littl'uns - dd 3y9m and ds 2y2m.

If you shared a house with a partner or other relative who was suffering from depression/anxiety/stress at the same time how did you cope? Is there anything we can do to minimise the impact on each other and our kids?

A bit of brief history about each of us...

I was diagnosed with PND just after my ds was born in Jan 05 - but I had been feeling depressed during my pregnancy as well. I was quite bad during the first few months but have improved to a certain degree but have been not seen any improvement for at least the last year.

My OH has been off work for several months now because of work-related stress but he feels that this has happened to him because he never fully recovered from a severe depressive episode he suffered about 6/7 years ago.

We are both on anti-depressants and in the early stages of counselling...

If anyone can offer any sort of help/advice I would be eternally grateful :D

[UKTigerlily]

Hiya, I'm sorry to hear about this, it must be very difficult right now. I've got mental health problems which include depression so I know what it's like in a way. All I can suggest is to have time on your own, away from the kids & OH (Same for him too) to do something for you, to talk about things before they escalate & take each day as it comes. Would it help your OH to get back to some work? Is the work stress due to the job he was in specifically? If it was then maybe with help he could ease back into work? I know it's easier said than done, I work but my attendance is so bad I don't think i'd get taken on in any other job tbh which is a shame as I need & want a different job!

Have you tried things like yoga? I'm still getting round to trying this myself cause i've heard it can help to calm down (If you're worried about taking it out on the kids w/o meaning to). My gym do it but so far i've not been well enough to go. Is there anyone who could have the kids for a while so you & your OH can get some time together alone & do something out of the house that takes you away from it for a while?

I haven't lived with anyone with mental illness but I know my ex (Who doesn't have any problems) didn't cope with me, but then I have alot of problems & I can imagine living with me was a nightmare! He'd go out when things got bad to calm down, remove himself from it. One thing is don't blame each other, or put each other down & don't feel guilty!

I know I felt terrible guilt for not being what I saw as good enough or normal. That made it worse & the ex would put me down. Sorry I can't be much help, although i've been ill for 14 years I still don't have the help I need but I just wanted to say I understand & if you need to chat you know where I am x

[seven-day-weekend]

I have been in this situation and it is not easy.

The main thing I would like to say is to realise that neither of you are functioning as you should at the moment. Both of you try and remember that if your partner behaves in an innappropriate/unkind manner, then it is the depression causing it.

This can be difficult when you yourself are depressed. Talking honestly to each other about your feelings will help; also take breaks from each other every so often.

I hope you are both feeling better soon.

[mar<]

For me I've identified low periods as specific windows during the day when my blood sugar is low. Depending on what i'm doing, it can affect me differently. With young children it's very hard as it feels like there isn't a pattern to your day in some ways. Eating fruit etc for a boost helps me a lot and can curtail 'mood swings'.

I agree with TF time out is essential - cooling off rather than confrontation I find is well worth the effort. After all, it isn't really your partner that you have the problem with, they're just taking the flak for you.

Hope the councelling goes well and is useful to you.

[Tiff]

Hi mc!:wave:
How are you angel?
quote=Mics_chick;To board guides: Please please don't merge this thread with the main depression one because to me this is a request for help for a specific problem...

I was wondering if anyone is currently in (or has ever been in) the same situation that me and my OH are in at the moment...
I'm sorry that you are so stressed hun. It must be really difficult with two of you suffering from depression.

We are both suffering from depression and quite alot of the time there is friction between us because one or the other or both is not coping / having a bad day - which rubs of on or we can sometimes take out on our 2 littl'uns - dd 3y9m and ds 2y2m.
The positive thing is that you've both done the right thing in telling your drs and getting some help.:T
Have you spoken to anyone in Social Services to see if they can help hun? Both the adult's and children's teams may be able to provide support for you both.
If both of you are having problems that affect your children angel, then you need to call them. They have various methods of providing support for you. Please don't let yourselves or your children get hurt. When you feel those low feelings creeping in, try and take yourself to a different part of the house if possible and try and do some relaxation techniques. I never thought they'd work - but they do.

Also, in many areas there is something called Homestart which gives practical help and also advice to families with children under 5. If they're not in your local phone book hun, then google for your nearest branch.

If you shared a house with a partner or other relative who was suffering from depression/anxiety/stress at the same time how did you cope? Is there anything we can do to minimise the impact on each other and our kids?
Yes and it is very difficult to support someone else who is struggling as well as yourself.

