Family involved with wedding day

[towseriv]

Why is it no matter how obvious it is that it is your and your brides day there are some people that think that what they think and what they want and thier lives should be worked around it?

I have my two nephews involvd in my wedding, one as an usher and one as a........BEST MAN!!! So when I tell my sister I need them for trying on thier wedding clothes (for want of a better term) I get told that they are very busy and I should of given them at least three weeks notice. Not only that but then she asks what we are having as a starter "prawn cocktail". I then get asked how much of that will waste, do I realise how many people dont eat prawns, this that, the other, what main? Beef dinner, that passes fine, pudding? Profiteroles, they apparently are greacy (cant spell it) and will people really want to eat them? fresh cream in them too? lots of people dont like fresh cream you know.

I dont recall asking what they thought and most people would think it a privilage to be asked to be part of the service at all, let alone have two of thier kids involved. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[skystar]

towseriv, unfortunately I think this sort of things happens at most weddings.

When I first started planning mine one of my cousins had a opinion on absolutely everything. I swear to God I am surprised she didn't say black when I said I was having a white dress :rolleyes:

I got really upset and stressed about it. What someone advised me to do was not to rise to it, smile (through grated teeth) and say "Thanks for that suggestion, I will give it some thought"!

And sorry but three weeks notice!! Whats that all about!

Anyway, hope you have a great wedding. When is the big day?!?

[Becles]

Lol - I had the same thing when I married the first time. My in-laws had a right strop because they think a 3 course meal must have soup as a starter, and we'd picked melon.

As it happens, the wedding was on the hottest day of the year, and after standing around in the sun having photo's taken, everyone was thrilled at the sight of nice cool melon slices!

They also insisted we had apple pie as a dessert, even though I can't stand apple pie :confused:

Just got married again and we arranged it all ourselves. People just got told what was happening, rather than asked an opinion. We got exactly the day we wanted with no stress, and we really enjoyed it.

[Rachie B]

:( youve got to stick to your guns ,smile sweetly through gritted teeth and do it YOUR way

dont be swayed by anyone ,its yours and H2Bs day and the desicions are yours to make not anyone elses !

if you dont you will regret it after the big day thinking oh i wish i hadnt done xyz etc

repeat after me : MY day MY way ;)

enjoy the planning its the best part ;) :)

[bylromarha]

enjoy the planning its the best part ;) :)

No way...wediing night is easily the best part!

All the family think they're trying to help and are only doing it because they love you.

Frustrating though, isn't it? Every idea for our wedding my MIL to be forced out of me got a resounding "that's a bad idea because..." So we ended up with everything she thought wouldn't work...and what a surprise, it was the perfect day, she even said so herself!

[rchddap1]

This is your wedding. Do it the way you want to.

Told partner's family about my 'expected arrival' at the weekend, and was told by one sister that we had to get married now so that the child wasn't born out of wedlock. Another wasn't interested in the slightest and we were told that she's had enough of babies and didn't want to know.

We will do things the way we want to. We will get married when we want to. We will do it the way we want to . And we will raise bean the way we want to (no matter how many oars they stick in on any of these issues).

[nearlyrich]

Whoever pays the piper calls the tune....but I also think the happy couple should have the right of veto on all arrangements.

No wonder so many people go away to get married:whistle:

:beer:Congrats on the wedding, don't let them spoil your day :beer:

Congrats to rchddap1 too just spotted your news don't be bullied into doing what other people think is right just do what's right for you and your OH:j

[Rachie B]

This is your wedding. Do it the way you want to.

Told partner's family about my 'expected arrival' at the weekend, and was told by one sister that we had to get married now so that the child wasn't born out of wedlock. Another wasn't interested in the slightest and we were told that she's had enough of babies and didn't want to know.
We will do things the way we want to. We will get married when we want to. We will do it the way we want to . And we will raise bean the way we want to (no matter how many oars they stick in on any of these issues).

:eek: :mad: :( congrats to you both :)

bylro we had a poorly 2 yr old between us on the wedding night :mad: :rotfl: we more than made up for it on our child free honeymoon though :beer: ;)

[Spendless]

Told partner's family about my 'expected arrival' at the weekend, and was told by one sister that we had to get married now so that the child wasn't born out of wedlock.
. CONGRATULATIONS :j
When I was expecting my 1st someone who was a divorced single mum told me that I should get married cos her experience had been that officials looked down on people with Miss to their name and a child. I asked her how she knew since she had got married when she discovered she was pregnant and had always been a Mrs with a child :D

OP_I agree with what the others have said either tell them what is happening and/or respond with i'll give it some thought (but don't bother;) )

nearlyrich -I did go away to get married, unfortunately it didn't stop all of the fuss. I always said I wanted the marriage, just wasn't keen on the wedding that went with it. I'd have liked to have filled in some forms (bit like a credit card application), posted it off and waited for a reply that said as from x date you are married:rotfl:

[rchddap1]

Can't resist mentioning it....have been holding my tongue for a few months. Now I can talk about it and it feels great.

[scooper]

congratulations first off!
but oh no,this is your day,you have spent so much time,effort and money on making YOUR day special
now i know you have to think of others for eating,but there is being say a veggie,nut allergy,wheat etc that you have to watch for and being plain rude and fussy.
i would defenitly have to say something,not in a nasty way but say this is all upseting you,and its something that should be a special time
one thing that has jsut struck me is,is she jealous of you?is she married?maybe wrong but dont knw why she would be like that being your sister and her sons are involved in the wedding.
good luck

[filigree]

Funny, I just said on another thread that however awful your family can be, the inlaws top it in spades...

I had nothing but criticism from the future inlaws about my wedding plans - they didn't like the venue, the city we live in, the food, the booze, the gift list, the guest list... everything was slated.

My family (who paid) just turned up and had a nice time. If they had any complaints at least they had the manners not to say it to my face.

I couldn't believe how rude people could be about a wedding - they seem to think your big day is somehow public property and freely insult everything you plan for the day, even though they get loads of free food and booze out of it. If you don't approve, don't flipping well come! Since then I've vowed to NEVER question someone else's wedding choices, and believe me I've been to some very odd weddings. If the food's a bit cold or the dress looks like net curtains, I wouldn't dream of saying a word.

Glad to say this miserable bunch are now ex-inlaws.

If there's ever a next time, I'm eloping!

[melancholly]

i'm not married but have seen friends go through all same kind of fun!
and it's not just weddings - it's family members at any family event - at my grandfather's funeral one relative loudly criticised the choice of hymns, chosen by my grieving grandmother. luckily i didn't hear or i would have thrown him out (which is perhaps why no-one mentioned it to me at the time!)

hope the venting makes you feel better...... and as it's your sister (who i assume isn't contributing financially? if she is then it gets a bit more complicated) can you just try to tell her she's being a little bit awkward (a massive understatement but better than what you actually feel!).

it's a day for the two of you - the people who care about you will be so pleased to see you have a happy day together that anyone else can just go and jump!

(and if we ever do get married, i've already told OH that we're eloping!)

[towseriv]

Anyway, hope you have a great wedding. When is the big day?!?

June 10th

If I dont kill someone first (bride too possibly, with all the not needed worrying she is doing