A bit of brief history about each of us...

I was diagnosed with PND just after my ds was born in Jan 05 - but I had been feeling depressed during my pregnancy as well. I was quite bad during the first few months but have improved to a certain degree but have been not seen any improvement for at least the last year.

My OH has been off work for several months now because of work-related stress but he feels that this has happened to him because he never fully recovered from a severe depressive episode he suffered about 6/7 years ago.

We are both on anti-depressants and in the early stages of counselling...

If anyone can offer any sort of help/advice I would be eternally grateful :D[/quote]
Do you have separate counselling hun? As the causes of your problems are different, that's what I would hope for.
Advice? Go to the MIND website and they have a whole list of free factsheets on a huge range of topics, including living with someone who has depression which are all free to download. They also have a links section to various other agencies.

How often do you get input from the mental health professionals? Are either of you seeing a CPN? It may be worth asking for a new assessment by the mental health team hun. Have you been totally open with your gp and said what's going on? You can only get the help you need if you are completely honest with the gp hun. They will have seen it all before so don't be scared. If you feel that what help you're having atm isn't working anymore, then you need to tell them angel.;)

I'd let the professionals tell you when it's time for OH to go bak to work. If he goes before the dr says he's well enough, it'll make things worse. If you still get contact with your Health Visitor, they can help too. They are accessed through your surgery.

In addition hun, have you applied for DLA (Disability Living Allowance)? It doesn't matter whether you're single, married, working or not, on benefits or have savings, it's not means tested so it wouldn't affect anything you get at the moment - it may be worth applying if your daily life is affected by your illness.
Mental ill health can qualify on it's own, without having any further conditions. A word of caution angel - PLEASE call CAB after you order the form and make an appointment to fill it in. You have to be so very careful in your wording and CAB (who may even come to your home to do the form with you) are the real experts :T - they can make all the difference between success and failure.;) Book with them as soon as you can angel because they're very popular.

CAB may also be able to point you in the direction of other local help options.
When either or both of you are ready, you can also get free relationship counselling from Relate too, if you want to.

From all you said, I think you're really struggling and that you should both go back and see your gp now. If you find it hard to talk about or find the words, just print off your post hun and take it with you to give to them. Please go and see your gp asap angel - don't delay getting the extra help anymore hun. You're only delaying your recovery.

By the way angel, I'm a regular on the main depression thread :rolleyes: and people post very subject specific questions on there. You're more than welcome to drop in there too!;) Sometimes just knowing that you're not suffering on your own is a real help and the guys on there have a wide range of experiences hun - you never know what kind of help ideas you may get from them. They're really friendly.
Anyway mc hun - I hope all goes well with you both. Good luck and keep us posted.:T
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

[rose07]

To board guides: Please please don't merge this thread with the main depression one because to me this is a request for help for a specific problem...

I was wondering if anyone is currently in (or has ever been in) the same situation that me and my OH are in at the moment...

We are both suffering from depression and quite alot of the time there is friction between us because one or the other or both is not coping / having a bad day - which rubs of on or we can sometimes take out on our 2 littl'uns - dd 3y9m and ds 2y2m.

If you shared a house with a partner or other relative who was suffering from depression/anxiety/stress at the same time how did you cope? Is there anything we can do to minimise the impact on each other and our kids?

A bit of brief history about each of us...

I was diagnosed with PND just after my ds was born in Jan 05 - but I had been feeling depressed during my pregnancy as well. I was quite bad during the first few months but have improved to a certain degree but have been not seen any improvement for at least the last year.

My OH has been off work for several months now because of work-related stress but he feels that this has happened to him because he never fully recovered from a severe depressive episode he suffered about 6/7 years ago.

We are both on anti-depressants and in the early stages of counselling...

If anyone can offer any sort of help/advice I would be eternally grateful :D

Hi MC

Sorry to hear your having a hard time

You know you can pop along to the depression thread if ya need hun

Ok firstly, I can understand your situation, I was in a relationship where we both suffered from depression and yes we lived together, im no longer in it as we realised it was making us worse. OK sounds like you are taking steps tho re: going to see councellor and taking ADs

Tiff has already said what I would say, but as to supporting each other you need to have good communication with each other, talk to each other, know when the other one is not feeling ok, have relevant help in place so that if you feel you are going under you can ring professionals that can help you

You are both not alone, there are people can help

take care x